Weekend Recap: The Ballad of Shit and Fan

Monday, June 28, 2010

Weekend Recap: The Ballad of Shit and Fan

. Monday, June 28, 2010

I can live to be 100, and this image will never switch to sepia-toned. Nor will there be a tasteful Ken Burns voiceover. Unless Burns' next project is "Baseball: Sport of Dicks."

And so, as we probably could have predicted - had a thick, stucco-like wall of apathy not prevented us - your Chicago White Sox are the inaugural winners of the Ruined Ecosystem Tarball Trophy and Country Bear Jamboree. But that's not really the story, is it? Even in your half-sleeping malaise, you are well aware of yet another Zambrano meltdown. This, to the minds of many, your humble editor included, was the worst one yet. Beloved veteran Derrek Lee and his lazy fielding versus Volcanic Venezuelan used-to-be-good Carlos Zambrano and his meatball pitch on the 0-2 count. When Zambrano gets mad at himself, he gets mad at others. Friday was the perfect demonstration of that. And if half the fan base hasn't yet uttered the phrase "fuck this team," then they were damn close to it on Friday.

Damn you for pitching that ball, Derrek Lee!

The team also dropped a 3-2 decision on Saturday before trying their hardest (well, Marmol's hardest) to lose a 5-run lead with two outs in the bottom of the ninth. Even with that meaningless win, the Cubs managed to go 2-4 against their crosstown rivals - and it was much more decisive a Sox win than it appears. You know how unlikable this team is right now? I currently have no animosity toward them for slapping us around during both series. All they did was build on some starting pitching, get offense, and generally not act like a bunch of spoiled, petulant assholes. I hate the Sox - and yet they disgust me only more than the Cubs at the moment.

No longer an All Star pitcher, Zambrano is still an All Star Sweaty Fat Guy.

Once we got Bob Fucking Howry back in the bullpen, there was only one way to make me dislike this year's squad any more than I do. So Jim Hendry, if you're listening, why not just pick up the phone, call LaTroy Hawkins, and set my boat of Cubs fandom on FUCKING FIRE!


J.J. said...

"fuck this team" They don't give a damn, why should I?

John said...

Indeed. Throw your support, rather, behind your friendly neighborhood Cubs blog. We're suffering just as much as you. Moreso - we have to WRITE about this crap!