Weekend Recap: Nothing Offensive

Monday, May 9, 2011

Weekend Recap: Nothing Offensive

. Monday, May 9, 2011

You think you feel bad, imagine if you'd paid to watch it.

The Cubs offense is starting me make me want to hurt myself and others. Every time we get men on base, I get this weird Pavlovian reaction where I start to get mad at their imminent stranding. Someone hits a leadoff double and I'm all "SONOFABITCH!" It's what happens when you go 2-12 with runners in scoring position. In one game. Not to mention the rest of the punchless weekend.

The Ronnie Award, 5/6-8 weekend

Kosuke Fukudome

Not that Fuk had a fantastic weekend by any stretch - his strikeout with the bases loaded and no outs on Friday being particularly egregious - but he's literally the only player who got his shit together long enough to deliver a kill shot. Literally, of all the chances we had all weekend to do some damage and put away a game, this was the one singular occurrence of it happening.

The LaTroy

Geovany Soto

It should be every-damn-body, but that's not the way this fake award has been set up to work by me. He gets the nod for the two back-breaking double plays he hit into.

4-24 with runners in scoring position. Can't imagine why the seats aren't full of asses with these newly-inflated ticket prices.