well-documented that I am a big fan of the bobblehead giveways, barring the stupid-as-fuck 2010 edition that featured Ryan Theriot in a fishing vest and Carlos Zambrano playing soccer. I'll even go to Jeff Samardzija bobblehead day, despite my well-documented dislike for any and everything Notre Dame. And I'm glad I did, because look at that thing. It's a glorious masterwork of super-creepy sculpture. Look into its eyes and feel the hopelessness of a cold, indifferent universe.
In the short period of my ownership of this mysterious artifact, I have done a number of experiments, because ... science. As such, I have a rundown on the capabilities and drawbacks of owning this unique item.
BEHOLD - SCIENCE!:
- You cannot sleep with this in the room.. Not only do its eyes follow you like a haunted painting in a Hammer horror film, but it will literally come alive at night and try to kill you. Even says so on the box.
- You can leave it in the garden or field to scare away crows. And barn owls. And superstitious Gypsy women.
- You cannot leave this alone in the house with cats. Came home and the cat had given birth to a hissing abomination with a thick neck and Inigo Montoya facial hair. Had to kill it with fire and bury it in consecrated ground. Hell of a Thursday night.
- You cannot leave it within 500 yards of a school, daycare center, or Chuck E Cheese. The neighbors get super ornery.
- You can trade it in for six pre-owned VHS copies of Rudy or a lightly soiled Ron Powlus jersey.
- You can bring it to John Barleycorn and have six bros from Naperville send it rounds of Bud Light or vodka-Red Bull. But why would you ever want to go there?
- You cannot feed it tacos, no matter how drunk you get and/or how hilarious you think it will be.
2014 Beer Price Guide
Let's face it, they gouge you in Wrigleyville. Here is your official source of beer prices, containing only beers we have drank at bars we have drank them at.
Revolution Anti-Hero $6
Miller Lite (16 oz) $6
312 Wheat $3
312 Pale Ale $3
The Illinois $6
Old Style $2
We Were There!
7- 4 (2010)
8 - 7 (2009)
4 - 7 (2010)
8 - 6 (2009)
2014: Year of the Call Up
Top 10, All-Time Posts
WAIW 6th Annual Pub Crawl Shirts
Nintendo! Malort! Crawling! These are a few of our favorite things. They can be yours as well, with the simple purchase of this shirt. Timeline's tight on this one folks, so don't delay, as you need to get the order in by Friday. EARLY. What? Haven't you looked at the posting frequency? We're lazy.
Looking to buy? You are too late, sucka!