Thursday Roundup: Maddux, Monsters, and Monotony

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Thursday Roundup: Maddux, Monsters, and Monotony

. Thursday, January 14, 2010


1987 Greg Maddux: Here to fix your cable.

Number retiree (grumblerabblerabblegrumble) Greg Maddux is now a member of the front office. He was long known as perhaps the smartest player in the game, showing advanced mental acuity at the same time Carl Everett was talking about how secular liberals invented dinosaurs. He should be an asset to the front office, provided we don't let him become one of the top young front office people, then refuse to pay him, then see him go become a Hall of Fame GM with another team. Most importantly, though, is my fervent hope that he's smarter than the guy who brought in Milton Bradley, Aaron Miles, and Aaron Heilman in hopes of turning a contender into a champion. Let's hope we're pulling a Scotty Bowman here.

More Hard-Hitting News, After the Jump


Pictured: Roughly 63 percent of Mark McGwire.

Noted steroid monster Mark McGwire finally admitted to ... well, to being a steroid monster. He also told us that Santa Claus wasn't real, and that the tooth fairy has been dead since right after the Korean war. Completely fucked up our day.

Bloggers are the Worst

"Blerrrr, his VOLPHSINSH stat isn't nearly as high as Franklin 'Whitey' Blanshire, who as been EXCLUDED from the Hall. Injustice. INJUSTICE!"

Every single Hall of Fame vote, it's the same thing - "This guy shouldn't be in the Hall when that guy's not," "That guy doesn't have enough walks," "That guy shouldn't wear that hat to the Hall." Over and over and over. Indignant ejaculation of stats, red-faced exhortations that a sane person could not possibly think a certain way, and - worst of all - monocles dropping into drinks wholesale across the land.

All of this is tied into a certain theme - how things "should" be. It makes me insane, and makes me start to defend the cro-magnons who think that the new school of stats somehow harms the game. I'm just sick of hearing about these black box algorithms for weeks on end every time there's a HOF vote. I get it, there's absolutely dick going on during the off-season. Much of it isn't worth writing about. But that's what YouTube, shitty merchandise, and an overabundance of cursing is for.


Pictured: WAIW Newsroom. Also pictured: Re-used joke.

As I mentioned above, the off-season can be brutal when it comes to running a Cubs blog. We don't podcast, we don't really have a whole lot of comments, and there's clearly been little off-season roster activity. At least it's hitting the professionals just as hard. In fact, there's a sampling of the top Cubs headlines on the Trib site today:

- Jaramillo Expects to Exceed Expectations
- Piniella Thinks Mark McGwire Should be in Hall of Fame
- Johnson Still in Cubs outfield picture
- Cubs Sign Minor League 1B

Yeah, that about covers it. The Piniella story is bullshit - I saw the interview, he said that he expects McGwire will one day be in the HOF, because people have short memories, and that it's probably for the best. That, friends is not a story. Jaramillo and Johnson aren't really stories at all, and the unnamed minor leaguer barely qualifies as such. So here we are, cursing and mocking the ghost of 2009's past and turning a cynical eye to the future. Glad you're along for the ride.


KD said...

that 'stache on 1987 Maddux is pretty freakin sweet!

Steve said...

even if im not writing, im still reading.