WAIW's Resolutions for 2011

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

WAIW's Resolutions for 2011

. Wednesday, January 5, 2011

We at WAIW, in the spirit of self-improvement that grips so many fatties and smokers during this time of year, have decided to attempt some Cubs-based New Years resolutions. Unlike most resolutions, this set of goals isn't about improving our failings - it's about coming to early terms with the failure of the 2011 Cubs. Not to depress you or anything, but if you watched last year's, then I'm sunshine and rainbows in comparison. How will we withstand the very probable 4th place finish? How will we profess devotion to a team when we hate the guy in charge of personnel and find the ownership pathetic and spineless? ALCOHOL! Also, these very timely resolutions.

WAIW's 2011 Cubs Resolutions

- WAIW hereby resolves to give the Ricketts ownership the benefit of the doubt, just as they gave Jim Hendry, Crane Kenney, and any potential sponsor with two nickels to rub together and a dumbss promotional idea (Fuck you, giant macaroni).

- We hereby resolve to give our undying support to Kerry Wood during his farewell tour because he hammered out his contract at D'Agostino's on Southport, and we both find that to be pretty bad-ass. We secondarily resolve to get drunk on the Pub Crawl at eat pizza there.

- We also resolve to again act surprised when Carlos Zambrano underperforms, freaks out, misses a month or more, and comes back to pitch solidly when we're 20 games out of contention.

- We resolve to drink until we forget the fact that Samardzija is out of minor league options, and that Hungry Hungry Hendry will likely waste a roster spot on that sack of crap.

- We resolve to not bitch too loudly when Marmol blows a win, as he will likely be well out of practice and unfamiliar with the situation by the time that happens.

- We resolve not to get our hopes up when Fukudome hits .330 in April, and further resolve to ignore trade rumors regarding him. Seriously, no one wants him.

- Steve and I resolve to continue fighting about the quality of Aramis Ramirez like an old married gay couple.

- I resolve to attend Opening Day at Wrigley, and also resolve to use one of the floating holidays that work gives me for religious reasons.

- We resolve to continue attending games long after the rotting corpse of the Cubs has begun to stink up the NL Central basement, so long as we don't have to pay more than $10 for good seats.

- Finally, we resolve to crack a cold Old Style, sit in the sun, and enjoy ourselves. Multiple times. Sometimes, that's all we've got as Cubs fans.