Nationals 15 (!!!) - Cubs 6: The Revenge of Glass Joe

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Nationals 15 (!!!) - Cubs 6: The Revenge of Glass Joe

. Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Ever feel like you've been running the same picture of Zambrano the entire season?

Ho-lee-shit. I have this ritual, every year, where I pointedly exclaim that we'll be winning the world series up until the point we're mathematically eliminated. After last night's display of what I can only invent the word "Rockbottomery" for, I'm reconsidering my long-held stance on the matter. Forgive me if I doubt our World Series chances after a curb-stomping by the most pathetic franchise in Major League Baseball. But ... we're still going to win the World Series. Sorry. I can't quit that fast.

Anyhow, remember my Punch-Out post of the other day? Well, I can beat Glass Joe. You can beat Glass Joe. My grandmother, who can't even operate her cable box half the time, can beat Glass Joe. But you know who can't? Carlos Zambrano. As a child, I had always wondered at Mr. Joe's 1-99 record. Who could he possibly have beaten? I suppose we have our answer. And it was first-round TKO, at that.

Tales of woe and hardship, after the jump

As much as everyone who gets paid to write in this town gets their panties in a bunch over Z's behavior - too selfish, too emotional, too Venezuelan, whatever - I don't often get pissed with the man. What I do get pissed about is when he pitches like ass. So yes, I'm temporarily pissed at our man Z. But I'm not using last night's result to suggest that there's something fundamentally wrong with him as a baseball player, or a human being. He came off the DL and got rocked by a crappy team. Shit happens. Ominously, these losses are starting to mean less and less. Me, I'm just wondering how cheap I'll be able to get a ticket to Wrigley in September. Methinks the speculation market has succumbed to its own autoerotic asphyxiation. Upside? Fewer douches with girl glasses and arm bands.

Observations From Rock Bottom

Aaron Howry ... I mean, Bobby Heilman. Wait. LaTroy Heil ... oh, nevermind. My point being, fuck this guy.

- What the fuck, Lou? Why is Theriot leading off? That never ends well. Bradley got 4 hits, and Fukudome 2, but God forbid we should use a lineup that works and place those two next to each other.

- Have we yet won a game this season in which we pinch hit Aaron Miles? I mean, I'm sure at one point we've subbed him in, and then won, but when you're pinch hitting that stupid fucking Hobbit, you've gotta be pretty sure you're not hearing "Go Cubs Go" later on.

- HEILMAN, YOU ARE A FATTY! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. It's a great nation where a worthless shit reliever can give up a grand slam and only be charged for 1 run. Good thing Hendry took a flier on the guy.

- Sean Marshall, doing his best to avoid that "good reliever" tag. At least now we don't have to wonder why he sucks as a starter and excels in the pen. Now he just sucks all over.

- Say it ain't so, Sloth!

- Let's not blame all this on Z. Yes, let's blame a great deal of it on Z, but not all. Our pricey lineup can't hit Nationals pitching until we're officially getting fisted? Fuck that. This team can be frustrating sometimes, and just plain pathetic other times.

- I got my first piece of DC shit talk (sort of, "That game was awesome! We don't get much to brag about in DC") on my Facebook wall this morning. One man's joyous evening is another's rock bottom.


KD said...

I don't even know what to say about last night's game except for this: the season officially ended. The Cubs should just go ahead, pack 'em up and head to their respective homes.