Marlins 5 - Cubs 2: Canadians Can't Catch a Break

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Marlins 5 - Cubs 2: Canadians Can't Catch a Break

. Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Wait, so that guy from the Scotts Turf Builder commercials is on the Cubs now?

Of all the emotions I've had toward Ryan Dempster during his time as a closer and starter for the Cubs, empathy was not one of them. In fact, thinking back, it's mostly rage. We weren't even around as a blog when we was the closer, but I do remember that era as one giant mushroom cloud of f-bombs directed toward British Columbia.

But now? 20 1/3 innings pitched over 3 starts. 11 hits, 3 earned runs, 23 - TWENTY FUCKING THREE - Ks, and a miniscule WHIP of 0.934. And absolutely nothing to show for it. In fact, not even a team victory to show for any of that excellent pitching. Just under 5 hits per 9 innings pitched, and our shitheap of an offense can't manage to bring home a W even one time out of the three.

That's what happens when you hate having David DeJesus as your leadoff hitter, but you also know that there aren't any other options beyond Starlin Castro. So it's either Castro hitting with no one on base, or Castro on base with no one hitting. I guess at least this way, we're less likely to see DeJesus plink into some double plays.

Rafael Dolis, GFY.

Entire offense, GFY. Apparently the Cubs are the one thing that can break Heath Bell out of a terrible slump. Marlin Byrd officially has the batting line of Garth Brooks at Padres spring training in '98. This is not going to get better until we get Jackson and Rizzo taking some cuts. Stay tuned for June, I guess.

We're only five games back! But we're also 3-8. So let's hear it for Matt Garza and his continued run suppor... aw, fuck.