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Sunday, May 31, 2009
Joe Morgan: Drinking on the Job
Labels: ESPN, EvilRead More »»
Friday, May 29, 2009
Cubs Return To Early-Week Form
Labels: Dodgers, L, Randy Wells, Recap

WAIW Cubs Blog Roundtable, Week 10: "Buttons are Overrated"

We at WAIW are lucky enough to be acquainted with the operators of a bunch of excellent Cubs blogs. Every Friday throughout the 2009 season, we're going to bring as many of them as we can together to share their thoughts on being Cubs fans. This week - snazzy duds!:
Given the amount of effort put into last week's question, we're going to do a full reversal into the most vapid topic of all - fashion! Apart from the classic pinstripe look, the Cubs have worn a number of different jersey styles over the years. Which one do you want to see back in the lineup? Maybe you dug the dark blue road pullovers of the 80s teams, maybe you long for a return to the classic look of no names on jerseys, or maybe you're batshit insane and want to see the powder-blue pinstripe shirts back on the field more than anything. What one style are you bringing back?
For reference, we used this excellent article from GROTA
Ginger Russ
Buttons are so overrated. I would go with the jerseys used after the 1982 season, particularly the blue road version. Probably because this is the jersey that I grew up on, and it brings me back to watching the Cubs on my 13" b/w tv in my room on Saturday afternoons while my Dad watched NASCAR on the tv in the living room. I hate auto racing.
My other vote (just like in Chicago elections, I get as many votes as I please) would be for the 1908 jerseys. Not because they are cool, which they aren't, but because that is the last f--king time the Cubs won the GD world series. If bringing back those jerseys does something to help to the Cubs win it all, whatever.
BTW, when are we getting those camo jerseys?
- Ginger Russ comes to us from College of Idiots, where they've just now upgraded to color television. Still hating NASCAR, though.
Bush League Times
Jay: As honored as I was to finally get a seat at the roundtable, I have to admit I had to defer here. Since I am as color blind as they come, I was afraid I say something embarrassing like "I like the pink ones from 1982" so I sent this inquiry to the BLT Fashion Expert, Dan O'Clock.
Dan: I have to go with 1908 for obvious reasons, right?
- It's the only jersey they ever won anything in
- It's the only one with a real collar. I think that falls under the rules of Business Casual, I could wear that to work
- Pinstripes on the road hat?? That had to intimidate the home crowds
- It was obviously the first socks ever designed by Adidas. Luckily with time they've refined and mastered the whole 3 stripe thing
- Interesting note about the 1908 jersey. Although it's not shown, these uniforms had a trap door on the backside for in-between inning bathroom breaks.
- You can't tell me that Zambrano wouldn't look great in this jersey
- On a separate note, how did GROTA get David Patton to model all of the jerseys?
- Read Jay and Dan at the Bush League Times, or if you're in the mood for something more mature, check out Jay's recommendation for more adult reading
CCD
when it comes to the uniform, i'm pretty much a traditionalist. button down shirt.
i like the look of the current home uniform, i'd like to see a few tweaks. lose the names on the back and the red piping around the numbers. just a simple blue number on the back like they wore in the 60's, 70's and 80's. finally, i'd like to see them change the patch on the sleeve. (more on that later.)
as far as the road look goes. it's not bad, but not great. the cubs have changed road uniforms alot, and i salute the team for at least sticking with this incarnation for 10 years.. buti'd scrap the current version. i'd like to see the cubs go back to a modern version of this. this simple road greys that they wore from in the 40's and early 50's.
sorry z, but I hate the alternate blue jerseys, i'd get rid of those altogether and simply wear the blue pinstripes at home and the road greys away from the confines.
finally, in a salute to the 60's and 70's I'd like to see this logo back on the arms.
- CCD runs Waxpaperbeercup, and has excellent taste is sleeve logos
Ace
Knee-high socks, knee-high socks, KNEE-HIGH SOCKS!!!!! It should be mandatory, dude.
- Ace devotes his time, and his love, to Bleacher Nation, The Cubs Brickyard, and the old-timey stylings of Vaudeville
Ted Lilly Fan Club
If we had to pick a jersey style from the past, we’d opt for the dark blue roadies from the 1980s. However, to be honest, we’d like to go a different direction and suggest our own TLFC-ified version of the Cubs Jersey—something that we call the Legion of Doom jersey.
We’ll start with the color—black. Sure, we all know that our main color is Cubbie Blue but we think that we need to ratchet up the intensity and go w/ black to really freak out other teams. Now, if contractually, we need to stay with blue, we’ll need to work with Crayola to come up with a new type of blue—like death blue or disembodiment blue which will combine with the black. Next—we come to sleeves—let’s rip em off. No sleeves on this jersey. Sure—odds are that we’ll look like a bunch of Sigma Chi frat guys dieseling out at the gym before a Fall Barn Dance but it’ll be worth it when opponents get free tickets to the gun show every game. Third, instead of a baseball-playing bear or cute teddy bear-type logo—we’ll replace it with a “Grizzly Man”-type picture of a bear ripping an animal or human to shreds. Finally, and this one might not pass MLB standards, we’d throw on some spikes ala WWF’s Road Warriors to complete the outfit. Viola—the Cubs Legion of Doom jersey.
- We would be lying if we didn't think that The Ted Lilly Fan Club would come up with something resembling battle armor. Well done, chaps.
Jen
I generally tremble at the idea of change but I wouldn't protest a slightly modernized version of the '08s - 1908s, that is. It's based on my fondness for the morbidly obese bear silhouette logo and a working theory that fashion wins World Series (screw pitching).
- Jen from Cub Blogging is still recovering from her brush with greatness this week (greatness = Matt Sinatro).
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Cubs 5 - Pirates 2: Zambrano SMASH
Labels: Carlos Zambrano, Neal Cotts, Reed Johnson, WSee that "Zambrano SMASH" headline? I'm fairly certain that it's not the first time I've used that. Nor the second time. Possibly the third time. But whatever - dude SMASH. It's what he does. The good thing was that his pitching was as up to form as his shit-storming. And as such, our Boys in Blue rode the bundle of raging hormones to their second win in two games. I'll take it. F the man.


Other Business

- WAIW would like to send a "So Long, Suckass" to Neal Cotts. Of course, given that we called up a AAA lefty reliever with a 5+ era in place of Cottsy, it my be a case of so long, suckass/hello, suckass! But at least we'll get a new guy to hate.
- It might have been against the Pirates, but it was nice to see Andres Blanco and Jake Fox make a splash in their first game up. Modern-day Paul Bunyan Bobby Scales got sent down after catching the flu, but he'll surely be back soon, saving babies and inspiring ballads.
- Again, fuck you, Neal Cotts. Enjoy AAA. You deserve Iowa, if only because they won't send you to the Tennessee Smokes. And since I love Tennessee, I think you should be in Daytona with the floppy-boobed aging biker ladies and Ed Hardy-wearing amateur tattoo artists. I hope you never make it back to the Cubs. The Cardinals, yes, but not the Cubs.
- Excellent baserunning by Geo Soto on the 4-2 insurance run. It's a refreshing sight after having to watch The Riot take to the basepaths like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man.
- Neal Cotts,you suck enough to deserve every other bullet point detailing such.
- The nice part about 8 losses in a row is that it makes 2 wins in a row seem sweet as hell. Go Cubs go! Read More »»
Marshall Picks up 3rd Win, God 2nd Save
Is Sean Marshall: a) drying is bat b) wetting his bat c) itching his clap
Last night we saw the first complete game by a Cubs pitcher (albeit with the game called in the 6th inning, it is the equivalent of winning by the slaughter rule in RBI Baseball – it’s a whole new ballgame once you take out your starting pitcher). That being said, in addition to solid pitching, Marshall also made some great defensive plays and got an RBI (after rubbing the magic stick, as depicted above). It’s amazing how good this team can be if we exclude our bullpen from a game. If MLB switched their rules to my softball league, where the game is seemingly called at random by some pissed off umpire (granted we did give up 17 runs in the first inning, but I feel we were on the verge of a comeback), we would be unstoppable.

This message is blatant propaganda from the #2 agenda: #2 on the bat, #2 on the jersey, and a big #2 on the swing
Tuesday’s game also marked the second time we got a win due it being shortened because of rain. In my opinion, it couldn’t have come at a better time, with the 8 game losing streak and all. If it is cheap, so be it. When you lose 8 in a row, you stop caring about purity of the game, and just want a damn win. It was nice to see a balanced attack, with everyone contributing. Being the ever optimist, I think catching a break last night will help us spur a winning streak, with the rubber match against the Pirates and the Manny-less Dodgers coming in over the weekend (in which Juan Pierre is inexplicably hitting over .400…guess we can’t win them all…at least we don’t have Craig Monroe batting clean-up!), I hope to God (and his perfect save record) we can go on a little run. I know people say it’s still early, but we are over a quarter through the season, so that excuse is just about over.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Attn: Cubs Zone - Don't Spam Us
Labels: controversy, Evil, ThunderdomeI'm not sure how many of you read our comments section, but I find the comments to be perhaps my favorite part of doing the blog. Trust me, we're still stunned anyone not related to us or romantically involved with us (and yes, those are mutually exclusive) reads us on the regular. But enough with the false modesty, let us do what we do best ... BLOG FIGHT!!!
You see, I do really enjoy 99 percent of comments to our blog. Yet one individual, either a lonely spam bot or a desperate blogger, decided to aggravate us in a very 1998-era Geocities manner last week. The name of this spam-bot and/or hooker-bot was Louise. And while that name usually conjures within us images of adorable old-people Cubs fans (and we loves us the old people Cubs fans), this time it conjured images of Nigerian princes and all-natural Penis Pills. Observe the so-called impromptu comment:
The Cubs should be competitive enough to keep pace with the others teams. I really like the Cubs . They’ve always been one of my favourite MLB teams to watch. I pass most time watching and looking for their news and videos. Last time I saw some hot videos of them here:
http://www.cubszone.comThey really deserve our love so we must not stop supporting them .Go Go Cubs
Go Go Cubs indeed. And while I usually support dyslexic bloggers (Dream your follow!), this was just tacky as fuck. Usually I wouldn't re-post the name of the blog in question, but honestly, I don't think we'll contribute much to their resurgence. For crap's sake, look at some of the rotating banners they still have on the site.

Daryle Ward and Rich Hill make up 50 percent of their rotating banners. The other two? That'd be Ryan The Riot and AAA player Jake Fox. Why robo-Louise chose these, I have no idea. But you'd think she/it would have changed them since ... you know ... fucking winter. But maybe she was just busy on the spam campaign for her message boards, which haven't seen a post since since 10/13/2008. Or her blog, which, as near as I can tell, hasn't posted since November '99. Or her Cubs blog roll, which features the most recent news, "Alfonso Soriano Goes on the DL." Of course my favorite would have to be the poll. While we here at WAIW are not one to cast stones through our own glass houses, Louise asks "Who should the cubs start at Best Pitchers?" which gives the choices of Dempster Baby, Scott Eyre (gone to the Phillies mid-last summer), Angel Guzman, Kevin Hart (... really?), and Rich Hill (difficult to start for Best Pitchers when he's with the Orioles). Seriously, just having to read this site is making me a crappier blogger. Should I click the "About Us" link at the bottom? My mind is telling me no, but my troublemaking liver says "YEAHHHHHHHH!"
Cubszone.com is an included sports issue company consisting of 2 divide divisions that work intimately jointly to deliver an only one of its kind and highly integrated Internet and print manufactured goods contribution. The Internet issue separation consists of a system of more than 290 web sites that issue inside and restricted content.
The system is manage with Scout’s publishing knowledge that permit publishers to fast write, cross-reference, hand out and organization stories and information about sports from wherever in the world. It produces forty five of the most extensively read self-governing college and expert team focused magazines in the state.
Do you want to blot an head on an Cubszone.com website? We greeting fresh content from those that are keen about their attentions and activity.
Mark about your favoured topics as a news explanation or leader
Support your own overhaul and products with a link to your website
Turn out to be well-known more than your wildest vision.
Cubszone.com issue magazines utilize the content and spectators of Cubszone.com to expand, promote and marketplace its editorially rich, high fineness, “sleek” periodical magazines. Jointly, print and Internet publication complement one one more enable each to proffer a broad assortment of tremendously high quality sports connected information.
Well, fuck. I broke my brain. Anyhow, we sent Louise a message from our WAIW e-mail account. Enjoy.
Louise,
I assume this is your name, as it'sthe one seen herethat you left in our comment section. Even for a blog that has in the past used the phrase "clown sex," we find offense in your comments. Could you not even come up with a plausible reason to leave a comment? Or are you a self-aware robot, of the kind from science fiction that make us nervously eye our toasters while we meticulously clean and oil our shotguns? Either way, this is a disturbing occurrence, one we hope will not be repeated. As a blog that is up-front about the fact that we whore ourselves at every possible opportunity (going so far as to havea tag dedicated to this subject ), we would like to say that even we find your self-promotion tacky. Please cease, or be more creative, or at the very least take Rich Hill and Daryle Ward off of your masthead. I mean, really?
Oh, and please don't forget to buy an official 2009 WAIW koozie. Only $5, and free shipping! Get yours today.
Yeah, see, that's how you do it. Like a boss.
We look forward to continuing our dysfunctional relationship in the future. Go Go Cubs!
John and Steve
WAIW
www.aCubsblog.com
So that's that. We'll let you know if you hear anything back. Even if we do, I'm not convinced we'll be able to understand it. Now excuse us while we squeal at the idea that someone thought we were popular enough to spam. Sqeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Well, This is Mighty Confusing
Take a look at this article. Notice anything strange?
Would anyone like to tell me why there's no mention of Ted Lilly in a story entitled "Ted Lilly ejected from Cubs' dugout, takes argument to the field"? Not one damn hint of the man who lends his name to the headline. Top class reporting from Gordon Wittenmyer - NOW with 54 percent more unsubstantiated racist claims!
Three-Day Weekend Recap: Just Like When We Were Kids
So now, in the spirit of the COI crew, who once exhorted a mini-burger to go and fornicate itself, I'll give you the GFYs of the weekend's games. And as a positive chap, I'll also hit a bright spot. Because we need those, more now than ever.
Friday: Padres 4 - Cubs 0
GFY Aaron Miles, you glorified minor leaguer. You left 5 on base and continue to make the Cardinals front office look brilliant for dumping your one-decent-year ass. You dare wear the number of the late, great Mark DeRosa? Also, Hoffpauir left 5 on base and struck out four times.
However ... it was nice to see Z back. He wasn't killer, but it was a decent enough first step toward a full recovery. He certainly didn't get any favor
Saturday: Padres 3 - Cubs 1
GFY entire Cubs offense. You sucked immensely against Josh Greer, who has this season given up 7 earned runs to the friggin' Astros in a single start.
However ... Randy Wells continues to avoid that diagnosis of ROMS.
Sunday: Padres 7 - Cubs 2
GFY Micah Hoffpauir. Your continued sucking against a not very good Padres team has created a lot of sudden silence in a fan base that was enjoying crapping all over Derrek Lee.
However ... Reed Johnson finally got his first home run, which looked a lot more pivotal at the time than it ended up being.
Monday: Pirates 10 - Cubs 8
GFY Neal Cotts. Seriously. I find it to be true that most people say things on the Internet that they'd never repeat to a person's face. Yet I sincerely believe that even the most trepidatious Cubs blogger would, upon running into you at a White Castle, let you know just how fed up they are with your shitty pitching. I hope to never see you pitch again, even if the Cubs were nursing a 19-0 ninth-inning lead on the Oakland A's.
However ... the entire weekend was redeemed by this, honestly the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life:
Dig the excited "Go Cubs Go" ad lib. Can anyone tell me what Mr. T's real name is without cheating? There's a hefty prize (blog respect) in it for you if you can.
Read More »»
Friday, May 22, 2009
Boo Old Media!
Labels: ThunderdomeI'm off of work today, so I got out of bed a little later than usual. I haven't been up long, but have already found two reasons to boo old media and refocus my attention on blogs.
Reason 1:
I believe this is what we call an "oopsy poopsy" in the newspaper game
Reason 2:
This ridiculous "investigative report."
Rowdyness and beer drinking at a game between divisional rivals? Mercy me. WON'T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!?!
WAIW Cubs Blog Roundtable, Week 9: Awesome Edition
We at WAIW are lucky enough to be acquainted with the operators of a bunch of excellent Cubs blogs. Every Friday throughout the 2009 season, we're going to bring as many of them as we can together to share their thoughts on being Cubs fans. This week, asked the operators of these blogs to come up with their all-time fantasy lineup. The catch, though, is that it was driven not by career stats, but why what players they've come to love for one reason or another. Steve and I posted our lineups here. Now, then:
Cubs fans of all generations have seen legends pass in and out of Wrigley Field - some with Hall of Fame-caliber careers, and some who earned their status through an unquantifiable mix of intangibles only devotees of the Boys in Blue can really understand. Fan bias is perhaps the biggest deciding factor in who's fondly remembered decades later and who ends upas more of an organizational footnote. Given the chance, and perhaps a time machine, what lineup would put out there to play an evil team of vampire St. Louis Cardinals for control of the universe?
The Ted Lilly Fan Club
P: Ted Lilly
C: Gabby Hartnett (Jody Davis as back-up/DH for interleague games)
1B: Derrick Lee
2B: Sandberg
SS: Banks
3B: Ramirez
LF: Billy Williams
RF: the Hawk
CF: Jerome Walton
RP: Lee Smith (backed up by Ted Lilly wearing a mustache)
That lineup took about 30 seconds to put together, then we blacked out at it's awesomeness.
We're not going to defend any of these choices (why not Santo! WTF is Walton doing there?) nor explain them. For us, it was a mixture of emotions and events that brought them onto the list, not carear path. This is a good exercise, but likely to elicit some strong opinions, so we'll leave the humor aside for this one.
- The Ted Lilly Fan Club admittedly left humor aside for this one, which is why you take Mustached Ted Lilly with deadly seriousness
Jen
C - Gabby Hartnett - Not only because he remains the alpha male in Cubs' catchers history nearly a century after his career, I also have an affinity for grown men nicknamed "Gabby".
1B - Mark Grace - Maybe it just seems right since he was at first base for more than half of my life, maybe I'm just hoping he'd hit for the cycle again or maybe because I wasn't legal the first time around.
2B - Ryne Sandberg - Growing up in the 80s and 90s, three males fascinated me - Zach Morris, Donnie Wahlberg and Ryne Sandberg. Only one of those adorations has stood the test of time. (Okay maybe two, but Zach Morris can't play second base.)
SS - Ernie Banks - In addition to his killer production, the dream team would have the epitome of a "clubhouse guy".
3B - Ron Santo - It's no secret I think Aramis Ramirez is God's gift to third base…as long as that statement is followed with "since Ronnie." And maybe a couple more games would give the Veterans Committee even more proof why Ron belongs in the Hall. But can we at least throw Rami up in the booth for an "Awww, jeez" with Pat?
LF - Billy Williams - Consistent on the field and classy off the field - a rare find these days (she says, with the tone of a bitter crotchety old man).
RF - Andre Dawson - Dude, the blank contract. What more do you need to hear?
CF - Hack Wilson - Never one to turn down a ribbie…or a beer.
P - Kerry Wood - There's no DL in the dream world and my selection assumes an injury free what-could-have-been. That…and I really need to break out my "Got Wood" t-shirt again.
RP - Carlos Marmol - Nasty, filthy, lights-out, amazing, God: whatever you want to call him, Marm's got the stuff dreams - and their lineups - are made of, in any decade.
- Jen writes Cub Blogging, or at least she will until she fulfills her dreams by joining Donnie Wahlberg on an arson spree
WPBC
sp -- Rick Sutcliffe -- the 1984 version was as automatic as I can remember.
c -- Gabby Hartnett -- Homer in the gloamin'. Backstop when the Cubs were an NL power.
1b -- Phil Cavaretta -- Lane Tech kid became everyday first baseman at the age of 18.
2b -- Ryne Sandberg -- Cornerstone of the franchise in the 80's.
ss -- Ernie Banks -- Mr. Cub
3b -- Ron Santo -- Cub legend was pretty good back in his day.
lf -- Billy Williams -- What a sweet swing.
cf -- Hack Wilson -- The man would booze all night and hit homers during the daytime.
rf -- Sammy Sosa -- An absolute offensive force in the late 90's and early 00's.
rp -- Bruce Sutter -- Split fingered fastball was at times impossible to hit.
- WPBC, of Waxpaperbeercup, gets points for using a Lane Tech product in the lineup. I think local and drink local, which is an entirely original philosophy of my own.
Ginger Russ
Anyone can pick the Cubs best players over the years to make their "perfect team". And there is sure to be your debates: Sosa vs. Dawson, Three Finger vs. Fergie, Soto vs. Todd Hundley. But if you are to field a team that would play against an evil team of vampire Cardinals, you need three things that thwart evilness, vampires, and annoying birds: Gingers, Steroids and Midgets (OH MY)!
Gingers
P - Rick Sutcliffe. The Red Baron was a three-time All Star, won the NL Rookie of the Year award and the Cy Young, but his greatest accomplishments include doing his best Harry Caray impersonation by showing up drunk unexpectedly in the broadcast booth during a Padres-Brewers game in 2006 and currently going all Chuck Norris on his colon cancer.
CF - Matt Murton. Ginger Matt rode into Chicago on a unicorn with a bang, hit almost .300 with the Cubs, and then was traded for some guy named Rich Harden. He also inspired one of the greatest Cubs blogs ever.
RP - Ryan Dempster. This Cunuck is known for his horrible Harry Caray impersonation, which he does sober, and signing a ball for a girl in the bleachers in which he requested to see her tits. Despite reports, he doesn't hate beady-eyed freaks with bad clothing lines.
Steroids
RF - Sammy Sosa. Yes, WE ALL LOVE Slammin Sammy and his antics - his double kiss after a home run, his salsa blasting in the clubhouse, his leaving early before the game is even over. Amazingly, Sosa forgot all English when he went before Congress to testify about his alleged steroid abuse.
LF - Rafael Palmeiro. Palmeiro played the first 2 of his 20 years in baseball with the Cubs and probably never took steroids while on the team. But in 2005 he was named by Canseco as a user and then tested positive later that year. Ironically he returned from his 10-day suspension on "Rafael Palmeiro Appreciation Day", which he celebrated by buying earplugs to block out the loud boos from fans.
C - Benito Santiago. Santiago only played for one year with the Cubs. It was in SF under Dusty's watchful eye in 2003 that a Giant's clubhouse attendant found a package of syringes while cleaning out his locker. He would later be named in the Mitchell Report for the incident.
And Your Midget Infield
SS - Ryan Theriot. The Riot stands a towering 5' 11" and is a member of the little person duo, "The Cajun Connection" with Mike Fontenot. He could also be included in the steroid category of my list, as he has been implicated by the great journalist, Sun-Times columnist Rick Telander, of possibly using PED's, which would explain his new power surge and new man boobs.
2B - Mike Fontenot. Little Babe Ruth is an inch shorter than Theriot at 5'10" (Seriously folks, if you've been to Cubs game and have stood at ground level, you know neither Ryan or Mike are as tall as their listed heights. Hell, I'm as tall as Fontenot wearing cleats, and I'm only 5'7".) Fontenot has the most amount of nicknames on the team, including "Fonte-yes", "Swamp Thing", Little Babe Ruth", and "The Pocket Rocket".
3B - Luis Salazar. Salazar played 3B for the Cubs from 1989-1992. Salazar was listed at 5'9" during his playing days and his highlights included hitting .326 in September to lead the Cubs to the NL East Championship and posting a .368/.632 line in the '89 NLCS, second best only to Gracey. He also loves Pabellon Criollo, a hearty dish made from a delicious combination of carne mechada (shredded beef), arroz blanco (white rice), caraotas negras (black beans) and tajadas (fried plantains).
1B - Matt Stairs. Stairsey only played one year with the Cubs, but I must admit he is on my list of favorite Cubs of Yore. He is another Canadian and has played for virtually every team in the majors (11) before winning a ring last year with Philly. At 5'9", he is the smallest 1st baseman I could find playing for the Cubs, and probably also the fattest.
You might also need some supporting members to help, including:
Yosh Kawano, the longtime clubhouse manager and known bird hater.
Lloyd Rutzky, a 41 year veteran of slinging the suds at Wrigley to distract LaRussa with free Strawberry Daquiris.
Darren Baker, Dusty's kid and batboy to distract the evil with cuteness.
and of course Harry Carey to call the game, because who else would you want to do it?
- Ginger Russ is over at the College of Idiots, where he brings a calm, measured approach to recent Cubs proceedings
A League of Her Own
Okay, here we go. Mind, these are not necessarily the best BASEBALL decisions, driven by heart as much as head.
1B Mark Grace--We were all charmed by his golden blonde locks and dreamy blue eyes. The batting average didn't hurt, either. Back up is Eric Karros, whose awesomeness is only limited by the fact that he was only here for one year.
2B Ryno. Duh. We didn't even vote for a backup.
SS Ernie. For obvious reasons. What is not so obvious is that we came up with Dunston as a backup, i think because we enjoyed seeing if Grace could catch the 101 mph fastballs he fired over there.
3B Santo. Ramirez comes in a very close second, but loses points for being even LESS durable than Ronny. We mean Ronny right NOW, not when he was playing.
C Jody Davis. Our backup was Hector Villanueva, who we all agree would probably want to be left off our team, preferring to sit down somewhere with a sandwich and a beer.
OF Sammy Sosa. We hated him at the end, but only because he broke our hearts. I chose Davey Martinez as the backup.
OF Billy Williams
OF Soriano.
Pitchers:
Fergie
Kerry
Maddux
Z
Bielecki (who knew he had so many lingering fans? I refer to this as the "Cubs Convention" effect)
Other players getting a lot of votes (so I guess this would be our bench): Gary Gaetti (?), Mickey Morandini (if any of us could remember where he played, he might have even made the starting lineup. did he play 2b?), Andre Dawson (I think the knees held him back), Corey Patterson (no idea what that's about), Kyle Farnsworth (in case the benches clear) and Randy Myers (and because we think he'd be BFFs with Beck).
-Cubbiejulie runs A League of Her Own, where she put our question up for an excellent community debate. Also noteworthy is the presence of two awesome guests on their latest podcast. Check that out.
Ivy Envy
CF - Jerome Walton - He's fast. He's better than Willie Wilson. And with a bevy of mediocre center fielders in our lifetime, you might as well pick a rookie of the year.
2B - Ryne Sandberg - How could you not pick him when our moms, aunts, sisters and middle-aged female acquaintances everywhere marveled at the man's luscious rear end? Oh, and he was pretty good at second base, too.
1B - Derrek Grace - The perfect hybrid of two great Cubs first basemen and No. 3 hitters. He has the hands of Lee, the consistent bat of Grace, and a pscysofrentic work ethic consisting of quiet leadership and chain smoking. While this super mutant makes our mouth water, if we have choose one, we choose Mark Grace.
RF - Andre Dawson - In combat against vampire Cardinals, the Hawk need not wield a stake to dispell the undead, his dagger-staring plate approach will send foes running. He catches balls with his bare hands, hits bombs, and would have killed Eric Show if given the chance. Just pray Country Joe West is nowhere near home plate. He gets the nod ahead of Sammy Sosa only due to Sosa's lack of clutchness at the plate.
3B - Aramis Ramirez - Ron Cey rolled off the tongue very easily, but after further review, it was difficult to ignore the man who jammed the stick into the spokes of third-base's revolving door.
SS - Shawon Dunston - How could you deny a spot to a guy with similar career statistics of the great Philadelphia Blue Jays short stop Granny Hamner? The Shawon-O-Meter captured our hearts, and Dunston reciprocated by helping the stat-trackers saved on carrying a third No. 3 to the ball park. The first number wasn't changing. As they always say, you don't need to do long-division to be a baseball player -- just hit the damn ball and run it out like someone's chasing you.
LF - Matt Murton - Corey likes his ruby locks, calling him a fellow "Pelo Rojo," not to be confused with 1960's Minor-Leaguer Enrique Rojo. We love his heart and determination.
C - Jody Davis - Jimmy calls him his favorite Cub. Andy almost went with switch-hitting catcher Damon Berryhill, but at the last second went with Paul Bako -- wait, no, Jody Davis.
P - Rick Sutcliffe - This man was more than a simple "Pelo Rojo," he's the reason the Cubs broke a 39-year playoff drought in 1984 -- pitching to a 2.69 ERA and a 16-1 record with the Cubs. He gave up just 9 home runs in 150 innings.
RP - Randy Myers - He knows Kung Fu, and showed that by planting a forearm shive to the face of a crazed fan that charged him during a game. For one year, he was the most reliable Cubs closer ever -- words that just don't seem to go together. His 53 saves in 1993 was an NL record that stood for five years.
- List compiled by Corey and Andy of Ivy Envy and the Ivy Envy podcast's regular guest, Matt Veto
Lingering Bursitis
P - Ryan Theriot
C - Ryan Theriot
1B - Ryan Theriot
2B - Ryan Theriot
SS - Ryan Theriot
3B - Ryan Theriot
LF - Todd Hollandsworth
CF - Ryan Theriot
RF - Ryan Theriot
SP - Ryan Theriot
RP - Ryan Theriot
Closer - Ryan Theriot
Manager - Ryan Theriot
Batboy - Ryan Theriot
Chef - Ryan Theriot
Valet Parking Chief - Ryan Theriot
Groundskeeper - Ryan Theriot
HR Executive - Ryan Theriot
Director of Player Personnel - Ryan Theriot
Head Scout - Ryan Theriot
Accountant - Ryan Theriot
Announcer - Ryan Theriot
GM - Ryan Theriot
Owner - Ryan Theriot
Just imagine what the GRIT3 would be like.
- Lingering Bursitis writes over at Thunder Matt's Saloon, as well as Unprofessional Foul, an excellent football (football = soccer) blog. See how cultured we are?
View From the Bleachers
Ed. note: VFTB also put it up for debate. Here's what they came up with.
Some good choices, to be sure. Yet note the unbridled hate for Steve's lineup. I smell another BLOG FIGHT. Glad to see someone else came up with Kosuke, though.
Read More »»
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Cardinals 3 - Cubs 1: 27 Innings, 2 Runs. Please Welcome Your Washington Nationals
Labels: Cardinals, L
One might be tempted to look to the South Side for solace, where a team that had successfully traded for the most lusted-after pitcher in baseball were both rejected by the player and beaten 20-1 by their divisional rivals. But taking joy in the failure of our city rivals would be a dickish move worthy of a Sox fan. So yes, I'm glad the Peavy deal fell through, but no, it doesn't make me feel better about this team playing like refried ass. Tomorrow we begin a series against the Padres, and Z comes back. Hope springs eternal, even when you should know better. Read More »»
Roundtable Preview: WAIW Dream Lineups

As part of our ever popular (at least with me and Steve, who can not have to write at the end of the week) Friday Cubs Blog Roundtable feature, Steve and I asked our blogger friends this week for their dream lineups. While we usually sit on our asses and enjoy the excellence of our fellow bloggers, this time we just had to put in our own answers. We're doing it a day early, so as not to intrude on a regular feature constructed with the express purpose of not being about us.
By the way, did you know that "bloggers" is a word under which Blogger.com puts that "you're WRONG" red line? Check out the WAIW dream lineups after the jump.
Name: Steve
Height: 6'11"
Livelihood: Accountant
Religion: Accountant
Eyes: Laser
Fake Embarassing Secret: Still waiting for that Ace of Base comeback
P – Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown – This man makes Koyie Hill’s accident look like me complaining about when my toe cramps up. Losing parts of 2 fingers in a farming accident, Brown ended with 239 wins and an incredible 2.06 E.R.A. That means even he could count how many runs he would typically give up on one hand.
C – Geovany Soto – This season’s early struggling aside, a hitting catcher that is strong on defensive and knows how to manage pitchers is a rare find, and I hope that in 10 years from now this inclusion on my all-time list doesn’t look foolish.
1B – Cap Anson – Cap played in 27 seasons, and was the first player credited with 3,000 hits. Additionally, he is part of the brain trust that started Spring Training, without which, College of Idiots might not be with us today.
2B – Ryne Sandberg – No question here. My favorite player of all time. Off the field, he cemented his place in my heart with his Hall of Fame induction speech that I think should be required viewing for every rookie in the game.
3B – Ron Santo – Not only one of the greatest hitting third basemen ever in the game, he is also a master of medicine (when his diabetes would act up in the middle of a game, a candy bar was eaten to quell the fire) and soliloquy (he can shout “oh noooo” in ways never imagined).
SS – Shawon Dunston – From my memory, he always had a sweet pair of shades on, and inspired the Shawon-O-Meter (http://davidcihla.com/shawon-o-meter.htm). Him, along with the aforementioned Ryno and the soon to be mentioned Hawk, are what made me a Cubs fan.
RF – Andre Dawson – No one was more exciting for me to watch at the plate than Dawson. He could crank a ball out of the park like nobody’s business, and was easily the best player in RBI Baseball (on a stacked NL All-Star team).
CF – Rick Monday – This really has nothing to do with skill, but solely based on the saving the flag incident.
LF – Alfonso Soriano – I chose Soriano for 2 reasons. First, he has won me over as a lead-off hitter and can make you regret stopping to get nachos and Old Styles on your way to your seat with the amount of lead-off homers he hits. Second, he represented a change in culture for the Cubs, where they proved that they were going to start spending money to get talent to win, not just ride the coattails of Wrigley’s popularity.
RP – Kerry Wood – I was sad to see Kerry go, because he is what I want every Cub to be. While being from Texas, he fully embraced Chicago as his home. While most memories of Wood are as a starter, I miss him closing the game for us, and when his fastball was on, he was almost untouchable.
Name: John
Education: Southern
Beard: Awesome
Favorite Snack That Will Lead to Premature Death: Hostess Fruit Pies (TM)
Fake Embarassing Secret: Cried at the end of "Backdraft"
SP – Mordecai “3 Finger” Brown - I'm a fan of graphic novels (which my girlfriend misguidedly calls "comic books"), and the idea that a horrific accident can lead to a super power fascinates me. I'm fairly certain that Miner Brown's curveball is the closest this concept has ever come to reality.
C – Randy Hundley - Another fascinating myth to me is the tough-as-nails everyman. Hundley caught an undgodly 161 games in 1968. Frankly, he's the one on that team who I suppose most people thought would lose both legs first. But no, he's still kicking ass as a baseball legend while simultaneously looking like a guy who is going to bring your pitcher of Miller Lite and ask what bowling shoe size you need.
1B – Frank Chance - Certainly there are flashier players I could pick, but Chance was the figurehead of the last Cubs to hang a World Champions banner. Tinker to Evers to This Guy remains an awesome part of Cubs history.
2B – Ryne Sandberg - Like Steve said, no debate needed.
SS – Ernie Banks - He's such an important public face of the team that I think people forget how dominant he was as a player. This was not just a friendly, smiling player - this was a guy who would knock around your pitcher until he cried and ended up garnering MVP votes over a 15-year period.
3B – Ron Santo - The contrarian in me tried to make a case for Stan Hack, but really, there's no contest. Ron was not only an amazing player and the last ballplayer to self-medicate with Snickers, but the Platonic ideal of a homer broadcaster. Criticize his work in the booth all you like, but it's gratifying to have someone yelling "oh COME ON" at the same time as you.
LF – Billy Williams - A player often lost in the shuffle of bigger personalities, Billy was a dominant force who should have taken the MVP in 1970. Maybe it was a lack of PR, maybe it was the fact that "Sweet Swingin' Billy from Whistler" is just a crappy nickname.
CF – Hack Wilson - A relic from the days when great players were also often unbridled alcoholics. His power numbers are insane even for today. The year he hit 191 RBI (a record I hope never to see broken), he didn't even get a single MVP vote. I like to think he retaliated by drinking a handle of Jack Daniel's and punching the prime minister of Australia.
RF – Andre Dawson - As a kid playing baseball in the various cul-de-sac and farmer's fields in the neighborhood (hey, I grew up in the burbs), we would always call out what player we were playing as that day. I always yelled "I'M ANDRE DAWSON" before anyone else could make a sound. Of course, once I got up to bat, it was painfully clear that I was, in fact, myself.
RP – Rod Beck - This comes back to how much the 1998 Wild Card season meant to me (damn ye, raised expectations!). He was clearly a hybrid of a walrus and a trucker. His one good year with the Cubs (51 saves) endeared him to me for life. Though he played most of his career elsewhere, he's always going to be a Cub to me.
BN – Mark Grace - When I become Orwellian ruler of America, I'm going to go back and wipe from history the years Grace spent in Arizona.
BN – Gabby Hartnett - An insane force from back in the day when the Cubs only winning the pennant was a disappointment. Damn ye, lowered expectations!
BN – Kosuke Fukudome - This is the one I'm going to get absolutely murdered for in the comments. Really, you'd imagine Cap Anson should be in this spot, but he was a racist sumbitch, so fuck that guy. But (and it always comes back to my obsessions), I've been fascinated with Japanese baseball since I saw a documentary on the league as a kid (actually, "Mr. Baseball" with Tom Selleck). When he came to the Cubs in 2007, I got tickets for Opening Day at Wrigley. When he lined his first pitch as a major leaguer to the wall for a double, I was ecstatic. When he tied the game with a 3-run homer in the bottom of the ninth, I was high fiving strangers with a Christmas Morning look on my face. Even when he's struggling, I remember his potential, or watch his excellent defense, and think about how much I love watching him play when he's on. I'd say that I've never wanted a Cubs player to succeed so hard. Sure, I'm leaving a lot of greats unmentioned, but Kosuke has legitimately contributed a lot of enjoyment to my Cubs fandom.
Cardinals 2 - Cubs 1: Oh, Come ONNNN!
I suspect that last night's crappy loss is the closest I'll get this year to watching an NBA game. Nothing mattered until the last 10 minutes. Normally, I'd enjoy a pitcher's duel, but this was something else. This was as close as I've seen the Cubs come to actively choosing not to hit. First, they couldn't get at Mike Brown of baseball. Fine enough. Then they couldn't push a run past three different Cardinals relievers until finally getting close enough to break your heart in the 9th. Pitchers duel my ass - this was straight up crap from our boys. And everyone's to blame - not a Cub hitter yet has managed a multi-hit night in this series. And once again, we're in the familiar territory of trying to avoid a sweep by a bitter division rival. I mean, I'm pissed, but if I were Ryan Dempster, I'd be way more pissed.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Yes, They're Charging Money for This
I'm a creature of habit when it comes to clothing. Ask my girlfriend - through the years we've been together, she has witnessed the handful of shirts that I wear in an ongoing 2 1/2 week cycle. But I do, occasionally, peruse the new Cubs merchandise on offer in the various shops of the suburban retail incubator where I work. I've been sitting on a big-ass Dick's gift card for awhile now, so I went down there during my lunch hour. I didn't find anything good, but I did find something bad - amazingly bad. Take a look at this polo shirt.
The new "this shirt was stitched by a fashion school dropout with a mean case of the DTs" style is so very popular.
Innocuous enough in a sea of branded merchandise, no? Let's take a closer look, shall we?
"100 percent Cotton. Sewed in China by shaky-handed meth addicts on the back of a moving dune buggy"
I checked - they're all like that. What you can't quite see is the $45 price tag. If you bought this on eBay, you'd be really pissed when it came. You'd think you'd gotten ripped off by a poor-ass bootleg from Thailand. But no, this is apparently what market research has decided people from the suburbs will buy. And I remain unable to find an all-flannel 1908 throwback jersey. Oh well.
Rivals Romp 'Round....Rhicago?


Monday, May 18, 2009
Rookie of the Year: A Classic?
Labels: Geovany Soto, WAIW Salute
Cubs Media Monday: Ka-BOOOOOOOOOOM
Sometimes just one brilliant moment can cement an otherwise mediocre player or team. Don Baylor's 2000 Cubs were a 97-loss paragon of ineptitude. They may have not been the suckiest sucks who ever sucked (there's a lot of competition for that title, even franchise-wide), but they certainly tried to be. Glenallen Hill was gigantic to the point he looked like a comic book supervillain, and his defense earned him the nickname "The Juggler." He once went on the DL after he had a nightmare about spiders and threw himself down the stairs. Yet both forgettable Cubs team and forgettable Cubs player are forever preserved in fond memory due to the event portrayed below:
Further thoughts on the matter, following the jump.
No matter how many times I watch that video, my eyes always go wide when I hear the sound the bat makes as it hits the very soul of of Steve Woodard. Other thoughts:
- How bad is the announcing here? My memory is a little fuzzy, but I believe the team in the booth at the time was Chip Caray and Steve Stone. Correct me if I'm wrong. Anyway, they begin with insipid talk about shoes, and then after witnessing perhaps the most impressive home run in Wrigley history, manage to bring the shoe talk full circle by spouting a catch phrase that was tired even back then.
- If you're wondering, we of course lost this game 14-8 to a mediocre Brewers team (Is there any other kind? Hey-O!). It seems like every time something astounding happens at Wrigley, the Cubs end up on the losing end.
- I'd really love to be able to hear the internal monologue of the guys on that roof. "Wow, he got that one good! Wait, is it ... nah ... whoaa ... HOLY SHIT ... OHMYGODOHMYGOD ... WOOOO!"
- Ever since I found this video, I've been spending an inordinate amount of time wondering what ever became of that ball. I'd take that over a milestone home run ball any day.
- The Cubs used 6 (SIX!!) pitchers this day, and despite having been a Cubs fan since childhood, I do not recognize any of their names today.
- Though I couldn't track down the video, I do recall another time where Hill checked his swing and ended up holding just the broken handle of the bat in his hands. The broken upper half of his bat traveled across the plate, so they called it a strike after much bemused debate. Glenallen Hill literally snapped a bat with just a check swing, and yet denies to this day that he ever used performance-enhancing drugs. We won't disagree with him, for obvious reasons.
- Who batted cleanup for the Boys in Blue this day? None other than career .234 hitter Willie Greene. And we boo Derrek Lee?
Read More »»
Weekend Recap: Win, Lose and Draw

Saturday's game was an up and down ride, with us seemingly in control until

On Sunday,
We are on a good streak right now, and after an off-day today, head to St. Louis for an important series. With our stock on the rise, and the Cards sinking, it should be a good time for a series at Busch.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
WAIW: Kings of All Some Internet Media
Labels:
news
Wrigley Tour / Lessons in Investigative Journalism




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