We AWAIWKEN!: Your Guide to the Cubs Offseason

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

We AWAIWKEN!: Your Guide to the Cubs Offseason

. Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Hello there, boys and girls of WAIW. While we wait for the season (and commensurate AWESOME PUB CRAWL - announcement to come) to start, let's go over what we missed while sitting on our blogger asses.

- Garza: Cub. Carlos Pena: Also Cub, but a less exciting story.

Prepare for Archer and Hak Ju Lee to immediately become incredible players. Trading prospects away is the only way I can be convinced they'll develop into major leaguers some day.

Pena's contract is nice, as we get out of it after a year, without worrying about a crazy backloaded deal. Speaking of backloaded deals...

- Marmol: Rich, beyyyyotch!

Thank god. I don't care how much you have to pay that filthy son of a bitch to stay around, he's worth every penny of this three year, 20M deal. We'll all curse his name and this deal eventually, because that's the nature of the closer. But let's remember Kevin Gregg, shit on his memory, and drink a toast to Carlos Marmol (filthy).

He'll make three million this year, and seven million in two years. Oh Big Hendo. Now you're just fucking with us.

- Pick 13 Plan: Oh, fuck you.

Since the Mastercard pre-sale must not have worked out for them last year, the Ricketts ass-brain trust has decided that if you want to see the Yankees with a dame (or fella), you'd better pony up for 24 additional tickets. Sure can't wait to see the Pirates on a Tuesday in September for full price - but hey, you got to see us get clobbered by the Yankees, right? That was fun, right?

- Zambrano: Better

No, seriously guys. Like, he's gonna chill and shit. No more ... oh, who am I fucking kidding?

So there you go - you now know all you need to know about the 2011 Chicago Cubs. Get your drankin' shoes on, ladies and gents. Tickets go on sale next Friday.


KD said...

Hi WAIW! I'm irrationally excited for the 2011 season. Clearly I need my meds checked.