I mean, I'm not this bad, but I'm pretty bad.
I have never in the past denied being an idiot. This designation is usually self-applied when I'm reflecting back on something I earlier predicted with surety. I've worked it into a regular feature for my and Steve's moonlighting over at EOC. We started this blog in April 2008, so there wasn't much time to predict. Well, none, to be accurate - I believe we discussed starting the blog sometime around Opening Day at Wrigley. But I did run a series of previews for the 2009 season.
So how did that turn out? Find out after the jump.
Your answer is both entertaining and, on the mean, anticlimactic. There are some great ones, and, as you surely hope, some horrible stinkers.
Not Bad, Eh?
That popping sound? Oh, just our season.
Aramis Ramirez - "Where would we be without A-Ram's bat? Probably where we were during the 2007 and 2008 NLDS."
- Oooh, I wish that one hadn't come true. But I was so damn correct.
A common sight in Chicago became a common sight in Baltimore last year.
Felix Pie - "5 tool prospect ... blah blah blah ... speed ... blah blah blah ... potential ... blah blah blah. Enjoy AAA, Felix."
- He's now in Baltimore, so I was completely correct.
Bench OF Situation - "Is anyone expecting anything big from Sam Fuld (Jewish!), Joey Gathright (Royals!), or Brad Snyder (Zero big league games!)? At least we don't have to include Erick Patterson this year. A moment of silence for Matt Murton, please."
- I can't even remember ever writing the name Brad Snyder. Take that, guy who I may have made up. The Fuld thing sounds sort of anti-Semitic in hindsight. I should probably correct that - they control everything, you know! What's that at the door?!? Oh no, it's already too lajklahsgasghhsjghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Zambrano - "Can't wait for another year of "how is Carlos's head going to be?" stories. More fun than a sleeping bag full of centipedes!"
- And it was. Gordon Wittenmyer read that prediction and started having menstrual cramps in anticipation.
Rich Hill - "Rich Hill - HAHAHAHHAHAHA. Just kidding, guys."
- Again, Baltimore.
Jeff Samardzija - "If you ask any Chicagoland Irish fan, they'll predict a sub-2 ERA and a shutdown setup role. The rest of us are skeptical, as he's actually far crappier than the people with obnoxious class rings let on."
"Touch it ... if you DARE!"
Koyie Hill - "Sure, he hits like crap's somewhat less disciplined cousin, but the man ran his hand into a bansaw and went right back to baseball. And that is not a metaphor - the motherfucker ran his hand into a motherfucking bansaw, and the doctors stitched it back together with the aim of his being able to throw a baseball. We'll drink to that."
- Not really a prediction, but I still love the Koyie Hill bansaw story. I guess we did drink to that many, many times - so score another for WAIW.
In Which I Demonstrate a Lack of Psychic Ability
I've run out of Soto fat jokes. Good thing we traded for Silva.
Geovany Soto - "We here at WAIW are sometimes caught up in our own sarcasm and fatalism, but Soto is one of the few home-grown Cubs to leave us with nothing but unrestrained optimism."
- Yeah, his 2009 season kicked my pregnant optimism down the stairs. Thanks, Geo.
Derrek Lee/Micah Hoffpauir - "Sure, he's named like a craftsman from Pennsylvania Amish country, but the bastard hit 5 home runs in a minor league game last year. He also managed a .342 average and a .536 slugging percentage during his 33 games with the big league squad last year. Those would be semi-erotic numbers for a young call-up, but Micah is 29 this year. We still hope he gets a chance to show what he can do this year. It can't be worse than 6-4-3 Lee"
- I don't know what was up by butt that day. I love Derrek Lee, and always have. I blame hormones. Women's hormones. I'd been injecting them into my spine in a horrifically misguided attempt at eternal youth. One year later I still can't stop laughing at Delta Burke in "Designing Women."
Not charming when the pitcher's beating you in all statistical hitting categories.
Mike Fontenot - "What does this poor bleach-blonde bastard have to do to get a fair shot with the Cubs? In 99 games last year, he hit .305, smacked 9 home runs, and drove in 40 runs. And this was mainly in a backup role to our dear departed McDreamy."
- Well, he got his shot last year, all right. It was Fonte-not good Be careful what you wish for. By the way, I'd like to emphasize that the McDreamy comment was itself a takeoff on the rending of flesh over the DeRo departure. Or latent man-on-man sexual attraction. Take your pick.
At least you got your year ... what's that, it was a repeat of 2004? Well, fuck.
Angel Guzman - "He was an exciting prospect around the time I was learning to drink whiskey in the dorms. Will this finally be his year? No, it wont. But I had to ask."
- That looked like a much safer pick in April 2009. I could predict the same now, but I feel awful for Angel. He earned my respect, even with the occasional use of dork glasses.
Pennant Chances - "World Series. This is the year! Do we ever expect anything less? No, we do not."
- One day I'll get this pick right. This year, if I'm not mistaken.