Brewers 7 - Cubs 5: Case of the Mondays

"He actually did it. He fucked with DeJesus."

Last place came up fast, huh?

Can we please do something about this bullpen? Maybe send it downstate to live with a nice farm family? That's three losses on the back end so far, and this time we even have a whole new guy to blame. Not that Shawn Camp taking a loss is in any way shocking. Nor, sadly, is dropping a series to those Affliction-shirted jags from the Diabetic North. If I recall correctly, it's happened at a greater than 60 percent clip in the past few years.But you come here for trenchant analysis, and possibly the cursing. TO THE BASEBALL SCIENCE!

- How depressing of an end to the game was Starlin Castro's 3-pitch de-pantsing? No sooner had I texted Steve "I bet he reaches way out of the zone at the third strike" than he gets hyp-mo-tized by a breaker from Axelrod. So thus ends the game, along with his sizable on-base streak of games. It happens. That at-bat was so traumatic, I think he's going to need a montage to get over it and save the community center.

- I've always been an unabashed fan of Aramis Ramirez. But I guess I'm not as good at hating the dude who gave us 90+ RBIs six times. We don't have a lot of those at Addison and Clark in modern history. So of course he ends up booting a routine ball late and handing some ammunition to the mouth breathers who booed upon his introduction. Of course he does.

- Speaking of which: The reanimated corpse of Mark DeRosa got an ovation from the Wrigley crowd at least twice by my count on Opening Day in a Nationals uniform. Yet you want to boo Aramis? Some perspective, please.

- COUNTERPOINT - The Brewers giving him a backloaded $36M deal is legitimately hilarious. He'll age to 2014 about as well as a Ryan Braun-designed t-shirt.

- A Darwin Barney home run? I'm just as surprised as you are. And Darwin Barney was.

- Bryan LaHair hit the holy shit out of that ball. Please let him be on steroids. It's either that or 12 Alfonso Soriano solo homers leading the team this year.

- Our leadoff man has an OBP of .286. Just in case any of you were wondering why we drink.

- Shawn Camp is well on his way to the Jon Lieber lifetime "achievement" award.

- I wonder how long it took Casey Coleman to legally change his name to Chris Volstad.

- Chris Narveson vs. Paul Maholm tonight. Should be ... a baseball game. Yup.