Sifting Through the Pile of Suck: 2010 Season Recap (Part 1)

Apologies for the absence, but the Cubs briefly broke my brain. I had endeavored to attend one last game during the 2010 season, because I love Wrigley Field and I love my team. That game turned out to be this particular gem. So I needed a break for awhile. Thankfully, an unexpectedly, the Bears have eased my suffering somewhat. So I'm ready to love again. But one can't go forward without coming to terms with the past. That'd be unhealthy. So we're going to take a player-by-player look at just where it all went wrong this year, starting with the starting pitching. Let's get healthy.

Ryan Dempster

Classic "ace of a bad team" year. Lots of decisions (15-12), solid ERA (3.85), and over 200 innings for the third year in a row. But holy shit, I'm not forgiving him for that Giants game. Hopefully he can keep producing for the remaining two years of his contract before he turns 35 and must flee for his life a-la Logan's Run.

Grade: B+

Carlos Zambrano



You know it's a bad year when Carlos Zambrano isn't even on the top 5 list of things that piss you off about the Cubs. Another godawful start to the season (54.00 ERA, anyone?) and midsummer freakout (no starts from June 25 to August 9). Fuck. Then he goes all retard strength and wins eight in a row to end the season, including a tense one against the hated Cardinals and a 1-0 gem against San Diego that stuck a knife in their season. When he does this again next year, let's all pretend we're surprised.

Grade: C-

Ted Lilly

An excellent example of why wins are such a shitty statistic. Went 3-8 with the Cubs despite being consistently good. Steve and I took a day off to catch his last, bittersweet start at Wrigley, which was of course a loss. Just watching Blake DeWitt ineffectually flail at the ball makes me miss Theodore Roosevelt Lilly. Godspeed, sir.

Grade: B

Everyone from Silva to whoever Casey Coleman is, after the jump



Carlos Silva



Hostess Fruit Pie hidden in a towel. Oldest trick in the book.

Went to shit around the time the Cubs did, turning an 8-0 beginning to the year into a 10-6 final result. Two starts past July, both losses, with more than a month between them. At least he's not Milton Bradley.

Grade: B- (graded on the curve for extremely low expectations)

Randy Wells



This is actually Steve Trachsel. You didn't catch that, did you?

He should officially change his name to add ": #5 starter" at the end, because that's all he'll ever be. And that's not really a bad thing. Sure, the high hopes we had during early 2009 were enjoyable, but pretty unrealistic. He gave up 5 or more runs in a start nine times. No one wants to be Steve Trachsel 2.0, but it'll be nice to have one while we rebuild and wait for these ridiculous contracts to expire.

Grade: C+

Tom Gorezelanny



Soth love Chunk. Chunk indifferent to marginally decent occasional starter. Probably would have finished with a sub-3 ERA, if not for hilarious 7H, 7ER three-inning performance against St Louis near the end. Hope you like guys like him, because it's all we can afford for awhile.

Grade: C+

Thomas Diamond

His middle name is Nicklaus. Laaaaaaame. He's a young guy with marginal talent pressed into service by our new, cheap ownership. Not terrible, but certainly overmatched. Finished the year with an ERA above 7. Remember those last three sentences, because you're going to apply them to most of the bullpen and all the spot-starters.

Grade: D (for Dustin, which I wish his name was)

Casey Coleman

Not terrible. Won his last three games last year with pretty decent performances and a modicum of offensive support. I really have no opinion on him yet. I was drinking very heavily during games by the time be became a regular starter.

Grade: 86 Proof

Jeff Samardzija



Pitched himself out of the big leagues in April (18.90 ERA in 4 games), despite reader Douchebag Mike claiming him the second coming of Christ. Called back up when things were so dire, even he couldn't screw it up. Notice no one calls him "Shark" anymore, because nicknames are for good players.
Beat St. Louis, which left me conflicted. Then lost to them two weeks later, which felt a lot more familiar. If I have to watch him pitch regularly in 2011, I'm going to eat a shotgun.

Grade: AAA (keep him there - please)