WAIW Welcomes New Insect Overlords

It's hard to keep up the blogging during this time of year, as you may have noticed. No Cubs baseball, not yet the offseason. We've been Waiting For Next Year for an uncomfortably long time, yet haven't been able to dwell in the land of wild speculation that is the off-season acquisition market. Aw, raspberries. But at least we'll never have to hear about how the new ownership deal is almost done. Just so damn close to being done. We've been hearing that shit since before last season began, and I was fairly convinced that that bridge toll who fucked up the Trib would half-assedly own our beloved team forever. But Tom Ricketts has won this parade of blandish white men, and so we offer our congratulations.

The vibe seems pretty positive around Cubdom for the arrival of our new Ant Overlord, but as a cynical son of a bitch, I can't help but wonder if Washingtonians thought Dan Snyder would do a crackerjack job for the Redskins. But there I go, acting all Cubs fan-y again. Welcome, Tom. Don't make us a laughingstock. Or, rather, try to end that current condition with as much expediency as possible. We wuv you.

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StubHub: Disinterring the Corpse of Our Season

My boss forwarded me an e-mail yesterday that he'd recieved earlier that afternoon. All he said by way of introduction was "Best e-mail ever."



Not that I needed an excuse to once again associate the term "StubHub" with the term "mother fucking fuckers."

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Cubs Media Monday: SUPER FUN HAPPY TIME

Today, in my search for a CMM post, I decided to see what was the most viewed Cubs YouTube video of all time. The results were ... odd. For some reason, this is the first thing that pops up.

So ... any ideas? To my mind, it makes about as much sense as signing Ryan Dempster to a $40 million deal.

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WAIW Salute: Captain Lou Albano

WAIW would be crazily remiss if we didn't tip our caps to the recently departed Captain Lou Albano. He rode that wild wave of Hulkamania before it crested, and eventually hit the low-water mark with "Hollywood Hogan" and reality shows. Now, you might think I'm going to go for a Hulkamania video here, and you might think I'm going to invoke Cindy Lauper. But you're wrong, motherfuckers, because this man reached his greatest heights as Mario. That's right - the Super Mario Brothers Super Show.

I used to rush home from school to catch it Monday through Thursday (Friday was Legend of Zelda). Further, on those rare Saturdays where I drag my ass out of bed early enough to make a proper batch of breakfast tacos, I still like to pop in a Super Mario Brothers Super Show DVD (impulse purchase at Target) and rock out like I'm still some taco-eating child. The next time I do it, I'll pour one out for Captain Lou. And I'd advise you all do the same.

How can one properly pay tribute to such a man who provided such entertainment? Well, I've got one idea:

1. Swing your arms from side to side
2. Take one step and then again
3. Let's do the Mario, all together now
4. Booze

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The Cardinals: Not Too Fun, Is It?

If this isn't metaphor, I'm not sure what is.

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All You Need Is ... Schadenfreude

It's not as if Cardinals fans didn't pile on last year. Sure, they could still pull the series out, but for the moment - GFY, Redbirds!

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Now That Cubs Season Over: America To Blow Up Moon

Now that the Cubs season is over, we need to find things to post about. This has nothing to do with the Cubs so much, but I enjoy dropping clips of nonsense we enjoy (i.e. several vintage Simpsons episodes). So when I got back from lunch, I went through my usual rotation of sites (1. WAIW - check for comments, always sad; 2. Facebook - everyone apparently is happy tomorrow is Friday; 3. ESPN - Same old nonsense, Boston this, Tebow breathes that; and 4. CNN). When I got to 4, I noticed a story entitled "NASA set to crash on the moon - twice." Evidently, we are sending two spacecraft to the moon tomorrow morning to crash into it. This of course, led me to one of my favorite clips from Mr. Show, in which America wants to blow up the moon. So, now that we are in the struggle for update zone, I hope you enjoy the above clip.

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Cubs Media Monday: Happy Thoughts Edition

For the first time in three years, the Cubs failed to win the division and make the playoffs (though, similarly, also spared us of a first round sweep). At the end of every season in my life, there is always that thought of what could've been. I have to believe that it will happen for us, or else I don't think I could have been a fan for this long. As our regular readers know, we are big Steve Goodman fans and, while certainly everyone knows "Go, Cubs, Go!" at this point, we like to point out other Cubs gems that he has produced (not to mention, you know, all those non-Cubs songs), such as "A Dying Cubs Fan's Last Request." Well, this has a more upbeat feel, and I think expresses how we all will feel when we finally reach what we have been waiting far too long for.

To new beginnings!

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Weekend Season Recap: OVAH!

"Forget the Olympics, we've got the wordiest sign ever!"

Remember that part in Rocky, where Mickey's all "It's OVERRRR, Rock!" and Sylvester Stallone mumbles something that the subtitles tell you means "Nothing is over"? Well, I always thought that instead of stunned admiration, Burgess Meredith should have just shot back "of COURSE it's over, fuck face! You refuse to block punches, and Apollo Creed is like a big, sexy jackhammer."

The 2009 Cubs: Also shitty at playing pickle.

Much like my vision of a strangely bi-curious Mickey, we've all known this season was over awhile ago. My W flag ritual suffered. Steve was relieved that we had to eat long-held tickets to Sunday's game, and my girlfriend started her usual post-baseball hope ritual of begrudgingly accepting the fact that I'm about to go nuts about football and hockey. This all happened long before yesterday's capstone loss (or more like CRAPstone loss, amIright?) to the Arizona Diamondbacks. And now that's it's actually over, do I feel much different? Not really.

Reed Johnson: scrappy. If you don't speak Baseball Writer, than that sentence should read "Reed Johnson: white, and somewhat talented."

I've seen many more crap Cubs seasons than good ones, and what usually carries me through another year of bad play and worse jokes about 100 years is the fact that I genuinely enjoy being a part of the fan base. I love going to Wrigley, interacting with other fans, paying too much for beer, and cheering for the players. But this year we got Milton Bradley, and it wasn't quite as easy to doggedly keep recapping. I mean, even I eventually run out of disparaging terms for that crying sack of self-pity.

Soto and his chins attempt a daring slide

If there's one thing that Steve and I do very well, it's accepting defeat with the stoicism of the Buddha. This too will pass. And next Spring, I'll have the same restless feeling I had at the beginning of this year, waiting for Spring Training to end, online ticketing to open, and the bartender to get me another damn beer so I can both be half-drunk and get to the game on time. That's the WAIW way.

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WAIW Cubs Blog Roundtable, Week 27: Sisyphean Fandom

We at WAIW are lucky enough to be acquainted with the operators of a bunch of excellent Cubs blogs. Every Friday throughout the 2009 season, we're going to bring as many of them as we can together to share their thoughts on being Cubs fans. This week - our fan habits in the face of mounting apathy:

With the Cubs 2009 season receiving a time of death announcement weeks ago, the Cubs have dropped out of the minds of many Chicagoans. Clearly, we're all fairly hardcore Cubs fans here, but a depressing spate meaningless games with the Pirates would be trying for any fan. How - if at all - has your Cubs routine changed since The Year officially turned into Crap Sandwich?

Cubbiejulie

You mean other than putting up my blog for postseason rental?
Sadly, it hasn't changed at all.
I think this is the definition of insanity: cheering for the same time over and over again and expecting a different result.

Jen

There's no longer a fight to the death with Mr. Jen for the bigger TV when the Cubs play on NFL Sunday, I attended my baby niece's baptism despite its scheduling conflict with the Cards series, and I've been taking lots & lots of naps.

Waxpaperbeercup

I still watch or listen to parts of each game. I really don't care about the outcomes. It's strange, I guess I'm following these games like they were Spring Training. It's great to hear Pat Hughes call a baseball game. Beyond that, I'm turning my attention to the playoff teams.

Ted Lilly Fan Club

Sadly, Cubs fans have gotten fat on crap sandwiches for the last hundred years and change so, in the name of consistency, this year hasn't been any different. In terms of our Cubs routine, we have made a few changes to reflect the end of the season.

First, we have put away the Sanka and Bud Extra for the season. The Sextra cocktail is perfect for baseball season (smooth, honest, patriotic) but feels a bit strange in football season. For that, we put on the grandpa hat and focus squarely on bottles and bottles of Virginia Gentleman bourbon. Second, we can now finally wash off the painted on #30 Lilly jersey that we've been "wearing" for the entire season. Sure, we got strange looks on the el, at church and when we volunteered at the soup kitchen but that's what it means to be a Tedhead. And, finally, third, we can turn our collective focus back to solving the healthcare crisis and debating merits of a 'public option' (you did know that, secretly, the TLFC is run by Professor Paul Dutton--a former Brookings Institution Scholar and author of "Different Diagnoses: A Comparitive History of Health Care Problems and Solutions in the United States and France" right?)

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White Sox Fans: You Can't Make This Shit Up

Seen by Steve and myself in O'Hare, on the way to Boston the other week:



Perfect. Absolutely perfect. I'm going to start calling U.S. Cellular the Kidz Korner.

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Doubleheader Recap: The Motherfuckin Pirates?

Aaron Miles earned his job with the Cubs by affecting that posture directly in front of Jim Hendry. Yes, I know it's Sam Fuld, but I don't want to accuse Sam Fuld of blowing Jim Hendry, now do I?

Seriously?


Fucking seriously?


I always thought the whole "Play For Pride" thing was just some stupid shit they put on the back of shirts for shitty high school football teams, on part in stupidity with "Pain Is Just Weakness Leaving the Body." And perhaps I'll stick to that conviction. But how about we have a nod toward the "Play For Not Losing To the Cocksucking Motherfucking Piratse" ethos? How about we don't lose both games of a doubleheader to them? COCK!



Whyyyy? Why didn't we know that playing Micah Hoffpauir in the outfield would lead to tragedy?

Today, we've got Jeff Samardzija on the mound as we try (and fail) to salvage the split. Yes, that's right, I just said we're playing for the split against the Pirates today. THE SPLIT. WITH THE PIRATES. TEE HEEEE HEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.


DANCE WITH ME! DANCE THE DANCE OF INSANITY! BOOP DE DOOO DA BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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