Weekend Recap: How Sweep It Is (I'm Sorry For That)

As sad, or sadder than when he drops his ice cream cone on the sidewalk outside the Dairy Queen?

Our animosity toward the Johnnny-Come-Latelies to our immediate north is well-documented. Yet the odometer of my glee nearly clicked over to pity midway through Sunday's game. This, dear friends, was an unmitigated shit beating of a newly-hated rival. It wasn't quite 4-game sweep in 2008 good, but it was still pretty damn good.

Friday

More like Woo-HooDome, amIright? My mom says I'm cool ...

My favorite part of any solid Cubs win? When it contains a Fukudome home run - I'm a child like that. He's one of my favorite players, owing to a 3-run homer on Opening Day 2008, and will continue to be in September, when he's hitting .178 with an improbable .404 OBP. Between the offense ruining (or highlighting the ruination of, rather) Jeff Suppan and Demspter mowing through what can at times be a pain in the ass lineup coming off a 20-run bushwhacking, all was good in Cubdom.

Saturday

You know it's a good series when 5-1 looks like a close game in comparison to the other two. You also know it's going to be sweet when the man, the myth, the Lilly emerges from his thousand year slumber to put the boots to Milwaukee (especially Prince Fielder) by mowing through 6 innings on only 78 pitches. Welcome back, Ted-Bot. Time to ruin some mofos.

Sunday

"Yeah, six orders of nachos over here. I said SIX! SIX! Just bring the warming box down here."

This would be right around the time I noticed that Ryan Theriot was ravaging Brewer pitching. I'm not predisposed to like Theriot very much, so it took me a little longer to realize he was making Milwaukee children cry tears that smelled of kielbasa and nacho cheese. He wasn't the only one, either - Fuku and Colvin tore it up as well.

On a related note, next person to say "triple away from the cycle" gets dickpunched. That's the hardest part, you tards. Len and Bob, I love you, but you were acting rather tardly. I guess a 12-2 game doesn't leave much on-field action to talk about, but still ... how about we wait until someone's a double or single away before we start getting all lathered up about a meaningless accomplishment in a blowout? But on a happier note, either Craig Counsell is in a slump or he spent the weekend regretting the purchase of one of Ryan Braun's abominable shirts.

"She said I looked like a bag of douche with a face on it - I'm never going to Olive Garden again! Oooh, but I really love their breadsticks ... sigh."

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Crimes Against Commerce: 2010 Cubs Bobbleheads

As many of you loyal readers may know, I am a big, big fan of bobbleheads. But it's not a weirdo hoarding thing - it's only really Cubs bobbleheads (with the odd Hawks or Fire promotion thrown in), and it's only from games that I've been to. I don't buy them after the fact, I don't leave games after getting them, and I don't leave them in the packaging. I'd say that I use them to break the monotony of work, but my boss reads this site. So I'll say that I use them to drag me down from the heights of bliss that my work brings me. No sir, baseball cannot compare to my 9-5 (or 7-3:30, as it were) and all that.



... because this what happens.

But this year, I'm conflicted. I don't want to grow my collection to Hoarders-level size. But then again, I might really enjoy an Aramis one, or a D-Lee, or even, heaven help me, a Soto. Turns out, the Cubs front office has dictated by actions. And holy goat-fucking hell ... well, you know what, you'll just have to see.

"He can't really be serious, right? Those are photoshopped?" after the jump



The Cubs delayed the announcement of bobblehead promotions unusually long this year. This gave me high hopes. High, stupid-ass hopes. Let's put it this way - when Jim Hendry takes an extra-long time to sign a reliever, an outfielder, or anyone who isn't a backup utility infielder, does that ever turn out for the best? Fuck no it doesn't. Without further ado, let's see what the Hendries of the marketing department shat out.

Carlos Zambrano 2010 Bobblehead



Hot sweet Moses, that's awful. Given that Venezuela is far and away a baseball state (and not at all good at soccer), and the inherent white guilt present in all middle-class white guys, I find myself wondering if this is somehow racist.

No, no it's not. It just sucks. Hard.

Ryan Theriot 2010 Bobblehead



Here we get to the money shot of awfulness. A bobblehead so bad that its mouth-breathing trucker shot a snuff film with the cigarette-burned teenage runaway of my Cubs fandom. This is awful, and it reveals itself to be so in stages. You start at the hat, wondering why the hell the Cubs are giving away General Custer bobbleheads. Then you go down to the face. Now, I don't spend an inordinate amount of time looking at Ryan Theriot, but that shit does not at all resemble our shortstop. Even Theriot, who I don't like, deserves better than this. Keep going, past the New Orleans Saints jersey/vest and the Eddie Bauer pants, and you get to the Gorton Fisherman's yellow rowboat. Well whoop-de-fucking-doo. I may have to attend this game, if only to take one of these abominations out of existence.

That, by the way, is the entire run. We usually get at least four quality bobblehead nights - this year, two awful ones. Or maybe I missed Marlon Byrd riding the Eagle at Six Flags, Tom Gorezelanny reading to special needs children, and Ryan Dempster mooning a Tim Horton's in the offseason. Actually, that last one sounds kind of sweet.

Last year was Billy Williams, Fergie Jenkins, Ernie Banks, and Ryno. Last year was awesome, and I have all of them. The year before that I got my Fukudome one, which sort of looks like the crying Indian from the litter PSAs, as a commenter pointed out. The year before that was D.Lee. This year? Well this year we get General Custer in a yellow row boat. Go team!

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A Win, A Loss, A Microcosm

Almost reminds you of Carlos Zambrano, except he is, you know, a starting pitcher

So the Cubs announce that they are going to move Zambrano to the bullpen, then Zambrano lookalike has a solid game in one of the Cubs best games of the year so far, beating the Mets 9-3. Silva is the new ace, Soriano is a solid hitter...if this was a sitcom I'd say "who are you and what have you done with my Cubs." Alas, the elation was short-lived as the Cubs lose the series closer to go a miserable 1-3 against a miserable Mets team. Its almost as awful as going 1-2 at home against the Astros.

More increasing bitter words, after the jump.

Easy there, Fred Astaire

I still don't know what to make of this year's team. These guys always seem to have awful Aprils, but I haven't developed any emotional connection with them. Not like the 2008 team, which was easily one of the personal favorites of what I will dub the "obsession era" of my fandom (circa 1998 - present), and not like the 2009 team, which has to be my least favorite team of said era. Perhaps it is because I have been very busy and haven't caught as many games as typical, but also probably has to do with every time I do watch them they don't look very good. For example, I missed the Wednesday game, save some cursory updates, and I split my time for the Thursday game between the Hawks and Cubs. Literally this second, Lee made the final out. All the time I have spent in between periods of the Hawks watching, I have seen nothing but dismalness. I need to avoid getting bitter. How do we do that here? C'mon, you know it has to be some inane, unrelated video clip:

Now that we have blissful memories of our youth and forgot that the Cubs are 6-10, we can focus on a weekend series against division rivals. So please, try to win some games, there are only so many cartoons that I watched as a kid that can make me forget.

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WAIW At the Home Opener

The view from inside, where I ate caviar and spat upon the masses. Then my monocle broke, and I cried.

You may not believe me, or the tiny box in the lower left corner of our blog, but Steve and I have actually seen the Cubs win games. In person. With offense. On a nice day. At the first game of the year! Holy shit, is your mind blown? That was Twilight Zone-level mindfuckery.

I will never stop using this picture whenever his name comes up.

You know who else was in town? WAIW Special Correspondent Conrad Bradburn. He and his ladyfriend flew into town early in the morning for the game. I mean it - just for the game. After a solid Cubs victory and a celebratory post-game burger and beer, they flew the fuck back to Nashville. Imagine such a thing - they booked a flight for a day trip to Chicago, only to see the Cubs, drink some cold Old Style, and fly back. The weather could have turned out shit, like every other Opening Day ever. The Cubs could have sucked, like a disturbing amount of games so far this year. But no, the weather was beautiful, the Cubs excellent, and the day worth a flight up from Music City. That is why the man is WAIW's one and only Special Correspondent.

We drank some beer and made this video on the way into the game. Why we decided to face the street, rather than the stadium, is anyone's guess. Please to enjoy.

I'm so doughy. I need to start throwing up like all the skinny guys at school. Someone create an After School Special, before it's too late!

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Mets 4 - Cubs 0: Your Straightforward Game Log

Not from last night, but fitting.

The Cubs lost - again - to the New York Mets last night. And holy shit was it bad. Let's look at the numbers:

Pitching

Carlos Zambrano - 6.0 IP, 6H, 2R, 3BB, 9K, L (1-2)
Jeff Gray - 1.0 IP, 1H, 0R
John Grabow - 1.0IP, 2H, 2R, 1BB, 1HR

Hitting

It existed. [Citation Needed]

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Mets 6 - Cubs 1: A Very Cub-like Performance

I'm moving apartments at the moment, currently moving from the North Side to ... a slightly different part of the North Side. But it remains that moving is a pain in the ass. I don't have a whole lot of time right now, but sometimes one picture says it all. I think this will do nicely.

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Weekend Recap: Gahhhhhhhhhh

Nutshell.

We are ... not very good this year. I can't think of a better series to illustrate this point. I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

If you lose a series to a terrible team, what does that make your team? The frustrating part is that the Cubs did enough well to inspire hope. Terrible, heart-blackening hope. Ryan Dempster? Hope, smashed by the hammer of a blown save and no offense to speak of. Marmol on Friday? Hope, smashed by the novelty mallet of Sunday. Ah well. Gorezelanny? Him and the offense never show up on the same day. And now we broke him.

Do a mopey Charlie Brown walk to the rest of the recaps, after the jump.

The high point of the weekend happened while I was still at work.

Friday started out fairly poorly, as we spent a few innings behind 2-1, giving ourselves mystified looks, and saying "come, on. It's the ASTROS!" Eventually the Cubs did pull out of that particular slump, finally shit-beating Paulino and chasing his relief with D-Lee's 3-run HR. It was a fantastic, sunny Friday, and the weekend was full of possibility. We soon learned our lesson.

Saturday, the Cubs waited just a liiiiiittle too long to take Friday's message. Sloth got hit in the arm by a liner, his relief pitched ... okay ... and the problems with the offense compounded. Fukudome struck out with the tying run in scoring position. That was painful.

Don't yell at yourself. We'll do that for you.

But not nearly as painful as Sunday, where an amazing outing by Dempster was completely thrown away by the offense and by Lou's leaving Dempster in a bit too long. The entire lineup - from 1-8 and all the subs - owe Dempster a steak dinner, an apology, and a really awkward HJ. The Canadian did all he could to say "we are NOT losing to the goddam Astros," and the team responded with "oh yes we are, you dick." Going defensive at the end bit Lou in the ass, swapping Nady for Colvin, Soriano for Fukudome, and Three Finger for Soto. It's not like anyone was getting it done, but Koyie/Colvin/Fuku doesn't give you the best chance for a winning run. And thus did we lose to the team that started 0-9.

But hey, it's not all bad news. Ivy's coming in.

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My First Recap of the Year! (cubs lose)

It is very rare when a picture can even make you think to Google this.

A day after proudly reaching .500 (read: this could be a long season), the Cubs fall back to under the even mark. Listening to the game off and on makes it especially hard to recap what exactly happened, but all I really needed to know about the game can be summed up in a text from John: Samardzija throwing. That simple two-word phrase pretty much gave me all I needed to know. We were going to lose.

Someone clearly got picked on by jocks in high school

Coming into the game, Eric Stoltz in Mask (henceforth to be known as ESiM) inherited a tie-ball game. Leaving he game, the Cubs inherited a 2 run deficit going into the 9th (pop-culture analogy: Britney Spears going from JT to K-Fed; political analogy: balanced budget from Clinton to Bush throwing it all away; scientific analogy: atom all of the sudden having more electrons than protons; sigh, you get the point). On the bright side, by only giving up 2 runs in his 2 innings, ESiM was able to bring his ERA down to a 16.2. I'm fairly certain the tee in T-Ball games gives up less runs.

Ramirez counts the number of good pitches ESiM has on his fingers

Ahh, that was good to get out. Clearly we at WAIW are not fans. Notre Dame hatred aside - I could forgive that if he actually performed. That isn't to say that the team played particularly well. Zambrano struggled again, throwing 120+ pitches in 5 inning. Offensively, things seem to slowly be coming together after the first week (and Byrd and Colvin continue to earn their way into the lineup). Fortunately for us, we have the Astros coming into town for the weekend, who became the last team to get a win in MLB today (double-bonus-no-wammys-style against the Cards).

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Cubs 7 - Brewers 6: April Fukudome Strikes Again

Fukudome: A Bizarro Tom Selleck in "Mr. Baseball."

This is getting insane. For the third year in a row, Kosuke Fukudome has brought death and ruin unto our enemies. He's like an even-keel Angel of Death out there every Spring. This is exactly why I love Fukudome despite his Julys, Augusts, and Septembers. The good memories always outweigh the bad. I mean, come on - one of my favorite underperforming Cubs won the game off of everyone's least underperforming former Cub. It will never get old to see LaTroy blow leads at Wrigley, because, as Winston Churchill used to say, fuck that guy.

More fake Churchill, after the jump

Alright, we're not mad at you ... today."

Enjoyable as the game was, it wasn't at all easy to listen to. Randy Wells was saved from one of those explosive 4-HR outings by the grace of God and a stiff wind blowing in. They hit him hard, but have jack to show for it. I will try and remember this the next time we smack around a starter and end up losing the game anyway. Of course, we won't be putting LaTroy out there to try and tack down a game. What kind of sad bastard gets the first two outs with bases empty and walks the next two guys? The kind of guy who thinks a lack of control on the mound and in the locker room implies racism by Cubs fans. Thanks for the game, LaTroy!

All the fielding skills of the finest DH.

Also brutal? Soriano in left. Most years, he at least makes a show of increased defensive effort early on in the season. This year he's going more with the Adam Smith "Invisible Hand" fielding style. Tom Emanski weeps ... from the grave? Let me check. Nope, still alive. And, according to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, worth $75 million (yeah, citation definitely needed). Soriano got pulled to a cacaphony of boos, because his fielding makes him the equivalent of the crappy right-fielder on your little league team. You hide him, but eventually the ball's going to come to him, and you just hope you survive.

Marmol - assuring us early on that this "Kevin Gregg" we keep talking about was just a nightmare. Now go back to sleep. Marmol's here, baby.

But hey, this was one of the best April games I can remember. I may have been stuck listening to WGN at work, but you best believe I caught the last inning from my car. Beautiful weather, Fukudomination, and a series win against the hated Brewers is more than enough for a rewarding afternoon.

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WAIW Pub Crawl: Liver Failure in Nine Acts

Ok, so we're done drinking Pedialyte and eating recovery burritos. That only took - what, four days? Good lord, what a Pub Crawl. We expected a good turnout, but were well aware that Facebook is not a legally binding agreement. So imagine our surprise when damn near everyone actually did turn up. If real life always turned out like the Internet, I wouldn't have spent those three years locked in that weirdo's basement, surviving off of bugs and cursing the Deep Space 9 message boards. But I digress.

Ladies and gentlemen, we did it again. Nine bars, nine innings, with some industrious crawlers substituting the Sports Corner for the closed (oh, come on!) Dugout. Add Lucky's pre-game and extra innings at the Gingerman and D'Agostino's, you're talking a shit-ton of beer. And the baseball was pretty good too - people swear an honest-to-god Fukudome homer happened. I believed them until they also told me that Soriano homered. Come on, guys. At least tell believable lies.

We also managed to create a veritable blog summit - Corey from Ivy Envy and about half of the Exile on Clark crew showed up. Turns out they exist in real life, and can hold their Malort to boot.

Live blogging this year wasn't as good as last year - the downward spiral isn't pictured quite so clearly. But suffice to say, the wheels fell of at D'Agostino's. We'll follow this up with the best pictures of the crawl in a separate post - to make you feel all special and loved. Until then, enjoy the live blog, after the post.



Live Blogging

Posted by John at 10:23 AM

Daddy needs a drink. The Pub Crawl ... AWAKENS!



The earliest drinkers - which is to say, the baddest-ass.

Posted by John at 11:08 AM

We have commenced. Find Michelle Riopel if you want to buy tickets for Monday May 17 - vs the Rockies - for a scant 15 bucks. Note: Still true. Send us an e-mail if you're interested in getting some.



Laying the base.

I could eat one of these every day. You want to drink for a solid nine hours, you eat several types of meat topped with fries and slaw.

Posted by John at 11:56 AM

To the Yard!



Ummm ... ok?

This is why live texting in bars (I imagine this is a national thing) is a terrible idea. I wonder which Buffalo Wild Wings it was that Glenn Beck sent this from.



Posted by John at 1:19 PM

SOOOOORRRRRRIIIiIIaAAAAAABNNNnNNNOOOOOO

Huh, so it was me. Still don't believe it.

Posted by Steve at 1:50 PM

The general public used to stand here, now...marble counters. - wolfie

In reference to the Captain Morgan Club.

Posted by Steve at 1:53 PM

Hope dugout is open!!

It was not. Bastards. Alter your pub crawl shirts to say "Stupid Jerkasses."

Posted by John

Harrt Caray's impressed by the shirts.

They were. I guess ... I was impressed that they were impressed? Meta.

Posted by John at 2:22 PM

We arrrr legind

I think I meant a different Will Smith reference. That should read. "Welcome to EARF!"

Posted by John at 3:20 PM

Justins eyeborws are ladylike

Because a Scotsman has the right to criticize grooming.

Posted by John at 4:10 PM

Unattended fries equals magic fries

Ew. No other way to take that, really.

Posted by John at 5:36 PM

AhmeSshmirtrtwhqmbrtyukjhgrtyuiuytrtyuiytryujkjgdgt?tertyuikjh

I'm fairly certain that was my attempt to transcribe a Bob Dylan song.




Pub crawl pictures coming up next. Thanks for another great crawl.

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Ho. Lee. Shit.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

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WAIW Stuff: On the (Internet) Radio, and One Last Pub Crawl Announcement

Image courtesy of Jake at EOC. It's called "Untitled Map 3: Fuck Yes I Want Another Beer. What Do I Look Like, Some Pansy-Ass Reds Fan?"

As I look over that Facebook that you kids all seem to love, I see that there are a staggering 79 of you confirmed to come, along with 71 of you who can't make up your fool minds. That is a shitload of people. It's staggering, stirring, stupefying ... and other Don King words. Combine that with tomorrow's forecast (superb for April) in both Cincy and Chicago, and suffice to say that shit is going to be on. Just remember,

Thy 2010 WAIW Pub Crawl Ground Commandments

1. Cash. At every bar. You start a tab, you get shanked with a sharpened toothbrush.

2. If you finish your drink with an out or two left in the bottom of the inning, get thyself to the next bar. 70 people trying to enter a bar at once isn't a pretty sight.

3. Have your ID at the ready for every bar. Especially if you're wearing pigtails and a Hello, Kitty! backback. Wolfie, this means you.

4. We've got koozies and a minimal amount of shirts for sale tomorrow. Exact change, por favor.

5. If you can take pictures, do. If you can Twitter, do it more and more as you get less and less qualified to operate heavy machinery. All documentation of the crawl will make our post-crawl wrap-up.

6. Don't start drinking liquor at the first bar and end up acting like a sorority freshman at her first college party. We will not put you in a cab. Perhaps a dumpster, though.

7. When it comes time for the Steve vs. John HBP Batting Challenge at Slugger's, be sure to heckle. The only forbidden topic: my mongrel Irish blood, and Steve's secret Dutch love-child.

8. Have a drink at each bar (ahem ... responsibly) and make it all the way to the end. Alternately, go to hell.


In the spirit of the circus of liver failure that is tomorrow, I've spent the last week pimping it as hard as I could on the Cubs podcasts kind enough to have me. Corey from Ivy Envy, who is attending with his wife, had me on last Friday. Little did he know that I'd been ... GASP! ... drinking! Listen to it here. Those guys put together an amazing show on a regular basis. Julie from A League of Her Own - who chose the wedding of close friends over the bar crawl of people she's only met on the Internet (I know, right? But you have to let people make their own mistakes) - had me on for a quick segment during my lunch today. Give it a listen here. A ChicagoNow podcast is as close as I'm ever going to get to WGN - they still don't allow the Irish, you see. Lousy McCormick.

See you bunch of drunks bright and early tomorrow. Go Cubs Go!

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Cubs 2 - Braves 0: Well, That's More Like It

"Good game, good game. Remember - I'm not Milton Bradley. Good game, good game."

My euphoria over the first win of the season - when contrasted with my recap post yesterday - demonstrates pretty clearly that I'm in midseason form when it comes to overactive emotional responses. The Cubs, it's likely, are neither as bad or as good as I've come to believe. Regardless, while last night might have been fairly boring for an outside observer - I mean really, a 2-0 game with solo shots isn't the stuff of classics - it was thrilling to see the Cubs not throw the fans into a rage. Well, every Cub but John Cotts Grabow, who has already cemented 2010 Most Hated status, because Jeff Samardzija likely won't be around long.

Pre-emptive schoolgirlish glee over Tyler Colvin, after the jump.

Tyler Colvin: Faster than the speed of bat.

The story of last night was Tyler Colvin, who scored the eventual wining run with his first career home run off Tommy Hanson in the second. Marlon Bryd added another in the fourth, just to remind everyone he isn't Milton Bradley. Other than that? Poof. Not much offense. D-Lee managed a hit, as did 3 1/2-Finger Hill, but that was it for Cub offense. Our leadoff man? Still rocking zero hits on the season, because he is leadoff poison and has what baseball pundits term "a stupid face." You may not guess it, but Atlanta outhit us 8-4. Having lost a game just like this to them last year, I'd say to Braves fans enjoy it, you jorts-wearing chaw swallowers.

It's nice to type Carlos Marmol (Filthy) again, if only for one magical night.

Hitting might not have been great last night, but the pitching was mostly enjoyable for a second consecutive night. If Randy Wells keeps pitching like his, we're going to have to append "Fan Favorite" to his name. Jake at EOC rightly points out that Randy is poised to become a right-handed Ted Lilly type. Sean Marhshall? Steady as a rock. Esmailin Caridad? Promising. Marmol? Fillllllllthy. Damn it feels good to say that. You know who sucks? John Grabow. Again. One thing to do, and he can't even do it right. I dub thee Grabby Cotts-Ohman. MY BLOG KINGDOM FOR A LEFTY LATE RELIEVER!

"AVERT THINE EYES FROM FLYING BAT GOD!!!"

Today has Fatty McFatterson starting against Homer Bailey, the time-traveling baseball adventurer from the 1880s. Enjoy!

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Braves 16 - Cubs 5/Braves 3 - Cubs 2: Your Double Recap

A local dignitary known as Every Braves Fan Ever sings the National Anthem.

Hello there. Did you perhaps think we were holding out on a proper recap until our beloved Boys in Blue had won their first? Yeah, we considered that too, but decided it might be best to blog before May. Two games in and people are already "Wait till next year"-ing. But fuck those people. They're just trying to be clever - an affectation of which we've never been accused.

Anyhow, it has indeed been a shitty couple of days. Zambrano did his Zambrano thing, Grabow did his Zambrano thing one day later, and suddenly we're two games back of the Pirates. That can cause a self-esteem shudder in the hardiest of fan. My recommendation? Come to terms with the shitty baseball on display, then drink away your memories one inning at a time - say, at the 2nd Annual Wasting Away in Wrigleyville Pub Crawl.

To the games! Then we'll never speak of them again.

After the jump



Monday

"Why are you asking me? I don't know what the fuck's wrong with 'em."

The Chicago Cubs taught young fans a valuable lesson on opening day this year: Never, ever, ever get happy and excited about an early homer, because that's just the setup for shitty defense to rip your heart out like Mola Ram in the Temple of Doom. Marlon Byrd tried to make good with fans early on, then spent the bottom of the first fielding like his shoes were full of biting centipedes. He left a gaping would in center field creepily reminiscent of a Georgia O'Keefe painting.

That and a succession of bloop hits proved too much for the Ace pitcher with the ego of a ballerina. One home run later and Opening Day was well on its way to fuckery. But holy shit how huge is the guy he gave up the home run to? I'd use his name here, but it's much cooler if you give him a mythical badass name, like Biff Strongbow or Rock Brickbat. Or any of these:

Of course, this was all survivable until someone decided to put Samardzija on the mound in the opener. Hey, is Mike McSamardzija still around the Internet? If he is, then I'd like to point out this opportunity to tell you that I was right, and you were a hair-eating retard. Enjoy fabulous Des Moines, Jeffy cakes.

Wednesday

Like 'Casey at the Bat,' except Casey was good in the first place.

If anyone ever asks you how two kinds of pain can be distinguished, I'd invite you to point them to this two-game set of agony. Two days after getting shit-stomped, and one day after an off-day that must have been sense to Bud Selig when he was pulling a Carradine with a belt and a DVD of Little Big League, we gave up one late in a manner that resembled a Disney movie. Their biggest player rocked one in the bottom of the 8th to steal the game back. Now I know how the villanous Icelanders must feel. This coming after an offseason of everyone saying what a bad idea Grabow was. And yet vindication still feels like ass, because we're two games back of the Pirates (in case you forgot).

Starring Bill Paxton (or Pullman? I can't get them straight) as Chipper Jones.

Perhaps the most pathetic sight was questionable signing Xavier Nady and Biggest Loser Soto each looking at the 3rd strike from ageless pitching-bot Billy Wagner. It's like they went all Charlie Brown when they saw Grabow pitch a shitty 8th and get yanked. Way to be aggressive, guys.

Today is the face-saving game. Let's see what new agonies today holds. I'm still glad baseball is back - I will never learn my lesson.

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WAIW Pub Crawl: Reminder Edition

This Saturday marks the second editions of the Wasting Away in Wrigleyville pub crawl. This year, we will not be fighting with some douch-ass corporate bar crawl (sort of like shooting at a range, not as cool as the real thing) and will have approximately twice as many people. As a result, we were able to negotiate some better drink deals at most of the bars, and we will have to go over the preferred procedures for making everything run as smoothly as possible.

In order to expedite everything, we strongly encourage everyone to pay with cash versus opening tabs at bars. Additionally, when there is no special deal to be had with drafts, please try to order bottles to be served as fast as possible. Like last year, we will be sending a first wave of people over to the next bar in between 1 and 2 outs in the bottom of every inning, for those badasses that have finished their drinks faster than the weakasses. PLEASE have your IDs ready at each bar so everyone can get in as soon as possible. As there is only approximately 20 – 25 minutes at each bar, it is important we don’t get delayed in the minutia of such details as legality.

As for the specials, we have arranged for the following:

Merkle’s (2^nd Inning) - $4 pints of Miller, Bud or Coors; $4 Jameson shots

Mullen’s (3^rd Inning) - $3 pints of Miller or Coors

Harry Caray’s (5^th Inning) - $5 Bacardi Cocktails, $3.50 Blue Moon Drafts, $3 Coors Light Bottles

Captain Morgan Club (6^th Inning) - ½ price appetizers, $5 pitchers of Bud and Bud Light, $5 20oz. Jeremiah Weed or Smirnoff Lemonades, $5 20oz. Captain Cubbies.

Murphy’s Bleachers (9^th Inning) - $10 pitchers of Bud Light

Regarding the other bars…the probably didn’t respond so we will shock the hell out of them by showing up for 25 minutes, rocking the shit out of their faces, then leaving. I just hope the Dugout is open this year, but if not…well hell, that’s what makes for an adventure.

Look forward to seeing you all on Saturday. Remember, if you ordered a shirt and haven’t picked it up yet, it will be available for you on Saturday. If you didn’t buy a shirt, there is a VERY limited amount of extra shirts available for purchase at $12 each.

Additionally, we will be live blogging again, so if you can't make it in person, please follow along on the blog.

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Baseball is Back. McRib Remains AWOL ...

... but one out of two isn't bad, right? After an offseason of semi-regular posts, we here at WAIW are ramping up to return to full-time baseball blogging. Sure, last year was a massive disappointment, but there's something freeing about the falling away of World Series expectations. Instead of constant anxiety over the lost 2008 playoffs and the closing window of expectation, we're just hoping to cross a few items off of this humble laundry list:


- Soriano hitting ... well, anything, really in April and May
- Marlon Byrd not accusing us of racism
- Wild Card contention in August
- Fukudome hitting over .280 past June
- Kevin Gregg, Aaron Heilman, and Aaron Miles never again showing up in blue pinstripes
- Marmol either getting under control or committing manslaughter with a fastball juuuust outside the zone

Our wait is over. This, as always, is The Year. And I, for one, cannot wait.

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