The 2014 WAIW/Ivy Envy Wrigleyville Pub Crawl

Friday, May 30, 2014

The 2014 WAIW/Ivy Envy Wrigleyville Pub Crawl

. Friday, May 30, 2014

Oh. Snap. It's time for the greatest event of your entire year - the 6th annual Wasting Away in Wrigleyville Pub Crawl. Meet us at 1:30 p.m. tomorrow at Lucky's Sandwich Company to lay a base worthy of nine innings of drinking. You want rules? We got rules.

- Bring Ca$h. So much ca$h, you feel like Rick Ro$$, who is, as we know, the BAW$$. There are a few dozen people at this fine event, and your credit card holds up all of them. Stop being an obstacle, Diamond Jim.

- Bottles or cans. Much like the last note, every drink poured on draft takes as long as opening 10 beers. I don't care if it's on special. Spend the extra buck so your fellow crawlees don't hate the crap out of you.

- Tip well. We're  coming in like a wrecking ball (which is a phrase I just made up) and sweeping out of there in a torrent of booze and noise. These people are working the day shift at a Wrigleyville bar. Treat them nicely.

- Don't be That Guy. I know that our thing is 9 drinks in 9 innings, but if you can't hang, grab a water or a coffee or one of those disgusting energy drinks the kids think are cool. Don't make a scene, don't ruin the bathroom. You're an adult - drink like Paul Bunyan or have the wherewithal to know you can't.

A Rundown of Your Fine Drinking Establishments

Summarized in One Sentence Each

Pre-game: Lucky's Sandwich Co.

This is where you lay your base for a day of drinking - meat on fries on bread on whiskey.

1st Inning: Nisei Lounge

As familiar and warm as a bottle of whiskey in a work desk drawer.

2nd Inning: The Stretch

They were really nice to my mom and gave us free shots two years ago, so they're in forever.

3rd Inning: Merkle's

The Boner and the Colonel.

4th Inning: Mullen's

The alley-drinking classic from my and Steve's 21st year.

5th Inning: Sluggers

Steve v. John - WITH BATS

6th Inning: O'Malley's Liquor Kitchen

If it's open, does it really matter?

7th Inning: Sports Corner

For fans of athletics, spirits, and right angles.

8th Inning: Murphy's Bleachers

Someone get Toto on the jukebox!

9th Inning: Bernie's

Motha Fuckin Shuffleboard.

Afterward, we'll go to D'Agostino's, where they'll delay our pizza and we'll get into an argument with a 22 year old manager who acts kinda shitty. It's as much part of the script by now as the batting cages!

See you tomorrow!