Heed me, drinkers of Wriglandia, winter is ... just past. Summer, in fact, is just around the corner. And as such, we look to the heavens for adventure. And when the heavens just sit there, occasionally throwing up a cloud that looks like Wilfred Brimley, we will shake our fists at its indifference and drink ourselves to heroic heights.
Master geographer and blog-pressman Jacob Accrington Ironside, of Thunder Matthew's Tavern, has created this guide to the pilgrimage route, and the dangers you will encounter along the path. Wilst thou find thyself shanghied by the affordable pitchers of ale proffered by the black-hearted privateer Captain Morgan? Woudst thou encounter the legendary boner of Merkle and live to speak the tale? Might thee get hit in the Reginald VelJohnson-parts when thou seek to do battle in the iron-wrought cage of Sluggers?
Steel thyself, Cubs patriot. When the sun reaches its highest point Saturday, thou shalt prove thy devotion, and thy ability to quaff with heroic vigor. Onward, Cubs, Onward!
Nintendo! Malort! Crawling! These are a few of our favorite things. They can be yours as well, with the simple purchase of this shirt. Timeline's tight on this one folks, so don't delay, as you need to get the order in by Friday. EARLY. What? Haven't you looked at the posting frequency? We're lazy.