Cubs 4 - Dodgers 1: Putting it all Together

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Cubs 4 - Dodgers 1: Putting it all Together

. Wednesday, May 4, 2011

"No, Geo, I already told you, I'm not 'gonna start pitching like shit' now."

Last night was quite the anomaly - a couple of the players that WAIW has been pissy about went ahead and pulled themselves together. Dempster went 7 innings with 6 hits and a run and Pena FINALLY hit a damn home run. Of course, to restore our universe to balance, Starlin Castro went 0-4. Apparently the NL works on karma.

Dempster's performance last night, though against a team with a fantastically shitty lineup, eased my mind a bit and brought his ERA back on the happy side of 9 (HA). Pena's dinger, while cathartic, did not provide nearly as much surcease, as he's still rocking a .515 OPS. In that fashion, I'd like to let you know what each of the following Cubs scapegoats must do to get back in my good graces.

- Geovany Soto: Bring that average over .250. I don't care if you've got to get fat again to do it. And please stop grooming the beard so precisely. It creeps one out.

- Alfonso Soriano: Please bring up the OBP and batting average. Failing that, hit 10 homers every month.

- James Russell: Personally heal Wells and Cashner so we don't have you watch you start games anymore. Go back to being a mediocre bullpen option.

- Jeff Samardzija: Take back up the mantle of football. Sign with Packers. Cry on bench.

- John Grabow: Change name to "Not John Grabow" and renounce all athletic competition. Become hot dog vendor. Give me free hot dogs for life. Apologize on deathbed.