WAIW Salute: Kosuke Fukudome

Players leave the Cubs all the time, and we at WAIW are pretty good at rolling with it. Hell, most of the time, we're happy to say, for instance, "so long, suckass" to the offending and departing player. When we're waving someone out the door, it's usually because we can't stand to see them play baseball in blue pinstripes any longer. You know, because they're Bobby Howry. Or Neal Cotts. Or Neifi Perez. I could go on. But today ... today is the opposite. A player who never lived up to early promise and certainly underperformed his ludicrous contract. But dammit to hell, I had the softest spot for Kosuke Fukudome. And now he's gone to Cleveland - a fate truly worse than death.

March 31, 2008 - Opening Day. The Cubs are coming off a division title the year before, and the rainy, shitty weather runs opposite to the mood of the crowd. I'm a few pitchers less concerned about the rain, sitting in the right field terrace with my brother, (future) wife and a friend. My ongoing fascination/obsession with Japanese baseball (as manifested in my love of 1992 Tom Selleck vehicle Mr. Baseball) has me eager to see what the new right fielder can do. With one out in the bottom of the second inning, he steps in against Ben Sheets (remember him?) and sends his first pitch in the Major Leagues rocketing against the still-dormant ivy. Fucking awesome.

Much later in the game, trailing by three runs in the bottom of the ninth, our man comes up again with two on. And holy shit does he knock the crap out of the ball to right-center. The place is goddam pandemonium. We lost in extras that day (thanks, Bobby Howry!), but the atmosphere was electric and the excitement palpable. It started the amazing run of the 2008 season, and briefly made Fukudome into a fan favorite. The Lakeview Baseball Club hung a Japanese flag from their building. Fuk found himself on the cover of Sports Illustrated. Eventually, some assholes turned things ugly, as sub-sections Cubs fandom are unfortunately wont to do, and we had to deal with this horsehit.

Of course, it all died down pretty fast. And he never did match the first half that saw him get elected as a starter to the 2008 All Star Game. But I still treasured that excitement - only a handful of Cubs players have managed to create a moment like that for me. And I still enjoyed the little things that he did extremely well. Kosuke was a very good fielder, and could gun people out for my favorite play in baseball - the fly out/putout. Seeing him on the opposite side of Soriano only cemented his status in my mind as a defensive giant. And as deflating as seeing him corkscrew into a strikeout could be, he was actually great at managing the zone. He left us with an OBP of .372, which was by far the best on the team. To give you some idea, the next best is Marlon Byrd at .353, A-Ram and Pena are in the .330s, and Tyler Colvin gets on base at a stunning .175 clip. Ignore slugging percentage, and Fukudome was the veritable offensive engine. Of course you can't, but that kind of selectivity is how I managed my unwarranted level of Fukudome fandom.

So long, Kosuke. WAIW salutes you. You were our Bizarro Tom Selleck, and we love you for that.

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Milwaukee: Dispatches From the Heart of Darkness

The wife and I went up to Milwaukee for the game last evening. Everything was enjoyable but the Cubs offense, and Zambrano throwing a pitch down the middle on a 1-2 count. To be sure, there's not much game to talk about in a 2-0 loss. Luckily, we were in exotic Milwaukee, the Paris of southeastern Wisconsin.



- When you walk in from the lot across the street, you come by this sign. It was three times as eerie as anything in Something Wicked This Way Comes. Locals say pregnant women who dawdle underneath the sign too long give birth to hideous dork-babies who no one likes.

- Ran into a lot of douchebags in Mikwaukee while tailgating and walking into the game. Loud-ass, can't-hold-my-booze, cursing in front of kids sort of shitheads. And you know what? They were all Cubs fans. It was disconcerting - I was able to see us like some other fans apparently do. Not a great picture. I'd hoped the lack of a bandwagon would shake off these body lice of fandom.

- Speaking of, I didn't run into the sort of Milwaukee fan that inspired this 2009 classic. I'm guessing the sudden novelty of a formerly bad team winning that turns people into douchebags has mostly run its course. Welcome back to my neutral side, Milwaukee.



- I'm glad the entire NL doesn't set off fireworks every time they beat the Cubs. They'd be spending a ton of fucking money on explosives.

- Walking in, we notice two drunk girls in (Cubs, I think) tie-dye shirts acting like ... well, 21 year olds. We run back into them inside, and one has already lost the other. Not a good sign. The one remaining drunk turns to me and says something along the lines of "Hey, your sharhh .. shugnorgggfluggggonsharma." When I inquired whether it was a sentence, or even English, she replied that it was a compliment. So go me!

- Aside from some early troubles, Zambrano pitched a hell of a game last night. It didn't really hit me until late into the game that I might have been at Z's last start. If that's the truth, I'm really going to miss the guy and the way he made all the local beat writers' uteruses cramp with his every word and action.



- Actual conversation, in my head.

Guy 1: "Dude, I drive 34. Or I used to, until the third DUI. Fuckin' Menomonee cops."

Guy 2: "I made a very poorly thought out jersey decision. Now I must live with it."

Guy 1: "Once I got so mad I hit my wife. I wore my Podsednik jersey to court."

Guy 2: "I didn't want to spend the extra ten bucks for the real numbers and nameplate. That's for fags."

Guy 1: "I drive 34."

Guy 2: "I cut myself, just to feel anything."

Guy 1: (cries)

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WAIW Helps You Drink Beer (Part 4)

Have you ever been away from the Internet, drinking a beer, and thought "man, I wish I could somehow bring the magic of Wasting Away in Wrigleyville into this current, offline, part of my life"? Or are you some sort of obsessive-compulsive completest who owns one or more of our previous three koozies? Well holy crap do I have a deal for you.

Once again, WAIW offers you the finest in beer-drinking paraphernalia. These fine neoprene koozies are the highest-quality we could find. Rest assured that when Steve and I crack open a beer on a porch or in a bar, these fine products are what we utilize to keep our hands warm and beers cold. A mere $5, with free shipping. Get yours today!

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Weekend Recap: FINALLY!

The lip readers I consulted tell me he's saying "KABLAMMO!"

Ten tries. TEN.

It might have taken nine more than necessary, as well as the worst team in the majors, but dammit, the Cubs are finally winners of three in a row. Feels good.

Each of the three games was a bit closer than we'd like (the rare Cubs ass-kicking of an opponent always feels good), but they all had their moments. I caught Friday's game on the radio whilst working at home, and it was certainly worth the time. Soriano finally hit one out of the park in a month other than April at the expense of Bud Norris, who is the most Astros-sounding Astros player I've ever heard of. Samardzija, Grabow, and Marmol - a trio of nail-biting pitchers if there ever was one - managed two innings of holds for Marshall to close out Friday dominantly for his third save.

Saturday was viewed through a patina of German beer, so the details are a bit hazier. I do, however, recall Fukudome's amazing triple, followed by Castro's ugly infield single. That started a rally that made a 2-1 nailbiter into a 5-1 lead and eventual win.

Then there was Sunday. Glorious Sunday. As it turns out, the secret to finally putting 3 games together is getting a member of WAIW to the game. At least it worked in this particular instance. Well, that, some timely hitting, and Matt Garza smoking mofos.

Read more about Garza and his smoking of mofos, after the jump



Holy shit, how good does Matt Garza look lately? He may not end the year with super-impressive W-L numbers (4-7, to be precise), but he was mowing down Astros. Subtract that mistake to Barmes in the first and a few of the free passes, and we might have been looking at a complete game. Of course that didn't happen. He didn't even get the win, due to the intervention of a certain hated reliever.

I speak, as always, of this man:

Yep, still sucks.

Man owes Matt Garza a nice dinner at Lawry's. Did you see my post from yesterday afternoon in section 231? Totally called it. Sure, you can qualify it with the fact that it was his third day pitching in a row, or inform me that his 1.365 WHIP is head and shoulders above what he's done every other year. But that distracts from the fact that yesterday's BB/HR/K/BB was classic Cotts/Howry/Ohman territory. Just as hating Jeff Samardzija is classic WAIW.

Yet fear not! For we managed to tie the game on two singles and a wacky-ass RBI by Soriano. And then, in the 10th, we were delivered unto victory by the timely intervention of Marlon Byrd's bat and a bad gaffe by WAIW favorite Hunter "Fancy Boy" Pence. What looked like an impressively hit line-out turned into a no-outs triple. If I were to put my expert spin on things, it would look like this:

Self-explanatory.

Two intentional walks and one Jeff Baker pinch hit single to LF later, the wife and I were singing "Go Cubs Go" for the first time in a looooong time. The free tickets series against the Brewers is coming up, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit to being worried about Dempster, Z, and Wells going against that lineup. But for now, keep the W flag up an extra day and remember that sweet, sweet feeling of a winning streak. Take it from me - that feeling can be fleeting.

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8th inning of a one run game. Samardzija comes in. Uh oh.

T-Mobile. America's First Nationwide 4G Network

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Today's giveaway is a bit ... something

T-Mobile. America's First Nationwide 4G Network

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HOLY SHIT! FREE CUBS TICKETS (er ... earlier today)

So thanks to a tip from a friend (who got the tip from a friend), I stumbled across this incredible gem early this A.M. And holy crap am I glad I did.

The gist, if you don't want to read the link, is that Caterpillar is in partnership with the Brewers this season, and decided to go ahead and just GIVE AWAY 5,000 tickets to each of two Brewers/Cubs games next week. No drawings, no contests, just whoever got to them first. I happened to be one of those people. Hopefully, other Cubs fans were among that number - Miller Park's an excellent place to watch the game, and really damn close.

You may say that it's not particularly "free," seeing as how I live within a short walk of Wrigley and now have to get myself to Milwaukee and spend money on food and beer. But that's not the point. Point is, free Cubs/Brewers tickets. I'll take that any day.

Thank god for the Brewers. Just this once.

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Phils 9 - Cubs 1: Yeah, That's About How It's Been

Remember a couple days ago, when I predicted that after a great-looking surprise win to open the series, we'd manage to play down to our 2011 level and lose the series? Yeah, that happened. Not that I'm great at prediction or anything - I'm fairly certain my 1 year old godson sensed blood in the water when Marshall started the pitching machine routine on Tuesday. Oh well. There's a division foe for us to disappoint against on the near horizon, and a Sunday trip to Wrigley for this WAIW writer.

I'd like to point out that after his masterful start last Friday, Dempster absolutely exploded against the Phils. This bodes well for Garza on Sunday, who looked amazing against the Phillies (should have WON, FUCKING DAMMIT) and will likely lose to 0-5 Jordan Lyles on Sunday. I'm half-considering picking up Lyles for my fantasy team.

Reader KD was in town for both the 99 degree heat and the suckass display of baseball. Likely, she spent the 2nd-9th innings pining for the skillful performance and organizational stability of the Kansas City Royals.

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Cubs 6 - Phillies 1: Huh ... No Shit?

Really not used to seeing a jubilant Rodrigo Lopez. Eerie.

No matter how hard the Phillies tried, they couldn't solve Rodrigo Lopez. And I'm sure that very sentence is appearing in all caps on some Philly blog somewhere. Hell, I'd be mad too. They're officially the Cubs fans for the morning.

Of all the unexpected wins of the 2011 year (which, depending on how you see things, is either not very many or fucking ALL of them), this was perhaps the least likely. They threw Roy Halladay, who at 34 is making me start to think he's part robot, leading the NL in innings pitched while maintaining a 1.045 WHIP and 2.57 ERA. We threw Rodrigo Lopez, who at 35 makes me marvel at the length of such a mediocre career. Guy's 5 years removed from leading the AL in losses and one removed from leading the NL in both losses and home runs allowed. And he was throwing in Wrigley. Against Ryan Howard and the Phils. I guess some days, everything goes your way. Fans of other teams had told me this in the past, but being a Cubs fan, I never really believed them.

We gave Halladay his first loss since May. If only all the opposing pitchers could pitch under heatstrokey conditions. I jest - he's fine, according to the team, and will likely be back whipping ass soon enough. And credit where credit's due, the Utley/Howard/Ibanez row went 0-for on the evening. No matter what Lopez's overall career looks like, that's a dominant night against a pennant contender.

We've got two tries to actually win an important series. Can we do it? I imagine not, but clearly I can be surprised.

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Weekend Recap: Baseball's Back, and We Still Suck

0-4 with runners with scoring position. No hits for Soto, Soriano, or Barney. Marmol booed off the field and replaced with Sean Marshall. Zero earned runs scored against Ricky fucking Nolasco.

And that was the game we managed to win.

After a thrilling All Star Game, with its possible preview of next year's new Cub first baseman, we got a 4-day reminder of just how little that World Series advantage the NL won matters. Despite the joy of having Cubs baseball and Marlon Byrd back, the second half of the year began no better than we left things before we limped into the All Star Break.

In unusually lucky fashion, however, half of your intrepid WAIW crew (me, namely) managed to be at the park for the lone series win, while the other half (Steve) was across the street on a rooftop. And what a day for baseball Friday was - clear and just shy of godawful hot. Additionally, the sad state of Cubs performance, it's no longer necessary to camp out at 10am to get good bleacher seats for an afternoon game.



This is how I found myself in the front row of the left-center bleachers, with my friend Rich shit-talking Mike Cameron with skillfulness. Cameron played along well, and joined the WAIW pantheon of Opposing Team Outfielders We Respect For Their Ability to Laugh At Themselves. We need a better name for this pantheon.

Today won't get any easier, with the Phillies coming to town. I'd say it'll get far easier after that - Astros and all - but who fucking knows when we'll win a series. Let's just enjoy the ride. And the cheap tickets.

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Castro to Beckert to Cavaretta: Cubs in the All Star Game

Since it's been awhile since we've felt the warm, glowing, warming glow of a satisfying win, we've decided to linger on this All Star Game posting kick awhile longer. A large cohort of Cubs - 208, have participated in the game since its inception in 1933. These guys did it more than anyone else on the team:

- Ernie Banks (14 times)
- Ryne Sandberg (10)

- Ron Santo (9)

- Sammy Sosa, Billy Herman (7)

- Gabby Hartnett, Billy Williams, Don Kessinger (6)

- Andre Dawson (5)

- And so on ...

Legends, to a man. It's easy to forget that Sosa, before he turned into a full-time dickhead and stormed out of town, was such a force in the National League for so long. It's a shame he won't be remembered well. But at least he was a legitimate star. How well will history remember these Cub All Stars?

- Kosuke Fukudome ('08) - I love the guy, but he's a career .262 hitter)

- Jon Lieber ('01) - A .500 pitcher with a number of teams who weren't all that excited to keep him around.

- Steve Trachsel ('96) - He of the 8-18 season in 1999.

- Vance Law ('88) - An artist of mediocrity. Makes Fukudome look like Barry Bonds.

- Steve Swisher ('76) - Obviously he needed to be rewarded for his .276 OBP that year.

How did your favorite Cubs of all time do in the All Star Game? Find out after the jump





You may wonder how your favorites have done over the years. Surely Castro's night was a mixed bag, but at least he managed to leave a positive mark.


- Ryne Sandberg - Thrice the top vote-getter in the NL, Ryno managed one hit in those three games. Not that it counts for anything, but Ryno's All Star game career didn't realy mirror his Hall of Fame regular one. 10 games (9 started), 3 H, 1 R, 1 SB, .115 average. But he did win the 1990 Home Run Derby in Wrigley. Grand total? 3 home runs. Times were different.

- Ron Santo - Ronnie got it done well in his 20 plate appearances over 9 games/4 starts. No extra base hits, but 3 RBIs and a pretty bananas 5 bases on balls. An OBP of .500 is pretty solid against the best pitchers in the game.

- Mark Grace - As much as you imagine Gracie as the top singles hitter of the 1990s, he has no All Star average to speak of. Literally none. Only 4 at-bats in 3/1. None of them good.

- Shawon Dunston - Also zip. Every time I look it up, I hear a sad trombone.

- Fergie Jenkins - In three relief appearances and 4 innings, The Ferg gave up 6 hits and 3 runs against 16 batters. The 6.75 ERA is not great, but it beats Jon Lieber's 18.00.

- Rick Sutcliffe - A similar fate for the Red Baron, who suffered 5 hits, 2 earned runs, and a wild pitch (6.00 ERA) during his 3 trips to the game in the '80s. Of course, knowing what we know now, it's possible he may have been loaded.

- Bill Madlock - If you asked someone unaware of the fact to name the only Cubs All Star Game MVP, I imagine none of them would guess Madlock. Further, I imagine those few might forget that before Maddux, the Memphis-born, Decatur-raised Madlock was dubbed "Mad Dog." He shared the award for the NL's 6-3 victory in Milwaukee with the Mets' John Matlack for scoring the go-ahead run.

- Carlos Zambrano - Three games in relief, 2 hits, 1 run. The pitchers aren't quite as fun to compare, apparently.

- Gabby Hartnett - An underwhelming .200 in 6/3, but he did manage the rare All Star Game triple.

- Ernie Banks - Mr. Cub represented the Cubs well in 14/7 (!!!). Over 35 plate appearances, he hit for a .303 average, including 1 triple and 1 homer.

- Billy Williams - A homer, 2 SB, and a .273 line in 6/2. The consummate quiet guy, no?

- Sammy Sosa - God-awful, consudering what a fixture he was during his superstar years. He kept swinging for one of his famous long balls and never did end up connecting. No extra base hits, a .154 average, and 4 Ks in 7/5.


So that's about all for our All Star roundup. The Marlins will come into town soon, and perhaps we can take 3 out of 4 from the team that has us beat by a mile in the sadness department. At the very least, we'll have a new appreciation for Starlin Castro.

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National League 5 - American League 1: All-Starlin

Translated from Spanish: "The All Star Game ... there was more crotch than I was expecting. You know?"

As we do every year, your dogged WAIW editors spent the evening of the MLB All Star Game taking in sausage, beer, and the clash between the heroic, saintly ballplayers of the NL and the godless DH-ing AL dogs. In a surprising and welcome change, the National League actually won the fucking thing for once. Twice, actually. In a row. But who's keeping track?

While we may only have had dog in the fight, thanks to the bizarre reasoning of Aramis Ramirez, it was at least the player we most wanted to see on the national stage. Viewers at home of the non-Cubs fan variety most likely mistook young Starlin for a batboy. Hard to believe he's only 21 and already getting significant innings in the All Star game. And make no mistake, he's not just there because we needed a representative. Shitty (but improving!) fielding aside, Starlin Castro is a legitimate All Star.

So how did he do? Mixed results with reason for joyful optimism - much like his season with the Cubs. He struck out in his only at bat, but managed two steals when put in to run for starting SS Troy Tulowitzki. He got tagged out trying to score on a fielder's choice, but only on a great bare-handed pick and throw by the pitcher. He screwed up a throw to first in the 9th (which Steve correctly predicted), but also gunned out the last AL batter of the game. All in all, not a bad performance.

I find it impossible to dislike Brian Wilson. Every single action he undertakes seems calculated to fuck with you. Probably what makes him such an effective pitcher. Plus: Greatest ASG Introduction Ever? YUP.

What was especially strange is how the NL won it - they took the lead early on Prince Fielder's home run, added a couple for good measure, and won it pretty easily. I was really used to watching the NL blow a lead (2008 - FUCK YOU DAN UGGLA), or seeing the AL go up early and kill off the eventual NL rally (2005). Last night was ... nice. Certainly watching Castro gun it to throw out White Sox first baseman Paul Konerko was an excellent way to see the National League win. And perhaps with these back-to-back victories, the National League will stop being such fucking pushovers. I'm not asking for 13 victories in a row, but let's push the series our way for awhile.

Also fun? After (Future Cub?) Prince Fielder left the game post-HR, Joey Votto, Reds 1st baseman and Archduke of Douchington Castle, replaced him. And sucked ass. He looked more confused at the plate than a 9 year old at the park weighing the pros and cons of delicious candy vs. the stranger in sweatpants who smells like mustard and wants to get him into a van to help find his puppy.

Go fuck yourself, Joey Votto. You were no part of this win. And that makes it all the sweeter.

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Friday Five: The Underrated Cubs

Not everyone can be Sandberg, Banks, or Wood. Especially on a team where titles of any sort are few and far between. The truth is, we mostly get by with a lot of fan-favorite types here at Addison and Clark. Sometimes they're good but not great. Sometimes they're likable but not good. It's what happens when you haven't won a pennant since 1945.

Presented here are the Cubs that won't be on the "vintage" t-shirts or Cooperstown jerseys at Dick's or the team store at the mall. But when I think of the years poured into just hoping we'd make .500 - and becoming ecstatic when we could - these are the guys I remember.


5. Jose Guzman

The first choice is perhaps the most obscure. Hell, the guy spent three times as long with Texas and his number now graces the hated Jeff Samardzija. He really only had one full season with us, where he went 12-10. This is a totally personal choice.

As the story goes, I came home from school one day and my mom was super excited to tell me about how the Cubs won becauase of Jose Guzman's dominating performance. Thing is, she never gave a shit about baseball before that point, and hasn't really after. I still don't know what brought it on besides the excitement of seeing a nobody from a bad Cubs team outduel a young John Smoltz and a Braves team that ended up winning 104 games that year. A gem of a performance, broken up only by Otis goddam Nixon.

Mom's excitement got me really pumped up for the season. We finished fourth, but we finished 84-78. For the Cubs of my childhood, that was pretty good. Sometimes it just takes one good game to get excited for a 4th place team.

4. Glenn Beckert

Aside from his presence on the legendary, heartbreaking 1969 Cubs, Glenn Beckert was a pretty damn good 2nd baseman. He hit an incredible .342 in 1971. He also hit on my wife before she was such, which is why he's on this list.

3. Phil Cavaretta

As a huge fan and dedicated but marginally talented player of 16" softball, I've read a fair bit about this uniquely Chicago sport. What you may not know is that lifelong Chicagoan and Lane Tech alum Phil Cavaretta was a fan of the game. In fact, he even played in the short-lived Windy City Softball League, which existed from 1932-1948.

Sure, he hit .292 and played two decades for us. That makes him admirable. But he also hacked at the high arc of a 16" pitch and toughened his hands to the finger-breaking demands of this beer-league sport. That makes him relatable.

2. Kosuke Fukudome

I'm sure I'll take crap for this in the years to come. Hell, I already do. But if we had a guy who hit .265-ish, but got on base at a .369 clip and played stellar defense, and wasn't making $12 million, we'd be thrilled. It's that paycheck Big Hendo handed out that's the problem, and that phenomenon is hardly isolated to Kosuke.

I've loved Fuk ever since he hit his first major league pitch off the ivy at Wrigley and later sent the game into extras with a 3-run homer in the 9th on a miserable, rainy Opening Day 2008. I can't help that he makes a dickload of money, but I can go apeshit every time he runs down a hard liner to the gap or guns a runner from right field.

1. Shawon Dunston

History may tell a different story, but as a kid growing up here in the late 80s and early 90s, both Andre Dawson and Shawon Dunston were legends. LEGENDS. When we got a pickup game together in my neighbor's yard, the thing to do was throw up your hand and yell what player you were - as through screaming "I'M MARK GRACE" made it so. Every time, without fail, the quickest kid took either the Hawk or Dunston - on a 50/50 basis, as I recall. So what if his bat was sometimes as unreliable as his well-known loose cannon arm? Kids are excited by big swings and big potential, not a smart take on a 2-2 count. And the Shawon-O-Meter didn't hurt, either.

He was good, not great, and if that doesn't say Chicago Cubs to you, then you haven't been paying attention long enough.

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Holiday Weekend Recap: New Lows

A few items to catch us up.

- Remember when the phrase "3 in a row against the Nats" was uttered in a positive light? More than that, remember when it was a virtual lock that we'd be happily talking about 3 games against the Nats? We've fallen pretty far in a couple of years and are paying more than ever for it. I almost hope we lose today, just to dig the pit a little deeper for Kenney and Hendo.

- Before that, we fapped away the second series against the White Sox, because it's apparently our thing now to lose to them. Hey, if the players don't give a shit, why should I?

- One guy in the All Star game this year. That's now 11 out of the last 15 years that's happened. One of those years was Steve Trachsel. HA!

- Let's end on a positive - Starlin Castro is that lone All-Star representative. I'm extremely happy about that, and would be even happier if this is the start of his challenging Ernie Banks's record of 14 NL All Star appearances. A man can dream.

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