WAIW is a Couple of Lazy-Asses Recap: All-Star Breakin 2, Electric Boogaloo

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

WAIW is a Couple of Lazy-Asses Recap: All-Star Breakin 2, Electric Boogaloo

. Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The sentence "Jeff Baker 2-RBI hit" makes as much sense to me as "Jeff Baker spoon rape Victrola coffee house sneezed electric money machine."

WAIW finally broke the streak of losing games. Or at least I did. I forget how Steve's record has been going, but I was the unfortunate loser of 3 in a row, even if I did get to meet Stephanie Izard. Of course, it's much worse for my girlfriend's co-worker. She has never seen the Cubs win in person, and is up to her 5th loss of the season. I'd say I feel pity, but I really don't. I've seen enough suckitude to last a lifetime. And that was just Todd Hundley.

"Slow down, slow down. You saw who get into his car with a half-empty handle of Captain Morgan spiced rum?"

Anyway, the point is that on Saturday, my mini-streak came to an end in glorious fashion against the hated Cardinals. Ted Lilly pitched like a badmothershutyourmouthbutI'mjustalkingaboutShaftohthenwecandigit over 8 innings, and I was just a little bit heartbroken that he didn't get to go the full 9 for his 100th career win. No, instead we got Marmol (Wild) and a bit of unnecessary tension. But Gregggggggg eventually closed it out to send the fatties home sad. The downstate, cornfed fatties that is, not the city fatties. There's an important distinction there.

This came one day after Aaron Heilman (YOU ARE A FATTY!) decided to choke the game away like so much trucker penis. The less said about listening to Friday's game on WGN while being stuck on the Kennedy, the better.

"You did this to me! You made me crazy!"

Steve kept the WAIW streak going on Sunday, watching Z win the game with his arm and his bat to take his record to where it should be in mid-May. Oh well. At least he didn't show any personality - the local media would have had a field day! Phil Rogers would have gotten that not so fresh feeling! THE HORROR!

Theriot was too busy rehearsing his role as a spoiled rich kid bully in a 1980s water skiing movie to catch the ball

And of course, on Sunday night, we lost. Because that's the kind of year this is. Every time we get over .500, cruel fate smacks us on the taint. But we have weathered the Aramis-less storm, and now only have to weather the Dempster and Soto-less storm. And probably a few storms after that. But after we have bravely weathered those storms ... umm ... I've lost my point here. Daddy needs a drink. More first-half analysis as we rock through the All-Star break.


wolfie said...

I'm going to pretend that 43-43 is actually 0-0, and they let the Cardinals have a 3.5 game lead just to make it interesting. They've given me no other choice.