Marlins 9 - Cubs 1: Good Sweet Mercy

He damn well be better at karate


Back when we first were discussing starting a Cubs blog, we had a gigantic list of potential names. One of them was Chasing 100. It could mean wins, losses, the 100 year Series-less streak (they hadn't yet reached that milestone) - all that business. Ultimately, we rejected it as too faux-poetic. But now it just seems depressingly on the nose. Especially after last night's emphatic ass-beating.

I was sort of intrigued going into last night's game to see how a) the Cubs offense did against Mark Buerhle and b) how Matt Garza would do against a team with some solid bats. I needn't have ramped up my excitement. The doughy former White Sox man went 8 with absolutely no speed bumps, and Matt Garza looked ... super ordinary. He got his 7Ks, but he also walked three guys, and two of the seven hits he served up were home runs.

Either Hanley Ramirez loves the shit out of that garish outfield home run sculpture or our starters have one hell of a time pitching to the bastard. His shots are starting to look like something out of a video game.

Remember what I said about the appearance of Rodrigo Lopez essentially mirroring a fat opera diva? He again served as the angel of death, shepherding me straight the fuck out of the viewing audience. I don't feel like I missed out on anything by having to read about the final two Marlins runs in the box score, instead of swearing at their appearance in person.

What else is there to say? The best Cub at the plate was Jeff Baker, with his 2-4 line, run, and double. GET EXCITED! 0-5 with runners in scoring position spread across five separate disappointing Cubs hitters. Just one more of these today, with Ricky Nolasco and Jeff Samardzija opposing.

Our OBP is under .300, and we've still got a four-game set against Philly this month. We're chasing 100, folks. Chasing the holy shit out of it.