Oh SNAP! It's Pub Crawl Week!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Oh SNAP! It's Pub Crawl Week!

. Monday, June 6, 2011

(And also our 700th post. How about that?)

Ladies and gentlemen of legal drinking age, we are mere DAYS from embarking upon the greatest sacrament to Cubs fandom that one can perform - the Third Annual Wasting Away in Wrigleyville Pub Crawl. The format is simple - nine bars, nine innings. We meet at Lucky's Sandwich Company (on Clark about a block south of the stadium), lay a base of giant sandwich, have a couple warm-up beers, then head over to The Yard for the first pitch. From there SHIT. IS. ON. Each inning, we hit a new bar and enjoy a cold beverage, all the way until the euphoric end at Wrigleyville classic Bernie's. Hot damn, I can almost taste the Old Style now. It's important to not forget our ground rules.

WAIW Pub Crawl Ground Rules

1. Straight cash.

Get plenty of cash before the crawl - you don't want to have to hit an ATM mid-crawl. A double-play can send us scrambling to the next destination while you're asking "hm ... $20 or $40" like some dumbshit. And if you dare to put down a credit card for your drinks, I'll shank you myself with a sharpened souvenir mini bat.

2. IDs at the ready

If they check your ID at the first four bars and you don't think to have the ID ready for the next five (and then some), then you're an idiot and likely shouldn't be trusted grown-up scissors. This whole thing only works if we act smart and expedite. Wear it around your neck if you have to.

3. Finish up and head on.

If you find yourself with an empty bottle with an out or two left, head over to the next place and get started anew. This always goes way easier when we stagger ourselves a bit. It's not easy to serve a block of 40 people who all come in the door at once on a Saturday afternoon. Have some pity for the poor bartenders.

4. Don't behave jerkoffishly

Yes, this is a drinking event. Yes, we will be hitting multiple bars. But don't make a mess, start screaming, or overserve yourself and throw up. That double shot of Jager? Not a good idea in the fourth inning. Be nice to the bartenders, and you'd better fucking tip. They've not got an easy job come Saturday.

5. Document

Texts. Photos. Twitter. We want your experiences, drunken philosophizing, and slurs directed towards the Phillies, our division rivals, and life in the NL Central in general. We'll put it all up on the blog.

6. Pick your side

Every year, Steve and I hate a drunken batting contest at Sluggers. You can cheer for me, or for Steve, but never both. This shit's gonna be WAR!

7. Have fun and make it to the end

By following our guidelines and PACING YOURSELF, you'll ensure a wonderful day of repeatedly drinking beer and repeatedly cursing the ineptness of your favorite baseball team. And really, isn't that what it's all about? Shit yes. Prepare well for Saturday, kids. It's gonna be superb.


Jake said...

That's a sweet fucking map. John please keep note of the north arrow.