Weekend Recap: First Place!

Monday, July 27, 2009

Weekend Recap: First Place!

. Monday, July 27, 2009

Carlos Zambrano freaks the fuck out when he doesn't get a call on a breaking ball to the outside corner. What happens when that dog poops in the house? Is that one in a line of many doomed dogs?

That'll be nine road losses in a row for the Cincinnati Dusties, and I'll certainly take it. It's entirely possible that the Reds have now put themselves completely out of the division race. But then again, every time we say that about a team, they decide to be a pain in the ass and start winning. So I'll shy away from predicting the Reds season conclusion, and say only what I know to be immediately true: The Reds currently suck, and your Chicago Cubs are in first place in the NL Central. It may be just half a game, and it may have something to do with playing the Nationals and Reds, but it's sweet to be on top. That's what she said.

Even more sophisticated humor, after the jump

Friday: Cubs 8, Reds 5

Awkward high five-fist bump confusion: Not just for white guys anymore

Have I mentioned how much I enjoy having Aramis Ramirez back? Steve may hate him for his defense - and he's got a point there - but the last few months proved how indispensable he is to the lineup. Between his resurgence and Fukudome actually hitting, my favorite oft-reviled Cubs players are making me look like a genius.

Randy Wells has finally figured out how to win games - by being completely average. Once he stopped looking like an ace, he's picked up a quick 6 wins. Giving up a 3-run homer to Aaron Harang was a good way to not look like an ace. So long as he lets the other team score 2-4 runs, triumph is assured. Just one of those weird baseball things, I guess.

Saturday: Cubs 5, Reds 3

Psst, Aramis. Someone spilled some New Jersey on your face.

Does anyone remember how terrible Kevin Hart has been as a reliever in the past? He got a small shot with the club in '07, didn't do terribly, and raped the corpse of that goodwill during a horrible 2008 season. At one point, I wished we had that bastard Rocky Cherry back. That's how bad Hart was. Yet when we put him on the mound as a starter, he suddenly pulls a Rain Main and becomes hyper-competent. He had only one walk, which was surprising as I doubted his ability to throw a strike on purpose at this time last year. I'm starting to think that we could put any asshole out there on the mound and as long as we tell him he's the starter, he'll have a nice 6-inning, 1 run day. I say we try Jake Fox next.

Aaron Heilman later gave up 2 home runs in what was supposed to be a mop-up role in the top of the 9th. I need to remember not to drive through the city with my windows open when Aaron Heilman is pitching. I'm fairly certain there's a perfectly nice Polish grandmother in the Mayfair neighborhood who is convinced that someone in a truck told her to go fuck herself.

Sunday: Cubs 5, Reds 2

What's Japanese for "I'm embarassed for both of us"?

For some reason, the local media have got some weird Farmer's Almanac shit in their heads about Rich Harden's ability to pitch. Oh, they say, he's great. But only when he pitches at night. On the road. Under a blood moon. When the local cattle sleep facing northward. Oh, and he's gotta wear the alternate blues.

Well, at home, during the day, rocking the pinstripes, the Canadian did just fine, going a Harden-like 6 and dominating the confused-looking Reds all day. Except for Joey Votto. That guy's just one sick son of a bitch.

Milton Bradley's plate-slapping slide into home on Soriano's hit to the wall was a sweet piece of baserunning, and later we got extremely lucky on a terrible, terrible call at the plate that ended with Edwin Encarnacion being tagged out and Dusty experiencing the symptoms of PMDD. It was an excellent game to watch on a beautiful Sunday, and the double-play putout (my favorite play in baseball) finally took care of the last vestiges of my hangover. Finally, the Cubs are relieving my headaches and nausea, instead of causing them.