Labor Day Weekend Recap: Baseball Played, Not Much Else of Note

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Labor Day Weekend Recap: Baseball Played, Not Much Else of Note

. Tuesday, September 8, 2009



If Tom Emanski were half-blind and riddled with scars from years of methamphetamine use, this is the kind of fielding he would teach

Remember my observation last week about how, despite all the failures of our season, we were still a cut above the Mets? It didn't take long for me to be proven wrong this time. Usually the universe cuts me a nice grace period before proving my idiocy, but what are you gonna do. Oh, and we also lost to the White Sox the day before that series. So really, a nice punch in the ass all the way around. Let's take a look at the superb roster of pitchers that shut down the Cubs from Thursday to Sunday:

- Carlos Torres, CHW: 2nd big league game

- Bobby Parnell, NYM: 1.63 WHIP

- Mike Pelfrey, NYM: Operates carnival rides in the offseason

- Matt Thornton, CHW: Once killed a hobo and hid the body in an oil drum

- Francisco Rodriguez, NYM: Willingly signed with the Mets

- Brian Stokes, NYM: Sniveling herald of the cosmic and terrifying Lord Galactus - also has a shitty change-up



Randy Wells gets an early start on that sophomore slump thing. He always was a quick learner

So there you have it. A single win against the Mets and an "I don't care" performance at home against the city rival. You know what sport I watched on Saturday? Soccer. On Telemundo. What hath this season wrought?

...

But you know, it could be worse.

How? Find out after the jump, intrepid reader!



Worse would be 17 losing seasons in a row. Worse actually is what the Pittsburgh Pirates are looking at. While the Cubs may have disappointed in every other conceivable way this season, they managed to close the deal on the Pirates yesterday and make Pitt the only team in major U.S. sports history with 17 losing seasons. Why even our star-crossed Cubs haven't approached that apogee of self-mutilation. What's sad is that 18 years ago, the Pirates were coming off of a 4-3 series loss in their 3rd straight NLCS. Jim Leyland promised to rebuild. Oopsy Poopsy.



Given no hope on a sinking ship of a franchise, Pirates reliever Steven Jackson does what he does best: Drops a deuce in the dugout for some reason.

Ted Lilly looked great yesterday, giving up a mere brace of runs. God knows what he's pitching for at this point, but respect to the man for doing it. The offense did ... little. Aside from Derrek Lee's 3 hits (where's your god now, Hoffpauir!?!), everyone else got either 1 or 0. That includes Fukudome, who has been sucking hard lately, dropping his average under .270 for the first time in awhile. I literally have jack shit left to root for except 12 wins for Lilly, a .270 average for Fuku, and a painful bowel obstruction for Kevin Gregg.

Take heart, Cubs fans! We may be the Lovable Losers, but we're not the Lovable Losers of 17 Seasons In a Row.

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