Today in Fuckyeah: Hawk in the Hall

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Today in Fuckyeah: Hawk in the Hall

. Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Look closely. I'm pretty sure he signed his name "Captain Awesome, Esq."

They said it wouldn't happen. Hell, I said it would happen to Steve when this topic came up a couple of months ago. But today, dear readers, Andre Dawson, the Hawk and our favorite Starting Lineup hero, was elected to baseball's Hall of Fame. We will note, also, that he is the only such player to do so this year, because the people who vote on this thing take HOF induction more seriously than the veneration of a saint. And yea, today we have St. Hawk of Wrigley.

Let's all pretend I didn't go looking on eBay for action figures once the vote was announced.

Also hilarious? As I write this, the Trib's headline remains out of date. WAIW has scooped you, ya bastards! We remain, I should point out, far behind the rest of the Internet.

An old-timey scoop. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Zombie Colonel McCormick! Rock beats scissor, paper covers rock, and Internet kills paper.

More about this joyous event, after the jump.

I predict an increase in Dawson jersey sales. I myself might brave the shrieking, clattering, punchable crowds at Woodfield to pick up a Dawson player shirt sometime this week. It's a mix of me being so happy for my favorite childhood player and the fact that I need to leech on to each moment of Cubs joy, for they may be few and far between. Though the man played far longer for Montreal, he was a Cub through and through, excelling on the field and embraced by fans across the city. Plus, you know, fuck Montreal. And by the transitive property, the Nationals.

But not all is good news, dear friends. Former Cub Eric Karros (336 total at-bats for our Boys in Blue) received 2 votes - a whopping 0.4 percent - and will be stricken from the ballot like a shamed political candidate. Why two people believe that a forgettable career .268 hitter belongs in the hall in beyond me. Lee Smith fell short again, but gained a few votes over last time. The biggest shocker, Don Mattingly, who received a scant 16.1 percent of the vote. Maybe next time he'll trim those sideburns.


Aaaaaand, just to be an asshole, I'm going to point out that former South Sider Robin Ventura received a total of 7 votes (less than a third of Andres Galaragga, hahaha) and will be summarily flushed from the ballot like so much human waste. I haven't seen Ventura go down in such a pathetic manner since he decided it was a good idea to charge Nolan Ryan.

If only "So You Had a Bad Day" was invented back then. Hilarious montages would have ensued.

Happy New Year, you magnificent bastards.