National League 5 - American League 1: All-Starlin

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

National League 5 - American League 1: All-Starlin

. Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Translated from Spanish: "The All Star Game ... there was more crotch than I was expecting. You know?"

As we do every year, your dogged WAIW editors spent the evening of the MLB All Star Game taking in sausage, beer, and the clash between the heroic, saintly ballplayers of the NL and the godless DH-ing AL dogs. In a surprising and welcome change, the National League actually won the fucking thing for once. Twice, actually. In a row. But who's keeping track?

While we may only have had dog in the fight, thanks to the bizarre reasoning of Aramis Ramirez, it was at least the player we most wanted to see on the national stage. Viewers at home of the non-Cubs fan variety most likely mistook young Starlin for a batboy. Hard to believe he's only 21 and already getting significant innings in the All Star game. And make no mistake, he's not just there because we needed a representative. Shitty (but improving!) fielding aside, Starlin Castro is a legitimate All Star.

So how did he do? Mixed results with reason for joyful optimism - much like his season with the Cubs. He struck out in his only at bat, but managed two steals when put in to run for starting SS Troy Tulowitzki. He got tagged out trying to score on a fielder's choice, but only on a great bare-handed pick and throw by the pitcher. He screwed up a throw to first in the 9th (which Steve correctly predicted), but also gunned out the last AL batter of the game. All in all, not a bad performance.

I find it impossible to dislike Brian Wilson. Every single action he undertakes seems calculated to fuck with you. Probably what makes him such an effective pitcher. Plus: Greatest ASG Introduction Ever? YUP.

What was especially strange is how the NL won it - they took the lead early on Prince Fielder's home run, added a couple for good measure, and won it pretty easily. I was really used to watching the NL blow a lead (2008 - FUCK YOU DAN UGGLA), or seeing the AL go up early and kill off the eventual NL rally (2005). Last night was ... nice. Certainly watching Castro gun it to throw out White Sox first baseman Paul Konerko was an excellent way to see the National League win. And perhaps with these back-to-back victories, the National League will stop being such fucking pushovers. I'm not asking for 13 victories in a row, but let's push the series our way for awhile.

Also fun? After (Future Cub?) Prince Fielder left the game post-HR, Joey Votto, Reds 1st baseman and Archduke of Douchington Castle, replaced him. And sucked ass. He looked more confused at the plate than a 9 year old at the park weighing the pros and cons of delicious candy vs. the stranger in sweatpants who smells like mustard and wants to get him into a van to help find his puppy.

Go fuck yourself, Joey Votto. You were no part of this win. And that makes it all the sweeter.


KD said...

I was like a proud mama watching lil Starlin out there! Our boy is growing up. :)

I blame Starlin's error on Joey "F**kface" Votto.

I LOVE Brian Wilson. You're right, he is SO f'ing with people. I think he's hilarious, right down to that ridiculous beard. I fear The Beard. And you should too.

Also hilarious? Heath Bell. Too bad he might become a Cardinal.

I feel that the Prince WILL be the Cubs first baseman next season. Better get my Carlos Pena ogling in now.

KD said...

PS, I'll be at Wrigley next Wed. Can't wait to watch them lose to the Phillies!

John said...

I also blamed Votto. Steve and the scorekeeper thought differently.

I forgot to mention it, but when Wilson told Eric Karros (who looked like a "Wall Street" extra), that "you have impeccable hair," it was the greatest interview moment in All Star history.