Road Games: Wasting Away in Phoenix

Monday, October 1, 2012

Road Games: Wasting Away in Phoenix

. Monday, October 1, 2012

The bearded half of WAIW traveled to Phoenix on Friday for some nearly-forgotten 99 degree heat and late season baseball. As it happens, the Cubs put themselves in position for the massive 100-loss milestone. I guess we might have seen that coming. Regardless, it's always enjoyable seeing baseball in a new park and getting my fill of Cubs games before a long, baseball-less winter.

- I forget that other ballparks have the benefit of modern design. It blew my mind that I didn't get stuck in a shoulder-to-shoulder crowd on the concourses, waiting for some dumbfucks from Iowa to decide that grouping up and stopping mid-concourse isn't the best idea. It similarly blew my mind that I never had to wait more than 30 seconds for a beer, and never for the bathroom. Drink and pee at will - WHAT IS THIS PLACE?

- Saw Darwin Barney's streak end. Bizarrely, this was the second time I'd seen it in person. Back when he was tied with the NL mark, he was charged an error at Wrigley that was eventually switched to Luis Valbuena. Buy me season tickets and watch him turn into Chuck Knoblauch.

- Apparently, Chris Rusin was kind of a douchebag in college. As our WAIW Special Correspondent reports, at least. Rusin played college ball at Kentucky, and after taking a Friday loss one weekend, gave a hickish "YewHARRRR" yell every time the opposing team's pitcher was going into the pitching motion. FOR THE ENTIRE WEEKEND. I wasn't even there and I want to throw a bat at him.

- On Saturday, Lendy Castillo loaded the bases and Trevor Cahill came to bat. Castillo walked him. On FOUR. FUCKING. PITCHES. I don't even know what to say about that one.

- The Big Unit, famously of Alice Cooperstown, is one big fucking hot dog. And, weirdly enough, comes plain unless you order the Man Vs. Food edition. I dressed the bastard up top myself. Since I don't have children, I imagine I'll keep a picture of the dog in my wallet to show strangers.

- Double points to Alice Cooper for (a) successfully marketing a hot dog that cannot be described as anything but "freakish" and (b) making sure it was a Vienna Beef dog.

- For a park with modern amenities and fan-aimed conveniences, Chase Field had the biggest collection of tube televisions I've seen in years. You know those super-sharp HDTVs at your favorite sports bar? If you covered those in Vaseline, it would look about the same.

- The win Sunday featured a nice meltdown of the sort that usually goes against us. Dave Sappelt, pinch-hitting with two outs and the bases loaded, dribbled to first and hit first at about the same time as reliever Matt Albers, who was covering. The umpire called him safe, Chase Field booed the shit out of him, and Albers plunked Anthony Recker (who?) on the very next pitch. The rout was on, and our seven game losing streak over. It was glorious.

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