WAIW Cubs Blog Roundtable 19: Brick Walls, and the Opposite

We at WAIW are lucky enough to be acquainted with the operators of a bunch of excellent Cubs blogs. Every Friday throughout the 2009 season, we're going to bring as many of them as we can together to share their thoughts on being Cubs fans. This week - the defensive greats, and the not so greats:

As important as hitting is, good play in the field can turn a player into a favorite as well. Certainly people put up with Corey Patterson and Felix Pie a little longer because they could occasionally play a mean center field. John continued to advocate for Fukudome last year because of his defensive skill, even as his batting average came to resemble Koyie Hill's. On the other hand, you've always got your Shawon Dunstons, Afonso Soriano's and the like. So who is your favorite defensive player of all time? Conversely, who is the worst defender you've seen play regularly?

Ace

For the best, in my lifetime, how can I not go with Ryno? Sure, he wasn't nearly as flashy as some others, but he was so consistently solid. And how about Derrek Lee circa a few years ago? Was there a better first baseman in the game at the time? Which reminds me, Mark Grace was damn good over there, too. This is quickly becoming a stream of consciousness.

As for the worst in the field, I don't have one. But I can give you a guy that really, really pissed me off: Juan Pierre. He got so much credit for being this great center fielder, when in reality, he was simply fast. He took poor routes and he couldn't throw to second base on the fly.




Waxpaperbeercup

The Cubs have had some good defensive players through the years: DLee, Maddux, Grace. But my favorite defensive player for the Cubs happens to be a HOF player, Ryne Sandberg. Sandberg was brilliant at 2B. Because of his size he played it differently from many of the mites that occupied the position in the 80's. He had the errorless streak, where you never thought he would make an error. I actually remember being at a party when he made the error to end the streak. The only second sacker that I ever saw play it better was Robbie Alomar.

Worst defensive player, many come to mind again Hector Villanueva, their current corner OF's. But my worst defensive player was Eric Young. EY was so bad we called him E4. He made 27 errors in two seasons with the Cubs, and maybe statistically that doesn't make him the worst, but good lord after watching Sandberg play second for all those years it was really hard to watch E4 the two years the Cubs had him.

Chip Wesley

Maybe it was just my imagination but during his one year stint back in 2005 Jeromy Burnitz had a hell of an arm in right field. I saw him make some awesome throws to home. I was actually pissed the following season when the Cubs didn't bring him back. Of course the Pirates stupidly threw $6 million at him and he rewarded them with a pretty lousy season before calling it a career, so in hindsight it was probably best Chicago didn't re-sign him. Still, Jock Jones wishes he had half the arm Burnitz had.

Jen

Sometimes all it takes is one error to leave a permanent stain in your mind of a player's defensive abilities. Even when that player is considered to be an above-average defender. Maybe he only had 10 errors that year. But if it's a big enough error...an error that - instead of ending the 8th inning of the NLCS with a routine (routine!) double play (or at least one!) and the Cubs still up two runs - led to the Marlins scoring seven more runs and well, you know the story...May Alex Gonzalez be banished to a hell dimension where he will be forced to 6-4-3 for all of eternity.

And yet, the same guy that tied that very game on the other side is now one of my favorite all-time defenders - D-Lee. While I adore (or stalk, let's not argue semantics) Aramis Ramirez - after five years of watching Derrek dig out the garbage thrown to him across the infield it really makes you appreciate #25's Gold Glove.

Ginger Russ

All this excitement is making me tired. Between the Cubs magically scoring 24 runs in 2 games (what was that like all the runs we scored in June combined?), all the trade rumors, and now Brett Favre is retiring again (only Favre can retire from being retired, but don't worry, he said he would be available in November), I can barely hold my head up. So I will make this short and sweet.

Best defense I've ever seen has to be Sandberg. For nine years from 1983 to 1991 was the best 2nd baseman in baseball, receiving a Golden Glove each of those years. Now 2nd base is the new 3rd base for the Cubs, as we've trotted out horrible player after horrible player this year at second (sans Andy White, who is actually decent, although can't hit worth a shit, at least 354 out of 355 times at bat).

I would also like to point out to some other blog, let's just call them ACB, that people ask Ryno about steroids and he answers their questions. Unlike some real douchebags that chew on toothpicks, he doesn't dodge the questions. He answers them truthfully and yes he may have an opinion, but at least he isn't vanilla about it. Sandberg, along with Mr. Cub, was probably the most upstanding Cubs player to set foot on Wrigley Field. I hope to God that he does one day become the Cubs Manager, so you do become Another Cardinals Blog and you never write retarded ass shit about the Cubs ever again.

Worst defensive player I guess Todd Hundley. I don't really have any stats to back that up, but he sucked. So much for short and sweet.

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Cheaper By The Dozen 2

I'm so fortunate to be able to recapture the glory of yesterday's caption

Two games, 24 runs. We have gone weeks without accumulating 24 runs, then we go all double dozen on the Astros. I mean, those are beer league softball numbers. I should know, we allowed at least that many runs in every game of the season. The Cubs pounding, combined with the Dodgers finally figuring out how to win a game, puts us back in first and 8 games over .500. With the bats starting to swing, and Hendry stopping by the Pirates estate sale to pick up a couple of lefties for the bullpen, we are putting ourselves in a position to take control of the Central.

As Humberto Quintero gets hit by a pitch, he wonders why he left his job as a stand-in on Life Goes On

Kevin Hart, to his credit, pitched solid, after a somewhat shaky start. He ended up with some numbers on some hits giving up some runs – see, it really doesn’t matter anymore because he was traded as soon as the game ended; as such, we will not dignify his statistics with numbers in the blog post. The relievers, however, are still with the Cubs: Marshall, Atkins and Gregg all pitched an inning, giving up a combined 1 hit and allowing 0 runs. Hell, Gregg had 3 strike-outs. It’s amazing how little we have to concern ourselves with Gregg when you put up an egg carton on the scoreboard.

As per Japanese culture, every hit is celebrated by a karate chop to break the sacred wooden bat

Fukudome continued to improve his average and is looking great at lead-off, going 3-3 and picking up 2 walks in his 5 at-bats. That is pretty much the best day a lead-off hitter can do. And to his credit, Soriano has taken to the 6-spot and this lineup is crazy-scary, with no break for a pitcher at 1-6. The Astros found that out this week when they inexplicably walked Bradley to get to Soriano, and first base wasn’t even open. I’ve said it before, but it is nice to finally see this team click again, as it was tough to watch in the first half. I will begrudgingly admit I was wrong, and am going to credit this to the return of Aramis. He has brought back a team mentality and a cohesiveness that was missing. There was one play this week where he had a hell of a stop at third and throw to Lee on his ass to get the runner and Lee pointed his glove at A-Ram. While it may not seem like much, it is a marked change from what felt like nine individuals trying versus one team. 6:05 can’t come soon enough, just hope Lou can stay away from the margaritas until after.

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Cheaper By The Dozen

Find out what happens when celebrities owe back-taxes!

There are certain times at work when I am in the proverbial "zone" (for an accountant, this equates to calculating 15+ numbers under 20 seconds with no errors, or "footing" if you are in the biz). When in said "zone" I sometimes forget my hunger for the briefest of moments, and take a later lunch. Yesterday, I has able to hold out until 12:30 before partaking in some delicious Qdoba (naked chicken burrito, as I am a huge pussy). This means I didn't get back to work until around 1:30, and by the time I got settled in for the afternoon (read: comment on several people's facebook status'), it was 2:15 and I forgot the game was on. By the time my MLB audio program opened up and I saw the box score, we were already up 7-0. All I heard were the proverbial (two proverbials in one paragraph, akin to more bang for the....proverbial...buck!) "cherries on top" as we went on to win 12-0.

Proverbially more, after the jump.

Ahhh the awkward left-handed high-five, staples of unpopular kids across the country

Almost everyone got in on the fun, with 15 people getting in the game combining for 14 hits. The big negative, however, is Reed Johnson will be out for a month fracturing his foot on a fall ball. What is with this team? Dempster breaks his toe jumping out of the dugout, Sosa breaks his back sneezing...it is egregious I tell you, EGREGIOUS! The good news is Fukudome has been hitting well enough and is as good or better as Reed in center. Of course, I'm sick of not having a roster at 100%, though I'd rather have it now then September (what an insight!)

In an excellent display of cross-promotion, Milton Bradley does his interpretation of the hit game Perfection!

A post would be incomplete without praise for Wells (I guess you could say he pitched pretty wells...I hate myself). 8 strong innings, allowing 0 runs on 6 hits. I had my reservations on getting excited about him, but he has proven to be solid and I hate to think where we would be without him stepping up. He now has 7 wins on the season, tying him with Zambrano and Harden, but he has the lowest ERA of any starter. Today we get Kevin Hart, who we really need a big outing out of to keep pace in the Central, with the Cards inexplicably won the past 3 against the Dodgers. This team is finally coming around, and it should be an exciting final two months.

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Crimes Against Commerce Wednesday: The Die-Cast

With gas prices so cheap in his native Venezuela, he couldn't afford not to get this hummer

Die Cast Promotions Chicago Cubs "Call Me Toro" H2

Price: Was: $99.99 (Now: $39.99)

Limited to only 300 produced, MLB has already become so desperate that they have reduced the price by 60%. Who wouldn't want this limited edition Hummer model that not only features Zambrano's face ruining any possible view for the rear-driver's side passenger, but also has been attacked by Zorro? Per the manufacturer's description: "You can actually see the intensity in Carlos Zambrano's eyes on this model." Not as much as the intensity in the bowel movements in the pants of the individual that green lighted this product as the sales figures trickle in.

How can I show people at work that I love the Cubs AND beat my wife?

Chicago Cubs 2006 1:25 Scale Model MLB Chevy Silverado

Price: Was: $39.99 (Now: $19.99)

No surprise here, another hefty discount. They describe this as a "Vintage vehicle that 'delivers the goods' with style." Does this refer to a right-hook when the Mrs. asks how you like your steak done? (Editor's Note: John does drive a truck, but it is a Toyota, so it seems way less wife-beater-ey). I am not sure who is buying this item, but at 50% off, I can't imagine it is...anyone.

Inexplicably, more examples, after the jump.

The perfect gift for the rare die-hard 'Duel' fan / Soriano supporter

Die Cast Promotions Alfonso Soriano Trailer

Price: Was: $49.99 (Now: $24.99)

Notice a trend here? Another 50% discount, despite the dubious "limited to 300" claim made. I wonder why a Cubs fan wouldn't want to purchase this model truck that celebrates some great years from the outfielder? Wait a minute...2005 and 2006? Shit, that's right, those are the years he played for Texas and Washington. OOOOOOPS! I suppose 2007: 30/10 and 2008: 20/10 doesn't have the same ring to it.

This should be a collectible in memoriam of Erik Estrada's child pornography discussion

Die-Cast Promotions Chicago Cubs Harley Davidson

Price: $79.99

No discount here, kids! For 80 bucks (plus S&H - they ain't runnin' no goddamn charity!), you can get this 8 inch long toy (must. resist. obvious. jokes.). Let's look at this objectively. No adult should have this, and no damn child is getting an $80 model Harley. So who the hell is buying this? I'm fairly certain all of the Hell's Angels spent all their money on bail after shiving too many people at Altamont.

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I Mean, You Can't Sweep Them All

Wesley Wright is clearly impressed with all the man that Miguel Tejada is, offering him the rare ODHJ (On Deck Hand Job)

Well, it was a weird game to watch. Dempster sucked like he just came off of the DL, there was a ball hit into a jersey, and Soriano made a good defensive play. Yes, a bizarre game indeed. In fact, the last point made Bob Brenley utter the phrase: “I never thought I’d hear these words come out of my mouth, but that is a nice defensive play by Alfonso Soriano." You and me both, Bob. Unfortunately, too many miscues cost the Cubs the game, and, as of press time (Cards are currently up 4-0), possibly first place in the division. Regardless, the team has been coming together lately and have actually been watchable. After A-Ram made a hell of a play at third to throw out the runner from his ass to Lee, I saw Lee point at Aramis, saying nice play. It is these little things that I haven't seen this year that make a team a "team", and I'm glad there is finally a bit of cohesiveness.

More, plus fun by letters, after the jump.

Great catch? Sure...but what was the crowd thinking?

A favorite of mine is looking at the reactions of fans while plays are going on. We see a plethora of them here, and I decided to break it down. Legend, as follows:

A: "OMG! I'm sooooooo upset my hamster died!:

B: "I'd rather be watching Project Runway."

C: "Did Laney, like, really go to prom with Paul Walker?"

D: "Who farted?!?"

E: "Shiiiiiit, I'd catch that."

F: "Hmmm...I think I'll order some General Tso's Chicken after the game."

Dammit! Why did I already use the "It's not a tumor" reference?!

Of the numerous Cubs losses I have had to endure this year, this one was one of the most palatable. Sure, there were plenty of bad plays on defensive, but at least we were able to put 6 runs on the board. Still two more games against the Astros, who will be dealing with a depleted bullpen. I'm sure we will take one more, but taking the rest with would be huge. With the Cards somehow kicking the shit out of the Dodgers, every win counts. It's going to be an interesting second half, with 4 teams still in contention in the Central. Man, it must suck to be the Pirates or the Reds.

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Cubs 5 - Astros 1: Soriano Saves Fontenot's Ass, Own Ass

The unfortunate biological result of Soriano seeing himself in a mirror

The game-winning gram slam that ended last night's game was a thing of joy and wonderment. Despite being hit on a generous arc, the ball ended up all the way at the Batter's Eye in CF, bouncing off the roof. To be succinct, Fonzie hit the absolute hell out of it. But then he had to go and be a dick about it. He did each of the following:

1. Stood stock-still and watched the entire flight of the ball. I know it pretty much ended the game, but still

2. Pointed to each of what looked like a dozen relatives in the front row, pausing to share a personal anecdote with each on his way to first.

3. High-fived Sinatro, like, really hard.

4. Did some bizarre "I'm washing my face with Jurgen's Oil Free Acne Cleanser" dance between second and third.

5. Danced the Charleston from third to home.

6. Uttered the phrase "I won the game" in the post-game conference.

7. Donned a metal mask, called himself Dr. Doom, and informed the yawning beat writers that one day very soon, they would break under the heel of his merciless oppression.

8. Took the last Fruit By The Foot from the post-game spread. I mean ... DUDE

"Vote Soriano for Senate 2012. Excuse me though, I have to run the bases."

Here's the thing: I only made up a couple of those. I certainly didn't make up #4, and when I got up this morning, I couldn't remember if it was real, or something I dreamed due to too much raw onion and Tecate during dinner (along with other things - I'm not some friggin' weirdo). The truth was, Soriano was having a fairly awful game, besides a fortuitous backpedaling catch in extras. He'd gone 0-5 with a double play and some really terrible-looking swings. And suddenly he knocks Cecil Cooper's 6th choice pitcher to Hell and back, and he's acting like Rickey Henderson? Let's show a little humility here, bud. Just a couple innings earlier, you somehow decided not to run on a slow bouncer to third that hit you in some sort of phantom foot. You weren't so high on life then.

Man, he surely did hit the holy crap out of the ball, though.

More positive jibba jabba after the jump

They're making a V for Victory. Or Vendetta. Or ... umm ... Vaseline.

Aside from his own miscues, Soriano made up for Mike Fontenot and the absolute worst attempt at a suicide squeeze I've ever seen. And I've seen Neifi Perez attempt one. Fontenot stranded Bradley between third and home, because he decided that running to first was more important than, you know, actually making contact with the pitch. Bradley got this look on his face when he saw the catcher come up with the pitch like it was Daytona and Fontenot had just cockblocked him. Which probably would have been less infuriating than seeing Malibu Mike singlehandedly make 2 outs with the bases loaded. I'm still wondering why Lou made the call at all. Or why he didn't use Andres Blanco, the only guy on the team who knows how to bunt. Or why he didn't trust Valverde to walk a 4th batter in a row. Whatever, I'm happy now.

Being a consummate professional and a smart player, Lee knew enough to immediately tell "NO TAG BACKS!"

But let's talk positives here. Zambrano looked good most of the night, aside from occasional "Outside, that's 3-0 Ron," "Ohhhhhh, geeeeeeeeez" moments. He was the recipient of some lucky-ass double plays, but that's baseball. He only gave up 3 hits in a full 7, and looked every bit as shutdown as Wandy Rodriguez, who we still can't seem to make suffer.

Still wondering why his parents would name a child Wandy. The answer is simple, though. They hated him.

We probably could have ended things sooner, but the 1-2 spots in the lineup (Reed, The Riot) went a combined 0-12. It's hard to win early when you've got that going on. Derrek Lee and Aramis Ramirez looked like the cornerstones they're paid to be, and D.Lee took 3 walks to go along with a 2-3 day and a Waveland home run. And while it may have escaped notice with all the tension, it's worth noting that the bullpen looked good. Damn good.

Apparently, being a colossal douche is forbidden under the NL rulebook

You know what was strange? Seeing LaTroy Hawkins get tossed so quickly. I had looked down at my dinner plate with all things normal, and by the time I looked back up, he was getting the heave and Cecil Cooper was already halfway out to home. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy.

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Cubs Media Monday: Mark FUCKING Grace

Do you know why no one likes Derek Jeter? Let's run down the some of the list:

- He plays for the Evil Empire
- He always looks like he's three seconds away from bursting into tears
- He makes a shit-ton of money, and let's face it, there's some jealousy there
- He's as bland as a tofu sandwich on white bread

It's the last one that registers with me. As everyone from Will Leitch to my grad school PR professors said, athletes today have a financial incentive to be as bland as possible. Controversy costs them money. Hell, even being unbland gets the media's panties in a bunch. Look at Carlos Zambrano and try to disagree with me. So that's why this week's Cubs Media Monday, we're going to look back at a simpler time.

Remember how when we were kids, ballplayers seemed larger than life? Well, I've become fairly convinced that more of them really were. It's not so much us growing up as the blandification (I'm coining the shit out of that) of sport. When we were kids, Mark Grace was a fuck-spewing (sounds messy), slump busting (also messy), hard drinking son of a bitch. And it's not like he was very controversial. Now fast forward to 2009 - our most interesting player is a Venezuelan pitcher who dares to get angry. I offer as evidence of Gracey's awesomeness the following audio, taken from his time in the booth at Arizona. The hilarity will dull the pain of seeing him in a D-Backs uniform.

WITNESS MY EVER-POPULAR SECOND BY SECOND BREAKDOWN, PATHETIC MORTALS! Ahem - after the jump.



0:07 - Wait a second, that isn't Radio Gracey

0:09 - "Every fuckin' swing that guy takes is an underwater swing." Now that is quality shit talking. I think he must have seen me play softball.

0:14 - "Uhhh, you know, AJ Burnett." It took a full 2 on-air fucks to get whatever schlub the D-Backs have announcing (Thom Brennaman, if I'm not mistaken) to cut in.

0:22 - "If this guy can hit a slam off of you, get your fuckin' ass out of here."

0:22 - Hilariously, the other dude keeps using AJ Burnett as his Cussing Safety Blanket.

0:28 - Yet another f-bomb. Grace has blown Brennaman's AJ Burnett-loving mind.

0:32 - And then the apology. Don't apologize to me for that, apologize to me for verbally fellating Tim Tebow. Or for springing fully formed from your father's rotted, jet-black uterus of evil.

Admit it - you clicked on "uterus of evil" to see what I could possibly hotlink for that phrase.

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Weekend Recap: First Place!

Carlos Zambrano freaks the fuck out when he doesn't get a call on a breaking ball to the outside corner. What happens when that dog poops in the house? Is that one in a line of many doomed dogs?

That'll be nine road losses in a row for the Cincinnati Dusties, and I'll certainly take it. It's entirely possible that the Reds have now put themselves completely out of the division race. But then again, every time we say that about a team, they decide to be a pain in the ass and start winning. So I'll shy away from predicting the Reds season conclusion, and say only what I know to be immediately true: The Reds currently suck, and your Chicago Cubs are in first place in the NL Central. It may be just half a game, and it may have something to do with playing the Nationals and Reds, but it's sweet to be on top. That's what she said.

Even more sophisticated humor, after the jump



Friday: Cubs 8, Reds 5

Awkward high five-fist bump confusion: Not just for white guys anymore

Have I mentioned how much I enjoy having Aramis Ramirez back? Steve may hate him for his defense - and he's got a point there - but the last few months proved how indispensable he is to the lineup. Between his resurgence and Fukudome actually hitting, my favorite oft-reviled Cubs players are making me look like a genius.

Randy Wells has finally figured out how to win games - by being completely average. Once he stopped looking like an ace, he's picked up a quick 6 wins. Giving up a 3-run homer to Aaron Harang was a good way to not look like an ace. So long as he lets the other team score 2-4 runs, triumph is assured. Just one of those weird baseball things, I guess.

Saturday: Cubs 5, Reds 3

Psst, Aramis. Someone spilled some New Jersey on your face.

Does anyone remember how terrible Kevin Hart has been as a reliever in the past? He got a small shot with the club in '07, didn't do terribly, and raped the corpse of that goodwill during a horrible 2008 season. At one point, I wished we had that bastard Rocky Cherry back. That's how bad Hart was. Yet when we put him on the mound as a starter, he suddenly pulls a Rain Main and becomes hyper-competent. He had only one walk, which was surprising as I doubted his ability to throw a strike on purpose at this time last year. I'm starting to think that we could put any asshole out there on the mound and as long as we tell him he's the starter, he'll have a nice 6-inning, 1 run day. I say we try Jake Fox next.

Aaron Heilman later gave up 2 home runs in what was supposed to be a mop-up role in the top of the 9th. I need to remember not to drive through the city with my windows open when Aaron Heilman is pitching. I'm fairly certain there's a perfectly nice Polish grandmother in the Mayfair neighborhood who is convinced that someone in a truck told her to go fuck herself.

Sunday: Cubs 5, Reds 2

What's Japanese for "I'm embarassed for both of us"?

For some reason, the local media have got some weird Farmer's Almanac shit in their heads about Rich Harden's ability to pitch. Oh, they say, he's great. But only when he pitches at night. On the road. Under a blood moon. When the local cattle sleep facing northward. Oh, and he's gotta wear the alternate blues.

Well, at home, during the day, rocking the pinstripes, the Canadian did just fine, going a Harden-like 6 and dominating the confused-looking Reds all day. Except for Joey Votto. That guy's just one sick son of a bitch.

Milton Bradley's plate-slapping slide into home on Soriano's hit to the wall was a sweet piece of baserunning, and later we got extremely lucky on a terrible, terrible call at the plate that ended with Edwin Encarnacion being tagged out and Dusty experiencing the symptoms of PMDD. It was an excellent game to watch on a beautiful Sunday, and the double-play putout (my favorite play in baseball) finally took care of the last vestiges of my hangover. Finally, the Cubs are relieving my headaches and nausea, instead of causing them.

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WAIW Cubs Blog Roundtable 18: Buy This Man a Beer

We at WAIW are lucky enough to be acquainted with the operators of a bunch of excellent Cubs blogs. Every Friday throughout the 2009 season, we're going to bring as many of them as we can together to share their thoughts on being Cubs fans. This week - who you'd like to have a beer with:

As Steve's killer interview/anecdote recently demonstrated, it's still possible to have a beer with (or in close proximity to) one of your childhood baseball heroes. Yet some players seem to lend themselves to a shot and a beer more than others. Billy Williams is one of the greatest players of all time, but doesn't seem like he'd be the kind to enjoy some Old Style and Malort on the porch at Mullen's. Rod Beck might be better known as a Giant, but you know he'd be down not only for the drinking session, but for the egg and chroizo tacos afterward. What Cub, present or past, would you most like to have a beer with? What makes you think they'd be good company? And most importantly, what do you think they'll be drinking?


Ace

would love to have a beer or twelve with Carlos Zambrano and Milton Bradley. Can you imagine the hijinx/felonies that you would get to observe firsthand?

WPBC

The guy who I think would be fun to have a drink with is Rick Sutcliffe. He has so many funny stories from his times with the Cubs. I would just sit back and listen and order him whatever the hell he wanted. I imagine Sutcliffe would drink a few cold ones or a martini or three depending on the time of day.

Jen

I wish I was the type of person to give you some sort of response to evoke nostalgic imagery of a heartwarming Field of Dreams/Cheers crossover, but I've got to be true to myself. Given the choice, I'd pick chugging some El Presidente with Aramis Ramirez before engaging in some heavy petting in the back room of a cock fight at 3:00 in the morning.

More After the jump



Ted Lilly Fan Club

Some might suspect that being the Ted Lilly Fan Club would lend itself to desiring to hang out with Ted Lilly, but those Some would be dead. f'ing. wrong. You see, Tedheads, we value life and all of its trappings: The smell of Fall, the sound of the ocean, Ranch dressing (low-fat of course--it's bathing suit season afrer all), and playing video games online with high school kids who live halfway around the world. If we met Ted Lilly, or even found ourselves in close proximity of the man (note, Ted isn't actually a Man, he's immortal) our heads would explode from failure to comprehend TLs glory - essentially the last scene in Dogma, but without Jay and Silent Bob, but strangely with Damon, Afleck, and Alanis Morrisette as they constitute the penultimate TLFC goin' out posse.

Now, when we want to 'let off some 'FC steam' we only go to upscale Ultra Lounges and high end pulsing rave clubs, so our Cub of leasiure needs to be someone we'd want to hang out with at these privledged establishments. In that light, the answer is simple: Mike Fontenot. We've seen FonteYes at raves and know he spider dances with a pacifer and glow sticks as good as anyone. He's our guy. Plus, given that he's smaller than the average bear, his size would immediately disarm any wary female TedHeads who were suspcious of our actions. Next thing you know, the four of us (FontenYes, TLFC and the two ladies) are eating late night waffles at the Golden Nugget while wearing formal wear and watching the sun rise.

Ginger Russ

It took me a while to come up with the answer for this question, as I've been pondering it all week (yes, I have no life). As a Cubs fan, it would be a great honor to sit down and have a beer (Lagunita's Hop Stoopid, the Official Beer of COI) with a great Cubs legend.

At first I instantly thought of Ryne Sandberg, my hero. But then, Ryno doesn't seem like he's thrown back too many pints in his day. He's more of a steak dinner, wine and good conversation guy. So I had to think of someone else. Someone who was around when I watched the Cubs. Speaking to Mr. Cub or Three Finger would be great, but I wouldn't be able to have those memories of them playing if they talked about their times with the Cubs.

Next I thought of Mark Grace. I always liked Gracey as a Cub, but then I remembered that I actually saw him out at a bar in Scottsdale once. He didn't seem that approachable, and the bar that we were at was a little too "high class" for me. Honestly, I don't know how I got dragged there, or better yet how I got in. I'm more of a dive bar type of guy. So fuck Gracey.

Then I thought of the two greatest drinkers in Cubs history (that I can remember): Rob Beck and Harry Caray. Both would be great to have a drink with, and even though John did say present or past, he didn't say dead.

So after much self-searching and debate I came up with Big Z. Then I remembered, I don't speak Spanish. So along the same lines, I chose Kid K, Kerry Wood. Being from Texas, I'm sure Woody has had a few benders in his day. Plus he seems like a pretty decent guy that would be willing to talk about the Cubs with a fan if he had the time. He even acknowledged me when I yelled at him during spring training this year with a quick peace sign, and you know he has a sense of humor by when he flipped off some fans last year

Of course, we would probably have to go somewhere that played country music, but I guess I could survive that for a couple hours in such a circumstance. Being from Texas, he would probably drinking Bud Heavy (that's regular Budweiser, none of that light shit) and throwing back a couple shots of Sammy Hagar's Cabo Wabo tequila. After some beers and shots, we would head over to the local lanes and roll a couple frames.

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It Could Be Worse: Mets OF Escapes Ball of Death

As bleak as things look occasionally, at least our outfielders aren't reacting to the ball in this manner:

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Cubs 10 - Phillies 5: SweeeSTOP

"I had tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, there were no white onions back then, because of the war. All you could get were those big yellow ones. So anyway ..."

Like my kitchen floor, the Cubs remain mercifully unswept. Unlike my floor, we are not likely to catch meningitis from the Cubs. Although I rule out nothing if we don't find someone who can hit to play second. Jeff Baker is hitting .200 since coming here, and Impostor Malibu Mike continues to see extremely frustrating playing time. But the important thing is that the Cubs did something we can all feel good about - they beat the bejeezus out of the elderly Jamie Moyer (8H, 5R in 5 innings). I haven't felt this good about elder abuse since that episode of Magnum PI with the old man/old lady Nazi war criminals.

More after the jump

Zambrano cares not for your onion belt story.

Zambrano won his third decision in a row, bringing his record up to 7-4. It's not unrealistic to think he has a chance at winning a respectable 15. Especially if he can win every time he gives up 10 hits and 5 runs in less than 7 innings of work. He's still rocking a solidly respectable 3.48 ERA and the second-lowest WHIP among our starters. For all the local media PMDD over him, he's not had a bad year.

Aramis Ramirez hit a big 2-run double, and I'd like to tell you that it made me incredibly happy. He's always been one of my favorite players, despite the fact that he plays defense like Hellen Keller covered in Icy Hot. I'm not convinced he's going to suddenly become the Christlike figure to lead the team to the head of the division, but it's nice to see him out there rocking the little league coach shades again.

A rare picture of Fonzie cleanly fielding a ball hit to him in left. Next up: Pictures of the Sasquatch, the Chupacabara, and Zack De La Rocha's solo album.

Yesterday wasn't a great win - sweep avoidance is rarely glamorous - but hopefully it inflated us with enough false hope to keep screaming invective at the TV when the offense can't get things going. To hope!

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Crimes Against Commerce Wednesday: Autographs Are Stupid

Welcome to my new Wednesday feature, where we examine the dark side of merchandising.



Item Description

Mounted Memories Chicago Cubs Mark Prior Framed Autographed(Cubs)(MLB) 16x20 Photo
The Sports Authority
$379.99

Analysis after the jump. Also, hilarious laughter.



Even though I've loved sports since I was a kid, I never understood the whole autograph marketplace. Don't get me wrong, I think it's cool to meet a player and get a ball or hat or something signed. I'm currently looking at my Lou Piniella signed baseball from when I met him in January 08. It's a nice keepsake, and provides my beige cube with the illusion of personality.



Wherein the Author proves his neutrality on the subject. Also: Hellboy!

What I'm critical of is the commodification of soulless, stamped out autographs between individuals who have never gotten within 100 miles of the player in question. I understand I'm in the minority here, as it's a multimillion dollar industry. And certainly a lot of autographs are given as thoughtful gifts. But there are far too many man-children lurking with silver sharpies and treating the entire concept as some sort of fucked up futures market. "Hope Ryan Leaf dies - my signed Chargers helmet will skyrocket in value." Of course this is just an example - no one pays money for Ryan Leaf stuff.



Poor Shawon Dunston. Spells his name S, h, apostrophe, 7, heiroglyph.

My point is that where kids used to be able to wait for Ryno or the Hawk or Mr. Cub near the player's lot, a bunch of sharp-elbowed assholes with eBay accounts have ruined the ability of kids to casually meet their favorite player and take something from the experience. When I was a kid, you could walk down to the bullpen (through rows of empty seats, mind you) and thrust your program and a Bic at the nearest tomato can reliever. Tell your kids to try that shit these days and watch them get speared by a surprisingly spry elderly usher. Why? Because people stopped seeing autographs as a memento of a meeting with someone they looked up to, and started seeing them as ink-scribbled dollar signs. A damnable shame.



Yes, the signed photo is a bad idea, but there are worse ones.

So now we come face to face with the ugly truth - when the dust has cleared, you've got a stupid 8x10, devoid of personality, for almost four hundred bucks. Why does the Sports Authority keep this in stock, while failing to provide for purchase any Blackhawks hats that fit my XL-sized head? Truly a (deep, echo-y announcer voice) Crime Against Commerce ...

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Phillie (win in) the 13th

Jeff Samardzija begins another day of loneliness

Tuesday nights are bargain movie night at the movie theater on Western in Chicago, which entails a $6 fee in exchange for admission and popcorn. Planning on seeing the 9:40 Public Enemies, I figured that, with the 6 pm start I would be able to also catch the entire game. Then the Cubs did what I should no longer be surprised at: wasted a great starting pitching effort by giving no run support and losing in extra innings. Oh ya, and Dillinger dies.

More spoilers after the jump. (Editor's Note: Jump not working for me and I have already wasted 30 minutes trying to figure it out. But I really wanted to keep that line. So, pretend you clicked)

John had asked me what I thought about our chances of Harden after our All-Star had his worst start of the season. I replied that conventional wisdom would dictate he would throw a no-hitter. While not quite accurate, he did pitch 7 solid innings, only allowing 4 hits and 1 run. And John laughed at me. I heard that because his records are so much better at night and on the road, they are going to try to minimize day games as much as possible, and avoid the getaway days on the road. Hell, whatever works. Stranger things have happened; I mean…According to Jim is still on the air.

Ooooo John's girlfriend is going to be so pissed about this reference!

Now, I left at the end of the 10^th inning to go to the movies. Checked the score once before the movie started and saw it was still 1-1 in the top of the 13^th. As the movie began, I felt the phone ring and tried to ignore it. Unfortunately, with the Blackberry every present red flashing light when there is an unread message, combined with the face that I was wearing linen shorts, this proved more difficult. Rather than be that asshole that is texting, I shut down the phone without reading the message. I figured it was about the Cubs, but, goddammit, Johnny Depp waits for no one. So I waiting 2 and a half hours to find this message from John: “You’re favorite blew it for us, want to recap.” My mind began racing of who the sarcastic favorite could possibly be? Did A-Ram make a fielding gaff? Did Soriano drop another routine fly ball? Opening up the recap on cubs.com, I saw immediately what he meant with in the first two words: Jeff Samardzija. I hate Notre Dame. I hate Notre Dame fans. And I especially hate Notre Dame fans that rushed out and bought green Cubs Samardzija jerseys. You look like even a bigger asshole now, which is a tough task. So, Jeffy (got tired of trying to remember how to spell your last name), go back to Boise or Iowa, because your two pitches just aren’t cutting it anymore.

Due to quality start, spared from mockery

Oh, Cubs lost, 4 to 1.

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Baseball Cards - America in Your Hand

Shit yes, I'd like gravy with that.

A few weeks ago, the lady and I went down to my beloved Tennessee to see yet another of my college friends get married. The best thing about Southern weddings? They're all catered by barbecue restaurants. It's a state law or something. The second best thing? Stopping at Cracker Barrel. Nowhere else can you gorge your fat pie hole with enough food to sate Marlon Brando for less than 10 bones. You get your food in 10 minutes or less, you can get okra, sweet tea, and country fried steak, and then buy Moon Pies to cap it off. It's enough to make a Yankee pancreas cry.

Every time a Chicagoan orders a vegetarian entree, this plate of food strangles a lab monkey.

But the real point I mean to make is that they still sell baseball cards. Notably, the Topps 1960 edition. New timey players with that old timey look. Do they make these things solely to please 20-something bloggers with a hankering for biscuits and gravy?

Step back into your childhood, after the jump.

Childhood and adulthood brought together in a way that doesn't include an ironic t-shirt.

Either way, I had to have them. Sure, I'm an adult with my own money, but I needed to acquire these in a legitimate manner. So naturally, I walked up to my girlfriend with two packs and said "will you get me these? Pleeeeease?" And motherfucker if it didn't work. Difficult as it may have been, I waited until I was home to the comfort of my coffee table to open them.

Baseball card gum and Matt Sinatro. Someone read my letter to Penthouse.

First thing, I noticed a good news/bad news thing. Yes, there was gum, but it was WRAPPED! SACRILEGE! And without the taste of card ink, staleness, and wax wrapper soaked in, you could actually taste the crappy gum. I call this a wash. What really piqued my interest was the fact that I got a Cubs card. Now, just like when I was a kid, all I cared about was getting the Cubs cards. And it just so happened to be Matt Sinatro, the sexist member of the Cubbies, and 8th sexist first base coach of all time according to the Museum of Baseball Erotica. Let's breathe that in a little more.

Awwwwwwwwwwwww, yeah.

Ah, that's the stuff. Poor Rothschild and Trammell, sharing space with a legend like that. Anyway, after that it was a lot of Dodgers, Orioles, and Red Sox. I achieved no further Cubdom, which was a shame. But that's not to say the experience wasn't excellent on its own. For example, I got a signed (for real!) Buddy Gilbert card.

Who is Buddy Gilbert? Fuck you, that's who. I got me an autograph.

The capper? The next one. Oh, you got a Geovany Soto card? Tough shit, I got A MOTHERFUCKING MISSILE!!! KAPOW, MOTHERFUCKER!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Also in the series - the Washington monument, trains going into tunnels, big cucumbers.

So I didn't get D.Lee, A-Ram or Kosuke. All that means is I need to buy more packs. Hopefully the next one has Sweet Lou, Carlos Zambrano, and THE MOTHERFUCKING H-BOMB! I love baseball.

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20 Things Less Painful Than Last Night's Game

Given his track record, it's pretty clear that last night's performance by Ted Lilly was a fluke. Maybe his knee was bothering him more than he let on, maybe it was the fact that he hadn't pitched for over a week. But either way, that was one horrendous ass-kicking we endured, and the word fluke doesn't make that fact go away.

Being a Cubs fan is pain, and having grown up with the team, Steve and I have become experts on the subject. So in lieu of a recap (which would be mighty damn dull given our pathetic performance), we'll give you 20 things less painful than last night's game.

1. Staying up late to watch your beloved Cardinals, all the while knowing that the Denny's isn't going to assistant-manage itself at 6:30 tomorrow morning.

2. Finding your uncle's cache of Sailor Moon/Miami Vice erotic fan fiction.

3. Breaking your arm, enabling you to throw 100+ MPH, then breaking it again during a pennant race with your fat, hairy nemesis at the plate. THROW THE FLOATER, HENRY!

4. Knowing you'll never be half as smooth as Glenn Beckert.

5. Drinking during the post-game press conference each time Lou says "look," or "listen."

15 more after the jump.



6. Trying to explain the concept of infinity to a toddler. Alternately, teaching fielding technique to Alfonso Soriano.

7. Trying to explain to a baseball neophyte why exactly Fukudome spins around after striking out. I mean, shit, you have no idea yourself.

8. Knowing you spent that $149 on the official Milton Bradley jersey back in April.

9. There's ... ummm ... this. I couldn't bring myself to embed.

10. Booting up Oregon Trail on the trusty Apple II, only to die of dysentery five minutes in.

11. Actually dying of dysentery on the real life Oregon Trail.

12. Getting your face punched by a player who later turns out to be a whiny pansy and gets his ass kicked in turn by a Venezuelan pitcher. Just hypothetically.

13. Showing up to Lillith Fair in your "Drunk Chicks Dig Me" shirt.

14. Those FUCKING TIM ALLEN COMMERCIALS ABOUT STUPID FUCKING SHITTY MICHIGAN. ASS HELL BITCH SKASHGKLAHSGKHASGHASGHASKLGHA:SGH:KASGH

15. Any 3 Black Eyed Peas songs, played sequentially while you're in line at the DMV. For your prostate exam.

16. Unlicensed dentistry.

17. Reflecting for more than six seconds on the popularity of Twilight.

18. Listening to someone from New York tell you how awesome it is to pay $1800 for a studio in Brooklyn and $14 for a bad turkey sandwich. Or just listening to them talk at all.

19. Knowing that in this era of unparalleled education, vaccination, and shoe availability, people still choose to be Sox fans.

20. Coming up with a list of 20 things before 7 in the morning to put a creative spin on the fact that your team sucked ass when confronted with a non-Washington Nationals squad.

See what I did there with the last one? Sorta like cheating, isn't it?

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Cubs Media Monday: All Red Heads Drink

In honor of WAIW meeting over the weekend with the Rick Sutcliffe, we have chosen Rick's drunken interview with the San Diego announcing crew. This reminds me of the good old days, when Harry would sit in the bleachers and drink Bud after Bud until he didn't realize a game was still happening. Here's to you, Red Baron, you announce like I think. George Clooney!

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WAIW Exclusive Interview: Rick Sutcliffe

WAIW Meets Sutcliff in a haze of too many Fat Tires

Living close to Wrigleyville affords one certain opportunities such as the ability to see multiple Polo shirts on one man or watching a girl walking home the morning after a night game with a jean skirt and Cubs tank top on as you are on your way to the L for your morning commute. And occasionally, you get to see Cubs legends in the bars around the area. Friday night was such a night, with Rick Sutcliffe and Rascal Flatts hanging out at Murphy's Bleachers. Quickly brushing Rascal Flatts aside, I only cared about the legend - The Red Baron himself. See the exclusive WAIW interview after the jump.

Steve: Hey Rick, you are one of my favorite players of all-time, can I get a picture with you?

Rick: Absolutely, my man.

Steve: What brings you to Murphy's tonight?

Rick: In town for Rascal Flatts man!

Steve: What about Murphy's makes it your place?

Rick: Aww man, I'll tell you what. It was the 1984 season and the owner, he dedicated the apartment upstairs for my personal use. Ever since then man...

Steve: That's awesome, have a great night.

In addition to being a great guy that was going around the room talking to anyone that wanted to say hello, he filled us in on two important nuggets: Sutcliffe is a country music fan that liked to get freaky above Murphy's Bleachers while winning Cy Youngs.

That, my friends, is the dream.

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Weekend Recap: Love Those Washington Nationals

"It's almost like a real sweep!"

This weekend was the franchise's first 4-game road sweep since 1997. The last similarly vanquished opponent? The Montreal Expos. Nice. I wish we could play AAA teams every week. Owing to the fact that everyone else had to play actual, honest to god professional baseball teams, we're now in second place, up on the Milwaukee Chunkies by a game and two back from the StL MeTH DeaLerS.

Learn how we trimphantly did so, after the jump.



Friday, W, 3-1

"Seriously, I have no idea who this guy is. How long have I been on the DL?"

"Carlos Zambrano is so unperdictable/selfish/distracting." We hear that tired old song more often than a St Louis fan hears "STOP RESISTING!" But on Friday, he won the game with both his arm and his bat for the second start in a row. It's exactly what he's paid to do, and he did it without getting the tampons of Phil Rogers in a twist. I'm perfectly happy with this.


Saturday - W, 6-5

That's what she ... gestured? You know, because she was deaf and only knew sign language?

You know how every series, a team has a chance to win at least one game? Maybe the dominant team is off their game, or maybe the underdog gets to the starter early. Both happened Saturday, and the Nats still managed to fuck it up and lose. Saturday would have been brutal if I were a Nationals fan, but then again, so would every day.
Randy Wells looked mighty ordinary, giving up 7 hits and 4 runs over 5 innings, yet still got the win. Shut down the Brewers and Dodgers, get a big fat No Decision, come within a hair's breadth of imploding to the worst franchise in baseball, get the W. Makes sense.
There was a lot of bullpen work in this game, and while Marmol and Marshall had their hiccups, no one on this team looks worse than Aaron Heilman. Watching him pitch is as terrifying and pathetic on a performance level as watching morbidly obese people have sex. Nice work, Heilman ... or should I say BOBBY HOWRY! Thought you could fool us? Nice try, suckass.
On the plus side, every position but the pitcher got a hit. If Nats-quality pitching is all is takes for Fuku to consistently hit, then ... um, that might not be a good hypothetical.

Sunday - W, 11-3

"That's it. I'm giving DeVry a call."

Of course the biggest inning of the season comes against a team that can only be described as the LA Clippers of baseball. I'd gone to the movie theater before the game started, with the expectation of catching the last few innings. It might still be a game. Hell, we almost lost one the day before.
As it played out, by the time I walked out of the theater, wondering how Harry Potter would get revenge on Hans Gruber, it was 11-2. I ended up sipping a Shiner Bock while watching the DC squad trudge through the last 3 with all the gusto of a 19 year old high school dropout playing Chucky Cheese in a sweaty oversized outfit. I haven't seen people so demoralized since my undergraduate colleagues in the English department were forced to graduate and join the real world.
Oh, and Soriano hit another homer. Yawn.

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WAIW Cubs Blog Roundtable, Week 17: I Want YOU

We at WAIW are lucky enough to be acquainted with the operators of a bunch of excellent Cubs blogs. Every Friday throughout the 2009 season, we're going to bring as many of them as we can together to share their thoughts on being Cubs fans. This week - who is it you think would fix the Cubs?:

You've just seen the game's best players participate in the two days pageantry that was the All Star festivities. Clearly the Cubs were not out in full force. Some think that we need to shake things up. If you could have one player from any team, who do you think would right the ship at Addison and Clark. And who on the team would you be willing to give up?

Jen

How about somebody we might actually be able to acquire…Freddy Sanchez? Pittsburgh hasn’t been entirely clear on what they are seeking in return but surely we could package together something around a member or two in our army (or rather, "short bus") of middle infielders. Though the way this year is going, if he managed to keep his numbers up in a Cubs uni, Freddy would probably end up on the DL after snagging one of his moles on the batting cages.

- Jen writes Cub Blogging, and has just made us throw away breakfast with that unseemly mole business.



Ace

Given the makeup of the current team, Chase Utley would look pretty sweet at second base. And whom to give up? The minors. All of it.

- Ace does The Cubs Brickyard and Bleacher Nation, and is clearly underestimating the worth of top prospects like Wellington Castillo, Jason Waddell, and Muschko. For shame.

Jay

My first thought was to trade Mike Fontenot to the Marlins for Hanley Ramirez which would allow Theriot to switch over to second base. Let's face it though, that's absurd. I forgot about the obvious problem of the Cubs being too right-handed. The Cubs would never trade a left-handed hitter for a right-handed hitter and I feel foolish for even suggesting it.

Therefore, I'll go with Fontenot for Utley. Yeah, that should do it.

- Jay, of Bush League Times, utilized the popular "it's a video game, so I can trade whoever I want" school of management. Bravo!

Wrigleyville

Interesting question, because the natural answer is the best player in baseball - Albert Pujols. That said, adding Albert wouldn't necessarily improve the Cubs as much as adding Chase Utley or Ian Kinsler at second base.

That said, I would add Albert Pujols. He's pretty good.

As for who would I be willing to give up? There's really not an answer to that because there's no scenario where the Cubs can trade for Pujols, is there? This isn't fantasy baseball.

- Wrigleyville23. Visit it! Yes, I'm tired at this point in the clever bylines game. Want to fight?

Ginger Russ

The Cubs need Albert Pujols. There, I said it.

I feel dirty now though. I take that back.

No, I'm sticking to my guns. The Cubs need offense. Pujols is the best hitter in baseball. Joe Morgan told me so. We all hated Lassie Edmonds when he came to the Cubs, but he seemed to work out, kinda. We can learn to like Pujols, can't we?

What should we give up? I hear the people in St. Louis like crack. And free dentist exams. And All-You-Can-Eat Roadkill Buffets. Throw in Lee as well, we have a backup first baseman in HoffPOWER. Give back Miles as well, little sh!t hasn't helped this team one bit. Might as well throw in Bradley too, he's worthless. Speaking of worthless, do they need a left fielder who likes to hop? How about a Canadian that does impersonations? Or an Obama look-a-like?

Who are we kidding, this team needs more than just one player to turn things around. It NEEDS Mark DeRosa. Come back to us Mark. We promise to give you our wives and girlfriends, they think about you when we're making whoopee anyways. Why did Hendry ever let you go? WHY!?!

- College of Idiots idiot and TMS intern Ginger Russ has some unresolved issues with DeRosa. And possibly his medication. Word.

Corey

I have to go with the obvious choice. I would do just about anything to have Albert Pujols with the Cubs. As fans of the team in the other dugout when Pujols is playing, we have seen what he's capable of. He's still young and one of the most consistent and dangerous players in baseball. I suppose it's kind of easy to say that I'd like the guy that's probably the best player in baseball, but that's who I'd take.

- Corey, Ivy Envy. Yep, that's all I got.

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Cubs 6 - Nationals 2: Welcome Back, Baseball

Ah, white guys awkwardly celebrating in public. A true classic.

After a half week of montages about how great baseball was, network features on how great baseball was, and columns about how great recognizing the greatness of baseball is, I was more than ready for some gritty Chicago pessimism. Lost in the 40 minute pregames and presidential pitches was the fact that the Cubs have spent half the season pissing the shit out of us. And I'll take that grim reality over the bullshit saccharine pageantry of the All Star game any day. Thankfully, the picture is wayyyyy bleaker for the Washington Nationals, newly 26-62 after an ass-stomping courtesy of our Boys in Blue. Read about it, after the jump.

I like to think every time he does this, he's thinking "Hoffpauir THIS, bitch!"

Of course, it's not to say that tonight's game was easy. For a long time, it was the Cusb leading by a run or two. It wasn't until the 9th that our hitters decided to get all unconscionable on their asses. Reed Johnson, Ryan Theriot, and Derrek Lee (ANOTHER homer! Woooo!) did most of the heavy lifting, with a timely hit and run by Sam Fuld and a solid insurance RBI by Koyie Hill. Sad Trombones all around for Bradley (0-5), A-Ram (0-3)Kevin Gregg. While Gregg only gave up 1 run to take it to 6-2, his pitch location suggested that he had earlier eaten a tuna salad sandwich left in the trunk of a car in Miami for a week.

Jim Riggleman in a Nats uni looks ... odd. He oversaw the glory days of Kevin Foster, Glenallen Hill, and Mickey Morandini.

What's encouraging is that we just took down the Nationals' ace (yes, there is apparently such a thing) and won't be seeing another Nats pitcher with an ERA under 4.50. I can dig that. A sweep would be nice - I used to remember what that felt like. Let's keep the murder train going tomorrow.

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