Looking Ahead By Looking Back: Revisiting 2009 Positions

I mean, I'm not this bad, but I'm pretty bad.

I have never in the past denied being an idiot. This designation is usually self-applied when I'm reflecting back on something I earlier predicted with surety. I've worked it into a regular feature for my and Steve's moonlighting over at EOC. We started this blog in April 2008, so there wasn't much time to predict. Well, none, to be accurate - I believe we discussed starting the blog sometime around Opening Day at Wrigley. But I did run a series of previews for the 2009 season.

So how did that turn out? Find out after the jump.



Your answer is both entertaining and, on the mean, anticlimactic. There are some great ones, and, as you surely hope, some horrible stinkers.

Not Bad, Eh?

That popping sound? Oh, just our season.

Aramis Ramirez - "Where would we be without A-Ram's bat? Probably where we were during the 2007 and 2008 NLDS."

- Oooh, I wish that one hadn't come true. But I was so damn correct.

A common sight in Chicago became a common sight in Baltimore last year.

Felix Pie - "5 tool prospect ... blah blah blah ... speed ... blah blah blah ... potential ... blah blah blah. Enjoy AAA, Felix."

- He's now in Baltimore, so I was completely correct.

Bench OF Situation - "Is anyone expecting anything big from Sam Fuld (Jewish!), Joey Gathright (Royals!), or Brad Snyder (Zero big league games!)? At least we don't have to include Erick Patterson this year. A moment of silence for Matt Murton, please."

- I can't even remember ever writing the name Brad Snyder. Take that, guy who I may have made up. The Fuld thing sounds sort of anti-Semitic in hindsight. I should probably correct that - they control everything, you know! What's that at the door?!? Oh no, it's already too lajklahsgasghhsjghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Zambrano - "Can't wait for another year of "how is Carlos's head going to be?" stories. More fun than a sleeping bag full of centipedes!"

- And it was. Gordon Wittenmyer read that prediction and started having menstrual cramps in anticipation.

Rich Hill - "Rich Hill - HAHAHAHHAHAHA. Just kidding, guys."

- Again, Baltimore.

Jeff Samardzija - "If you ask any Chicagoland Irish fan, they'll predict a sub-2 ERA and a shutdown setup role. The rest of us are skeptical, as he's actually far crappier than the people with obnoxious class rings let on."

- PROPHECY!

"Touch it ... if you DARE!"

Koyie Hill - "Sure, he hits like crap's somewhat less disciplined cousin, but the man ran his hand into a bansaw and went right back to baseball. And that is not a metaphor - the motherfucker ran his hand into a motherfucking bansaw, and the doctors stitched it back together with the aim of his being able to throw a baseball. We'll drink to that."

- Not really a prediction, but I still love the Koyie Hill bansaw story. I guess we did drink to that many, many times - so score another for WAIW.

In Which I Demonstrate a Lack of Psychic Ability

I've run out of Soto fat jokes. Good thing we traded for Silva.

Geovany Soto - "We here at WAIW are sometimes caught up in our own sarcasm and fatalism, but Soto is one of the few home-grown Cubs to leave us with nothing but unrestrained optimism."

- Yeah, his 2009 season kicked my pregnant optimism down the stairs. Thanks, Geo.

Derrek Lee/Micah Hoffpauir - "Sure, he's named like a craftsman from Pennsylvania Amish country, but the bastard hit 5 home runs in a minor league game last year. He also managed a .342 average and a .536 slugging percentage during his 33 games with the big league squad last year. Those would be semi-erotic numbers for a young call-up, but Micah is 29 this year. We still hope he gets a chance to show what he can do this year. It can't be worse than 6-4-3 Lee"

- I don't know what was up by butt that day. I love Derrek Lee, and always have. I blame hormones. Women's hormones. I'd been injecting them into my spine in a horrifically misguided attempt at eternal youth. One year later I still can't stop laughing at Delta Burke in "Designing Women."

Not charming when the pitcher's beating you in all statistical hitting categories.

Mike Fontenot - "What does this poor bleach-blonde bastard have to do to get a fair shot with the Cubs? In 99 games last year, he hit .305, smacked 9 home runs, and drove in 40 runs. And this was mainly in a backup role to our dear departed McDreamy."

- Well, he got his shot last year, all right. It was Fonte-not good Be careful what you wish for. By the way, I'd like to emphasize that the McDreamy comment was itself a takeoff on the rending of flesh over the DeRo departure. Or latent man-on-man sexual attraction. Take your pick.

At least you got your year ... what's that, it was a repeat of 2004? Well, fuck.

Angel Guzman - "He was an exciting prospect around the time I was learning to drink whiskey in the dorms. Will this finally be his year? No, it wont. But I had to ask."

- That looked like a much safer pick in April 2009. I could predict the same now, but I feel awful for Angel. He earned my respect, even with the occasional use of dork glasses.

Pennant Chances - "World Series. This is the year! Do we ever expect anything less? No, we do not."

- One day I'll get this pick right. This year, if I'm not mistaken.

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WAIW Helps You Drink Beer (Part 3)

The end of winter is a wonderful thing - baseball is back, warmth returns to the air, and a young man's fancy turns to thoughts of ice cold beer. In our quest to help you young men and ladies fully realize that last item, WAIW has produced a run of koozies for the third year in a row.

These are high-quality foldable neoprene koozies, because foam is for suckas. Your beer will remain cold and your hand will stay at regular temperature. Science makes it so! Support your favorite team, your favorite beer, and your favorite blog - all for $5, and shipping is on us.

Ordering information will be up whenever I can get Steve to set up the PayPal.

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A Useful Barometer

CSI: Lincoln Square. YEAHHHHHHHHH!

I've blogged about my faithful Cubs hat before. It probably amused some, although all I ever get from Steve is the same shake of the head that I got when I told my grandpa that I'd be majoring in English lit. Anyway, I promise that this hat-related entry isn't some Livejournal-ish reflection on how a smelly hat equals a security blanket. Rather, I've been able to re-purpose the beloved item into a veritable Douche Barometer. Behold!

Tests quickly and accurately for Soul Herpes

Okay, if you look carefully, you're going to see a tiny rip, around the middle of the bill. I point this out, because it's a treasure trove of fact. Bear with me. You see, I purchased this hat in March of 2007, in anticipation of the new Cubs season. "Holy shit, we signed Alfonso Soriano," I thought. "We made a splash in the free agent market, and that contract will never, ever come back to bite us in the ass." (Note: I did not ever think this, and I don't want you believing so. Even in jest.) So I purchased my cap at Wrigleyville Sports or Sports World, or one of the hundred hat stores along the Addison and Clark epicenter. I don't quite recall, because I was drinking at the time. This is also a suitable defense in court. Anyhow, we are left to draw these conclusions.

Detail: Yes, I was eating crackers near the computer. I am a filthy beast, unfit for the comforts of this world.

- 3 years of normal wear = tiny tear on hat
- 3 years of normal wear also = ridiculously faded and dirty hat

So, the next time a douchey acquaintance, when you call him out on his lame-ass pre-ripped hat, stutters something like "no, brah, it just kinda got this way. I swear!" you will know he is lying. If you're going the Alyssa Milano pre-worn sports memorabilia route, then at least own that shit. Lying about it isn't going to make you any better a sports fan. And thou shalt be smoten.

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Cubs WOO Media WOO Monday WOO

I have conflicting feelings toward Ronnie Woo Woo. On one hand, he's been able to take a team we all love and use it as an anchor to an often unstable and tragic life. I've met the guy, and he's really nice, as well. His autograph is one of many scrawled on my hat that have worn away through a combination time and sweaty head. Yet the memories remain. On the other hand, I wouldn't really like to sit next to him when he's doing his Old Leather Lungs routine. Even the jerkoffs who yell "Freebird" at concerts eventually stop. Which isn't to say that I mean Mr. Woo Woo is said pejorative. As I've said, he's a rather nice chap, but the potential annoyance level is quite high. And considering ticket prices, that's not an idle complaint. Then again, as a Cubs fan, I'm clearly accustomed to love/hate relationships.

You know what I don't hate? Cheesy local commercials. Especially this one, which distills the Woo Woo phenomenon rather nicely. Enjoy yourselves, especially you transplanted ex-Illinoisans:

More analysis, easy on the Woo-ing, after the jump



If you've never heard Mr. Woo Woo in action, you may be surprised to see that the word/woo/word/woo shtick isn't as loud or booming as people seem to expect. It's kind of hoarse, a bit raspy. You'd be raspy too if you were known professionally for screaming well past the point of human tolerance. Beginning to see how a pair of bloggers might like an unofficial mascot in theory, but adopt a "not in my section" attitude in practice? The team's had this problem for a bit as well. Relations have varied from welcoming to frosty.

In the end, I'd rather have a guy with a yell that sounds like the most painful hiccups ever than be one of the league's many bland-ass teams. Quick, what is Seattle known for? Florida? How about Texas? Nothing. We'll take Ronnie after all. He doesn't creep me out nearly as much as a bear suit.

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Did Someone Say "Official Pub Crawl Shirts"?

Shit yes, ladies and gents. After working crazy hours in the WAIW Mad Science/Design Lab (meaning: contracting it out to a generous friend with design skill), we've got an official shirt design to show you. And this is it:


Your awesome blue shirt (spill whatever you like on it!) will also serve as a starting lineup for the fine taverns of our humble pub crawl. Sorry, Wolfie and other assorted drunks, we didn't print it upside down this time. Maybe next time.

Like all good things, this shirt comes with a price. But rest assured it's far less than the $138 that you would undoubtedly pay for such a garment. A mere $10 for you to secure your own piece of history through our handy PayPal account. If you wait until the day of, it's going to cost you $12, because your insolence has angered the gods.

It's haberdashery worthy of a Sandberg. Or at least a Kingman.

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WAIW Audio Commentary: Rookie of the Year (Update: Fixed. It Works. Listen. Now.)

For some reason, we were excluded from the original motion picture soundtrack

The off-season is full of several lulls that make it difficult to come up with topics to post about. Sort of like Rivers Cuomo after Pinkerton, we needed to create our own topics that we hope the kids will dig. And based on the response from our previous Rookie of the Year posts, we felt this was a natural progression. So we are proud to offer you the product of a case of Old Style, a boring Sunday afternoon, and even the first trip by a non-pedophile to RadioShack in the past 15 years. We give you the WAIW audio commentary for our favorite Cubs movie and yours, Rookie of the Year. So if you got 100 minutes to kill, and the beer isn't drinking itself, we invite you to take a look at the film through our eyes. We talk about stacked 12 year-olds, compensating for the male form and so much more. We know there is nothing else going on, so might as well make a night out of it. And for those of you that succeed, there are some keywords in the commentary that can we you some free shit (and a shout-out to WAIW-favorite Wolfie). Enjoy!

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St. Louis Wants To Save Face, Paint

"Heeheehee they'll all be none the wiser"

In a time of plunging economies, high unemployment and rising crime, the Missouri Senate took the time to correct a wrong that was plaguing their citizens: voting to rename Mark McGwire Highway after Mark Twain instead. Let's be honest here: the only reason Twain got the vote was so they wouldn't have to fully repaint all those road signs. Looking above, I think it's just right for the citizens of St. Louis.

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