It was a Cell-ebration. AAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHA
(I hate myself)
Based on last night's results, I should weave crushing despair into every one of my posts. Following the wet fart of a Red Sox series conclusion, the Cubs did something I'd never expected - put on an old-fashioned ass whomping. Imagine my surprise, watching in a triple-mixed (Cubs/Sox/Sighingly Indifferent) crowd at the Map Room. Garza's looking ... GOOD! It's 0-0, and tense as you can get. Bryan LaHair, newly installed in right field, steps up and homers. Then Starlin Castro homers Then Soriano homers two innings later. Then Soto an inning after that.
Even more satisfying, Nate Jones comes in during the 7th, relieving former Cubs shitbag Will Ohman, and the Cubs have an actual rally, three singles and a wild pitch followed up by a Luis Valbuena homer. The funny part is that I was actually composing a shitty Tweet along the lines of "Luis Valbuena: For when it doesn't matter anymore." My finger was poised over the "Tweet!" key when the ball sailed over the right field fence. I'm fine with being a sarcastic enough jackass that the universe goes out of its way to spite me. I'll say all the more horrible things about the Cubs if the result is 5 home runs in a game.
Every Cub that saw the plate last night managed a hit. Except David DeJesus, who was instead plunked twice. The second time, my DeJesus voodoo doll started screaming in the corner. It was very unsettling. Meanwhile, Cubs pitching kept the Sox hitters well off-balance, save for two homers that put slight dents in the lead the Cubs were building. I'll take a Konerko/Pierzynski double homer game any day, so long as we can win by 9.
I hope you enjoyed last night. Today is Travis Wood vs Jake Peavy. The day after, it's Wells/Floyd. I'm not saying, I'm just ... pointing out.