Oh, May. You wicked rat bastard of a month. So beautiful to the eye, yet so deadly to the Cubs fan spirit - a latter-day Delphine LaLaurie. There have been some excellent individual moments (Woody striking out one last batter, besting the Dodgers and Atlanta, watching James Russell turn into a legit reliever), but there's also the matter of that 16 days during the month where the Cubs had not won a game. Losing a complete dozen in a row tends to take the wind out of one's sails faster than the PA announcing "now pinch-hitting for the Cubs, Joey Gathright." But let's take a look at our progress metrics, shall we?
LaHair Fever Tracker - May
It's easy to observe that the thrilled disbelief with which the Cubs fanbase has embraced LaHair has cooled down a bit. Losing a dozen do that. But where does LaHair Fever stand presently in comparison to 2008's Fukdome Fever and Racist T-Shirt Jamboree?
Bryan LaHair, May 2012 splits -.253/.343/.448, 22H, 5HR, 8 RBI Kosuke Fukudome, May 2008 - .298/.388/.404, 29H, 2HR, 11 RBI
DINGDINGDING! We have a winnah! Sell high, Theo.
May 2012 Team Stats
Record 10-17 (18-32 overall, 10 games back)
7-7 at Wrigley
3-10 vs. NL Central (gah!)
173 runs surrendered (gah a second time!)
Offense through May
Runs scored - 185 (27th in MLB)
Average - .249 (17th)
OBP - .309 (24th)
Slugging - .388 (19th)
Pitching through May
ERA - 4.35 (25th)
Quality Starts - 24 (23rd)
WHIP - 1.35 (20th)
Avg. Against - .243 (12th)
We improved the helllll out of the offense, but that would have been difficult not to do after being ranked 24th or worse in every category through April. Pitching got worse all around, which was probably largely due to Garza's post-flu struggle, Dolis's Marmolization, and Ryan Dempster deciding the offense doesn't deserve to have nice things anymore.
Six of the division losses are to the Astros and Pirates. That's sadder than a Feed the Children commercial.
Hopefully this award will attract a team that needs a power bat, perhaps in the DH slot. Or it's just recognition of a genuinely solid May. His OBP well outpaced Castro's, and we've already seen what's gone on with LaHair. Hell, anyone having a decent month with what went on is a pleasant surprise.
Pitching - Jeff Samardzija: 3-2, 6GS, 40.0 IP, 40K, 1.050 WHIP, .211 BAA, 11ER, 2.48 ERA
It's becoming apparent that we may have to spend a significant portion of the year giving Samardzija praise through clenched teeth that boils with all the acrid rage of a passive-aggressive dinner party conversation between New England WASPs.
Nintendo! Malort! Crawling! These are a few of our favorite things. They can be yours as well, with the simple purchase of this shirt. Timeline's tight on this one folks, so don't delay, as you need to get the order in by Friday. EARLY. What? Haven't you looked at the posting frequency? We're lazy.