Weekend Recap: Kicked in the Asstro (Again)

Monday, June 7, 2010

Weekend Recap: Kicked in the Asstro (Again)

. Monday, June 7, 2010

I don't think this is ending up on the 2011 calendar.

Another weekend, another 1-2 record. I'd say it's getting tiresome, but most people have stopped watching awhile ago. When we've got the offense, there's no pitching. When we've got the pitching, we're going up to the plate with Nerf bats held upside down. Also, we seemed to have pissed off some sort of vengeful gypsy between last year and this one. Let us examine the positive(s?) and negatives(!!!) of this weekend.

"Go Cubs Go"

Whereas the baseball didn't go too well over the weekend, the Duck-Duck-Goose was a roaring success.

1. Byrd remains the Wyrd, hitting .313. He may be the only pleasant surprise on a team full of the opposite.

2. Ramirez rocked a homer and went 3-4 in our only win of the series. It'd be nice if my favorite player could get north of .200 one of these days.

3. Zambrano's return wasn't the kersplosion it could have been. So that's something.

4. Andrew Cashner got some good work in over the weekend, and has yet to give up a run with 3 innings pitched. Jinx: Set.

5. Teams haven't seemed to have figured out that Tyler Colvin will never, ever take a walk. He's still rocking the respectable batting average and getting plenty of good pitches to hit.

I Couldn't Think of the Opposite Song, So We'll Go "Tears of a Clown"

"Do you know where I parked? Fish sticks are delicious!"

1. I had thought that Sweet Lou was just going a couple days without shaving. Perhaps rocking a reverse playoff beard, what with our non-playoffs trajectory. Now I seriously think that he may actually be a hobo.

2. That Ramirez homer that I mentioned? Raised his average to a whopping .171. It then fell the next day, after an 0-3 performance, back down to .169. And the fans looked on in apathy.

3. Randy Wells has lost 4 decisions in a row. I'm beginning to suspect that he indeed is beginning to suck.

"Awwww, but I don' WANNA play baseball!"

4. Just one hit over the weekend for the Savior of the Franchise (TM), Starlin Castro.

5. All those positive developing players I mentioned above? None of them are the ones making tens of millions. No, those guys are happy to wallow, thanksverymuch.