It's Monday, and I spent the entire weekend watching the Cubs. And such, I'm cranky and out of sorts. We're seven games out of sorts, no one but Castro, LaHair, or Clevenger is hitting, and we managed to witness yet another perfect game by a White Sox pitcher. On top of it, we've been all but told by management to not expect any of the prospects we're excited to see anytime soon. So let us plunge into the heart of darkness and despair with this week's CMM as we examine a video that warms only those hearts blackened by the malice of rivalry.
I also post this for Steve, who works an estimated 498 hours per week during this time of year. I know this has always been a favorite of his. If we can ever in find the Kyle Farnsworth bodyslam video, we can totally cross off that CMM bucket list.
TO THE TAPE!
0:07 - Oooooh, that looks like it hur ... WATCH OUT! HE SNAPPED!
0:14 - Sweet Christmas, that old man can fight. Ventura's "lead with the head and face" tactic didn't quite work out.
0:23 - Actual pile-up. Usually baseball players are terrible at these kinds of things. I guess watching an AARP member beat the bejesus out of someone really angries up the blood.
0:34 - Cut to Ventura. "Bro, I'm ok, bro. I had him."
0:54 - Two Rangers doing ... something.
1:02 - You cannot tell me that Nolan Ryan wasn't saying "whippersnapper" right there. You honestly can not.
1:40 - Other White Sox wanting to get into it with Ryan. Did they not see what he did to Ventura?
1:47 - Bo Jackson, leading the one-man charge like a multisport Leonidas.
1:51 - Ozzie Guillen cameo!
2:24 - Like Tom Gamboa after him, Nicky Hatcher learns that the White Sox only target the oldest and weakest.
3:42 - Rangers fans start the "Nolan" chant. What took you so long?
4:02 - And now your beatdown in slooooooww mooooootion. It's easy to see the point where Ventura realizes he actually has to fight Nolan Ryan and pulls up just a bit. Alas, too late.
Of course, the fight lasted for all of four seconds in this 6:26 video. Welcome to the world of baseball fights.
I always wondered what happened after that, since all I remember from my childhood were the multiple replays of Ryan knuckle-blasting the top of Ventura's head. At the time of the infamous plunk, the top of the 3rd, Ryan and the Rangers were behind 0-2, in part due to a first-inning Ventura RBI single.
Apparently fighting is what does it for Ryan, because he immediately picked off Craig Grabeck, who was running for Ventura post-ejection, and induced a weak groundout to short. After a couple innings of nothing, the Rangers have a big 6th inning, chasing Alex Fernandez with a pair of doubles, and RBI single, and a likely steroid-aided Rafael Palmiero homer. Ryan pitches thruogh the 7th and earns the win., only needing 85 pitches despite repeatedly smashing his pitching hand into a skull. Truly he was the last of the old-timey pitches.
So remember, the next time an old person inconveniences you, be courteous and polite. Not just because you're a decent sort, but because they might have one hell of an uppercut.