Rain Delay Theater: The 1983 Opener

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Rain Delay Theater: The 1983 Opener

. Thursday, August 23, 2012

Fresh off a sweep by the Brewers, I literally cannot bring myself to recap more of the terrible hitting and shitty-when-it-counts pitching against the grey background of Milwaukee. Instead, we're bringing you Harry Caray, tracksuits, and some team called the Expos. And it's all brought to you through the magic of the rain delay, on Opening Day in 1983. God bless VHS.

Fergie Jenkins was set to pitch, Harry was wearing his finest red windbreaker, and holy damn is there some awesome 80s Chicago gold in this four-video series. Here's the first, from YouTube user iixdotbe, who deserves a damn medal for this:

Part I

-The rare WGN rain delay that didn't end in a screening of Beastmaster or one of the lesser Dirty Harrys. 

- Notice the rooftop shots? No fucking bleachers. I miss that.

- Did anyone else cringe to hear them praise Bill Buckner so effusively?

- Harry says a team can't win without character. To be fair, the 80s Mets hadn't happened yet.

Part II

- When you claim that Ron Cey's one of the most exciting parts of your team, you can't be surprised when they finish 71-91 and got Lee Elia canned. To be fair, he and Jody Davis were like 95 percent of the year's offense.

- "One of the first things on the lips of the other General Managers was Jody Davis." TEE HEE HEE HEE.

- "The shortstop, LARRY BOWA! ... Larry had a bad year."

- 3:41 - dude's totally on a clock somewhere at time and a half.

 Part III

- "They've spent close to $6 million dollars on refurbishing Wrigley Field. It's freshly painted!"

- Steve Stone ix VERY UNCOMFORTABLE when he isn't actively speaking.

- Stoney claims this will be the best 7th-8th-9th inning in baseball. They were literally never a game over .500.

- Harry Wants to record the dugout chatter when there's a rain delay. I don't imagine you could broadcast that, but I'd listen the HELL out of that.

- 6:41 - Just a minute-long unbroken shot of parked cars in Lakeview. Visual poetry.

Part IV

- Those Cubs tracksuits make them all look like grounds crew. BRING THEM BACK.

- Harry to Stoney: "You're rich. You have restaurants." BANTER!

- The parked cars shot from last part pales in comparison to three minutes of pastel balloons with Harry and Steve inset.

- 2:12 - Yosh Kawano sighting? The bucket hat suggests so.

- "Sorry, the tape cut to something else. Expos won 3-0." That is a fucking hilarious conclusion to the whole thing.