Happy Ticket Day!

Hey! That looks ... fun? Don't these people have computers?

Today, regardless of the pall cast by previous team decisions, was the real Cubs Ticket Day. This has long been a cherished holiday with WAIW. There's nothing like the nervousness of wondering if you're going to be able to get tickets for the game you absolutely have to go to. It's like some kind of strange delayed gratification Christmas. And when we're talking delayed gratification, Cubs fans are the best.

Brief Presale Rant - Feel Free to Skip

I cannot get over the fact that before the joy of ticket day, the team decided that the bullshit presale (20 percent markup, 15 percent with MasterCard) was a good idea. The team scaled their own fucking tickets. For that, I wish upon them years like the early '90s, when I was a kid and Cubs tickets were easier to obtain than schoolgirl panties in Japan. Fuck that "screw the fans" attitude, and fuck every single Wheaton-ite who threw down the AmEx Platinum to participate in this fisting of the fanbase.



Listen, Ricketts, I don't know how they do things in Duckburg, but around here, we don't appreciate you scalping your own damn tickets.

Another Cubs Blog called it a success. Another Cubs Blog is clearly for facists who listen to the folk music stylings of Steven Segal. I hope they've got a statistical projection about how hard they should be kicked in the balls for endorsing the idea.

End Rant




This ticket day was different than others. As it happens, I'm getting married in August. This means that I am officially ass-poor when it comes to throwing money around at things not related to catering, flowers, haberdashery, etc. So it's one game, and one game only. Sure, I'll be catching a couple games of a weekend series against the Pirates in May, taking in a rooftop game (for cancer - Save the TaTas!) against the Cards early on, and having a group outing the week of my wedding. But Ticket Day today would allow only one purchase. So many choices - but really, only one I even considered. Opening Day.



Jeff MacNelly's "Shoe" comic strip - blatantly lifted from Shoecomics.com. If we say it, then it isn't sleazy of us to use it, right? Please don't sue, Jeff. We are also Cubs fans. And poor.

Prior to the 2007 season, I decided that I'd be making Opening Day a tradition. I'd take my brother, down a pitcher by myself (he's underage, see) at Salt & Pepper with a breakfast burrito, and enjoy the taint-chillingest day of baseball the North Side has to offer. I've made all 3 years since - the Cubs lost those first two before Robot Ted Lilly won it last year by his inability to feel cold ... or human emotions. Each time, I've been convinced at some point or another that the game was definitely going to be called off. In 2007, it snowed. 2008 brought pouring rain, a loss to the Brewers, and an abiding love for Kosuke Fukudome that remains to this day, despite a .255 batting average. Last year was the most miserable yet, but the Cubs won, which tempered everything nicely. This year I predict some sort of freakish Snow Tornado. But was I able to get tickets? Well, I had a strategy ....



Strategy! It's important to have something else to do while this is going on - like transcribing something - so you don't go insane staring at the word "virtual" for minutes at a time. Words will cease to make sense, and you'll start writing horrible beatnik poetry.

Even with that, I just barely got the last pair I could. One day they're going to change the ticketing system, and I am going to be shit out of luck. But for now, it looks like the brother and I are going to Opening Day once again.

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Actual Journalism: WAIW Interviews Ryan Flaherty

Between our lamentations, cursing, and relentless scouring of YouTube for old Cubs commercials, it's fair to say that Steve and I don't necessarily practice hard journalism. Of course, the income we make from koozies is dwarfed by ... well, you know, our actual jobs. And it's difficult for an accountant and a writer to break news while we're working for The Man. So we try to keep things fun. Which, if you only read some blogs, would seem like a novel idea.



Pictured: the new WAIW special correspondent. Damn straight. Man's got good taste in stickers.

But you know who did have the time and energy to do some actual, factual, journalism-ing? Newly-minted WAIW Special Correspondent Conrad Bradburn. You see, Conrad, aside from having an awesome name for an industrial magnate or James Bond supervillain, also works in the Vanderbilt University media relations department. You know who went to Vanderbilt? Well, yes, Jay Cutler, but we're trying to keep this positive. The actual answer is Cubs infield prospect Ryan Flaherty. That's what we in the business call an "in."




Flaherty - nickname Flash - was the 41st overall pick in the 2008 draft. He was a 2nd team All-American in 2007, his last year at Vanderbilt. In 2009, he led all Cubs minor leaguers in home runs. He's currently ranked the #9 prospect in a Cubs system that ended last year a lot stronger than most observers expected at the season's beginning. We could very well be paying to see this man someday soon. If the Cards are in town on a sunny Saturday, we may very well end up paying an assload for 500-level seats. And it will still be worth it. But I blather on. Winter has made me crazy. Without further ado, and with great thanks and an official title to Conrad, we present Flaherty's interview. Conrad is shooting, and one of his colleagues in the department is conducting the actual interview. It turned out well. We hope you enjoy.

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Blind Optimism

Kevin Tapani - one year of success yields years of optimism

Today I had a conversation about how I feel the Cubs are going to outperform the mediocre-at-best expectations set for them this year. I understand the argument - no key additions to a team that was at-best-mediocre last year. But I take another side. Let's not forget, the Cubs team last year had lofty expectations to be the best in the NL and compete for a Series. This year, similar team, no expectations. Taking away expectations from the Cubs is like taking away the cases of beer at your softball game - all the sudden you actually have a chance at winning (though the former yields more fun than the latter). I went on to say that I think Z has a chance at winning 20 games this year...but I went on to say that I had the same thoughts about Kevin Tapani in 1999, 2000 and 2001:

More you-know-where-this-is-headed after the jump.

The last time I allowed past performance dictate future expectations

This led me to think: what makes me think previous successes translate into future achievement? And the only thing I could come up with was that this is what being a Cubs fan is.

Maybe it was the Sandberg game:

Or A-Ram beating the Sox in extras:

Or maybe it was Kerry Wood striking out 20:

Whatever it is for you, there is always that one memory that you have that makes you always have faith in your player. Is it rational? No. But I would take blind optimism to jaded pessimism any day.

So yes, I think the Cubs are going to really surprise people this year. Just like I have for the past 25 years.

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Al Yellon Gets Uncomfortably Deep Into the 2010 Cubs

Honestly, Steve and I don't have the full-on hategasmic ill will toward Al Yellon and Bleed Cubbie Blue that some of our blog brethren do ("If you want Al Yellon talking to you for an hour, then go stick a 3 inch construction nail in your ear. It would be like that." Ha!). But this is pretty funny, so we'll go with it.

Al edits the Maple Street Cubs Annual every year, which is an excuse to drop $10 bucks on a magazine that makes Cubs Official Program coverage look like Edward R Murrow. I have no idea what he has to do with the design portion of the mag, but he probably should have caught this:



Cubs 2010 Anal, on sale now: For that team that hurts so good!

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Pub Crawl? Oh, You'd Best Believe Pub Crawl.

WAIW freelance designer extraordinaire Lori did her best - her work has clearly slipped since last year. I think she's on the heroin.

Ladies and gentlemen of the esteemed WAIW readership community: It's about to be on for a second time. After careful deliberation, Steve and I have agreed upon Saturday, April 10, 2010, as the date of the 2nd Annual (we can call it that now) Wasting Away in Wrigleyville Pub Crawl. It's a noon game against the Reds, so light drinkers, tea-totaling pansies, and the elderly need not apply.

"Who likes fuuuuun!?! And having the shakes on a Sunday morning?"

The plan remains the same as ever - after a pregame base-laying (gotta lay that base), we will hit 9 bars in 9 innings, making the event a sublime combination of speed and stamina. If you're asking if it's really possible to get a few dozen progressively drunker Cubs fans from one bar to the next in time to snag a beer, drink a beer, and catch some ball, then yes, it is indeed possible. Even better, the liveblogging gets progressively more entertaining with each passing inning.

Your humble authors - early on, judging by the reasonable level of focus in the eyes. And that's not a man purse full of koozies - it's a satchel full of skulls.

We will, as ever, have shirts and koozies available for purchase by those good gentlemen and gentlewomen who make the trip. We will also continue the tradition of my parents drinking 25 year olds under the table after being the first ones to show up. It's a celebration, dammit.

But what of your favorite venues? We'll have that part up for a bit of discussion. Let's review the veterans, and I'll give my thoughts on their chances, after the jump.



The Venues

Pre-game: Lucky's Sandwich Co. - I see no reason to change the meeting point. Their sandwiches are delicious, filling, and the bar is spacious (or should be if the Man v. Food crowd has finally dropped dragging their damn toddlers there).

We're diverse at the WAIW crawl, and accept all ethnicities. Goofy white dude, for instance.

1st Inning: The Dark Horse - The first candidate for change. Last year, they didn't really get what we were doing. The Pittsburgh Penguins were on all the televisions, and they spent most of the first inning setting up an outdoor projector. Then it rained and we left. Screw that.

2nd Inning: Merkle's - I have little memory of this stop, and not in a drunken way. I'm not tied to the place, but it does give everyone a chance to explain "Merkle's Boner," through girlish giggles.

3rd Inning: Mullen's - A WAIW classic. We will brook no disagreement with the mandatory nature of The Mull.

4th Inning: Slugger's - Steve's Pub Crawl career numbers: 0-0, HBP. Yep, the man got hit by a pitch, in the groin, on the slow pitch softball setting. The possibility of hilarious groin injury means we're definitely recreating the scene. Come one, come all, see WAIW drunkenly take a pitch in the nards!

5th Inning: Harry Caray's - Better than I expected last year, but I could take it or leave it. Plenty of room for pub crawlers, but it's more of a day-tripper destination.

6th Inning: The Dugout - They weren't even open last year until we asked politely (and told them they could make a few hundred bones for 25 minutes of work). Their excellent management - and their divey basement dive bar - will be back for a second year.

7th Inning: Murphy's Bleachers - Steve met Rick Sutcliffe there, who informed him that Mark Grace used to slump-bust above the premises. We. Are. Going. Back.

8th Inning: Casey Morans - I could take it or leave it, but it was right next door to, in my opinion, the high point of last year....

(drum roll)

9th Inning: Bernie's - Fuck yeah, Bernies! The place where we not only got a second wind after nine innings of losing to the Cards, but stayed for an additional 7 hours to play shuffleboard (I DEMAND A REMATCH, WOLFIE!) and watch the Hawks down the Flames in last year's playoffs. I'm thinking we've got to do Bernie's.

Where champions are ... shuffling about, going to the bathroom every six minutes

That covers last year's roster. Stay tuned for possible new venues and our trenchant thoughts on the ins and outs of each tavern. We, uh, drink a lot... and we hope you will too. Sound fun? Drop us an email and get the regular e-mail updates.

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Cubs Media Monday: The Reason For the 2008 NLDS

Take a second a slip back into the warm hot tub of victory that was the 2008 season - the regular season, anyway. Dempster was having a career year, a pre-Hostess Fruit Pie (TM) Getovany Soto was ripping opposing pitchers, and Carlos Marmol was still Carlos Marmol (filthy). Suddenly, it all grinds to a halt. Six-toothed morons from the South Side and meth-scarred hillbillies from Mizzou rejoiced. What cataclysm changed our fortunes so quickly, and in such a merciless fashion? Actually, I just found out what. Take a gander, kids:

Ho. Lee. Shit. That was bad.

Full Analysis After the Jump



0:10 - Oooooh, this is going to be bad. The only question - so bad it's good, or so bad it makes you want to throw a baby down a well?

0:30 - "It's been 99 years but we're finally back." So apparently no one at B96 believes in a jinx. This affirms my belief that B96 employees and listeners are all suburbanites who pretend they're from the city.

0:36 - "The stands are packed," interspersed with pictures of mostly empty stands before a game. You know, because you couldn't really find a picture of packed stands in 2008.

0:42 - Another clue that B96 is aimed at Winnetkans and Northbrookians. No one from here calls it Chi-Town. That's what you call it when you're coming here on an 8th grade class trip.

0:46 - Rhyming "boys" with "make some noise." Sounds like someone owes a royalty check to Vanilla Ice.

0:58 - Well-played. Finally.

1:03 - If you have to ask "ain't it funky now?" then it emphatically is not.

1:15 - Oh sweet Moses - they're rhyming "D.Lee" with "Big Z." If they do "Koyie Hill" and "Mad skill," I'm burning down the studio.

1:25 - Ah, for the days when people defended Soriano in the leadoff spot.

1:26 - Ummm.... I hate to tell you, but that's not Aramis.

1:48 - "It's just like '84, '88, '98, '03, '07." Yes, that did end up being the problem, you fucktards.

1:54 - Aw, Bartman.

2:02 - Whoaaaa ... Jacque Jones? I was not expecting that. IT'S THE SHYAMALAN TWIST!!!

2:16 - Next person to say "It's gonna happen" gets dick-punched. I mean it.

2:21 - That ... that seems like bad luck. Really, really bad luck.

2:46 - Oh, you are so getting haunted by Harry Caray.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason the 2008 Cubs derailed. Can you blame them? One listen to that, and I subconsciously started inching slightly westward - away from Wrigley field and the house music horrors that would align themselves with such a team. B96, I implore you - stick to extremely topical popular music that only reveals it's true awfulness in retrospect. Like this, your top hit of 1994, which also happens to be a German techno song:

FUCKYEAHDANCEPARTY! Wait, what were we talking about again? Oh, fuck B96. I'M A WHITE RAGGAMAN, BABY ONE OF A KIND NOW!

So ... do you wish the season would start yet?

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