As sad, or sadder than when he drops his ice cream cone on the sidewalk outside the Dairy Queen?
Our animosity toward the Johnnny-Come-Latelies to our immediate north is well-documented. Yet the odometer of my glee nearly clicked over to pity midway through Sunday's game. This, dear friends, was an unmitigated shit beating of a newly-hated rival. It wasn't quite 4-game sweep in 2008 good, but it was still pretty damn good.
More like Woo-HooDome, amIright? My mom says I'm cool ...
My favorite part of any solid Cubs win? When it contains a Fukudome home run - I'm a child like that. He's one of my favorite players, owing to a 3-run homer on Opening Day 2008, and will continue to be in September, when he's hitting .178 with an improbable .404 OBP. Between the offense ruining (or highlighting the ruination of, rather) Jeff Suppan and Demspter mowing through what can at times be a pain in the ass lineup coming off a 20-run bushwhacking, all was good in Cubdom.
You know it's a good series when 5-1 looks like a close game in comparison to the other two. You also know it's going to be sweet when the man, the myth, the Lilly emerges from his thousand year slumber to put the boots to Milwaukee (especially Prince Fielder) by mowing through 6 innings on only 78 pitches. Welcome back, Ted-Bot. Time to ruin some mofos.
"Yeah, six orders of nachos over here. I said SIX! SIX! Just bring the warming box down here."
This would be right around the time I noticed that Ryan Theriot was ravaging Brewer pitching. I'm not predisposed to like Theriot very much, so it took me a little longer to realize he was making Milwaukee children cry tears that smelled of kielbasa and nacho cheese. He wasn't the only one, either - Fuku and Colvin tore it up as well.
On a related note, next person to say "triple away from the cycle" gets dickpunched. That's the hardest part, you tards. Len and Bob, I love you, but you were acting rather tardly. I guess a 12-2 game doesn't leave much on-field action to talk about, but still ... how about we wait until someone's a double or single away before we start getting all lathered up about a meaningless accomplishment in a blowout? But on a happier note, either Craig Counsell is in a slump or he spent the weekend regretting the purchase of one of Ryan Braun's abominable shirts.
"She said I looked like a bag of douche with a face on it - I'm never going to Olive Garden again! Oooh, but I really love their breadsticks ... sigh."