All-Star Week: Prince Fielder Hits Good, Joe Cowley Jams Head Up Own Ass

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

All-Star Week: Prince Fielder Hits Good, Joe Cowley Jams Head Up Own Ass

. Tuesday, July 10, 2012

It was a long event, and they coated his helmet in Doritos powder. What happened next was unavoidable.

- Prince Fielder won the Home Run Derby last night, beating Jose Bautista and joining Ken Griffey Jr. as the only repeated winner. I had this weird feeling that he was an ex-Cub, likely brought on my months of Chicago newspapers and radio jamming the idea down my mind-hole. Good for him. To tell you the truth, Chris Berman's leering moon face and screeching 1995 catch phrases put me on edge, so the Derby's not quite the draw for me it was when I was an undiscerning child. I'm sure plenty of St. Louis fans still love him.

- Joe Cowley, who quit Twitter and seems perpetually one shitty comment away from writing about high school baseball and 4H roundups for the Jackson County Ledger, tried to go inspiring today. I'd give him credit for taking a 180 from the rest of the shithead sports columnists in this town, but it's clear he pulled this out of perhaps and even deeper part of his ass than your usual Rosenbloom troll-fest. He makes the point that Starlin Castro is underrated and underappreciated. I make the point that OH GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. I am clearly just a nobody with a modestly-read blog, but I think that Cowley's column proves definitively that literally anyone could write a column so long as they're dickish enough to stand behind their idiotic musings.

- The Cubs Twitterverse is extremely aflutter today at the thought that Tony LaRussa might not give Bryan LaHair an opportunity tonight, given his long-time opposition of our beloved team and whatnot. Don't worry, guys, I'm sure we'll get to see that fly-out to right-center that we've all been craving.

- This future clearance rack beauty can be yours for only $119.99. It also comes with a free set of commemorative coins. Who said baseball had lost touch with the youth? That's what the kids like, right? Coins? And the MySpaces? Next year: "Free Baha Men album for your Discman!"

- On a separate note, can't wait to to see someone wearing this at a Cubs/Brewers August 2015 game. I still see Soriano's 2008 All Star Jersey on people who clearly thought that was a great idea at one point.

- Rafael Furcal's starting tonight for the National League. That's how fucking bad things are at that position in the National League. So next time Castro bobbles a ball or doesn't stretch a single, cool your jets.