That'll teach you to hope for the first playoff berth in 20 years!
Of all the Cubs pitchers currently giving fans anxiety, Paul Maholm is the unexpected rock of the rotation. Think about it - will Samardzija have a bad July? Is Garza going to stay healthy? Can Travis Wood get the damn ball down? Is Dempster gonna fuck us? (Yes) And through it all, there's Paul Maholm, who the Pirates - THE PIRATES! - let walk, winning five in a row and putting together a 9-6 record on a team that's been awful for long stretches.
Soriano looks awesome lately. I'd bring up the possibility of trading him to the AL, but trade talk lately makes that vein in my forehead start throbbing. I see white and my mouth tastes of Sunny Delite, and I figure maybe let's pull back on the Twitter a bit.
The Braves, according to the same Twitter-monster Voltron hivemind that spawned so much drama, have moved on from Ryan Demspter. Canadians, man. They screw you quietly, when you least expect it - like a live-in mime boyfriend. The calls I've seen for him to place a fist into his own excretory system are a bit much, but holy shit is it frustrating when a guy feigns ignorance to look out for himself and himself alone. The baseball pundits are right in that he doesn't contractually owe us shit. But all you meatheads who screamed at Aramis Ramirez for starting slow and being "lazy" should aim that criticism at a guy who cost us a top-50 prospect because he didn't want to go on the 3-month work trip.