Cubs 5 - Braves 1: WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Cubs 5 - Braves 1: WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?

. Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Don't even have a sarcastic caption. I just find this picture delightful.

The Cubs have won something along the lines of 12 of the last 16. Jeff Samardzija has four wins and a 1.19 WHIP. Bryan LaHair is slugging over .350 better than Jason Heyward. Truly there is only one explanation for this - we have reached the End Times, when the vengeful god Quetzecoatl will rise from his dreamless slumber to devour the unwary earth and all those who live upon it. Shit's fucked up, man.

I'm beyond being put out for having predicted just about the opposite outcome for Samardzija heading into the year. At this point, I'm just - I don't know, wary? Leery? Gassy? It's not as if I haven't seen that fat load Carlos Silva rack up some unexpected wins in the early going of a bad year. But Silva wasn't doing it with mostly power pitches, either. The really mind-boggling thing about last night's start is that from Martin Prado down to Chipper Jones, none of the 2/3/4/5/6 guys managed a single base hit against Samardzija, who used to pass them out like a child molester with a bag of Ring Pops.

Today we've got Dempster going again. If he starts stringing together dominant innings again, someone's got to get Carlos Marmol the hell out of the dugout and across the street to McDonald's or something. At this point, I'm not putting it past the bullpen to physically run out and punch Dempster in the back of the head when he's trying to get the last out of a complete game. Remain wary and vigilant, fellow fans. Hopefully our luckless Canadian can get a HUGE win today.