WAIW Cubs Blog Roundtable 16: Costner-y Edition

Friday, July 10, 2009

WAIW Cubs Blog Roundtable 16: Costner-y Edition

. Friday, July 10, 2009

We at WAIW are lucky enough to be acquainted with the operators of a bunch of excellent Cubs blogs. Every Friday throughout the 2009 season, we're going to bring as many of them as we can together to share their thoughts on being Cubs fans. This week - contributors endure my love of hypothetical situations:

Let's take a trip to Imaginationlandvilleton. It's some crazy Field of Dreams scenario, except without Costner and without the man-crying. The Greatest Cubs of All Time are playing the Greatest Cardinals of all time in some sort of agricultural field. Let's call it an alfalfa patch, or a tobacco field. It's 4-3 to the side of Evil in the bottom of the 9th with Cubs on second and third. There's one out left, and you can pinch hit any Cub. Ever. Who are you going to put at the plate for this momentous occasion?

(Note: I know I said Field of Dreams, but you don't really have to pick a dead guy. That would just make things morbid.)

Ted Lilly Fan Club

Given the gravity of the situation, we're not sure that we'd rely on just one Cubs (living or dead) to pull through in this situation so, instead, we'd probably first buy a little extra time by sending a White Sox fan on the field to attack an ump and, while that's going on, make a quick trip down to the dugout laboratory to make a Cubs Frankenstein Monster.

We'd start with Ted Lilly's steely gaze (standard). We'd add in Andre Dawson's power, Steve Trout's feathered hair, Mark Prior's creepy calves and Roy Hobbs' pluck (note: we traded for him before the game). Next, we'd want to mix in Raffy/Sosa's steroid body since, if this game involves zombie ballplayers, we assume roids are also permitted. Finally, we'd top if off w/ Maddux's knowledge of the game and Ryno's heart (even though Ryno's heart would probably want to slug Raffy's body after the whole "you slept w/ my wife" thing).
Viola! You have yourself a game-winning home run for the good guys and an eternity of regret for the Cards. Win-Win.


Hmmmm. I know I probably should say 'Cap Anson,' but he was a bit racist for me. Sammy? Too arrogant and cheatsy. Ernie? Never saw him play. Ronnie? Depends on his insulin level that day. DLee? Depends on the month.

Basing this decision only on a person who I think would work the count and have a decent at-bat, if not a hit? I'll go with Ryne Sandberg.*

*This is purely a reflection of my still childlike hero-worship for Ryno, not necessarily a belief that he's the best Cub hitter ever.


Ryno! He's got a little experience in this matter, after all.


Neifi Perez. If I'm Dusty Baker, that is.

In that situation, I want a guy who's going to get a hit. Just get a hit. So I want Mark Grace.


After thinking long and hard about this, I'd have to go with Frank Chance. Why Frank Chance you ask? Because with first base open, if I sent up my real first choice then the Evil would just pitch around him. Frank Chance is the Cubs all-time leader in being hit by pitches with 137, 67 more than Ernie Banks who ranks second. After Chance "Roger Dorn's" his way on by leaning into one, the real managerial decisions begin.

First, I call Jim Edmonds back from the on-deck circle. He was never really going to get to hit, I just wanted to mess with the douchebag Cardinals' fans. You know they'd be incensed by the thought of having Jimmy used against them, they would all be shitting bricks. Besides, Edmonds would be way too sore to play in this game. After hearing about this 'Field of Dreams' match up, Edmonds became emotional and ran out and got every participant's jersey number tattooed on his arm, right under Daryll Kile's and Josh Hancock's. He's only good for a decoy today.

I wanted to give Ron Santo the nod. I feel bad that he's not yet been inducted into the Hall of Fame and I think it would be a nice gift to allow him the chance to get the game winning hit in the most important make believe game in Cubs history. Unfortunately, I don't know the rules of this game so I'm not sure if Ronny has legs or not. There's too much riding on this to play a guy you're not sure of, so Ronny stays on the pine.

I would have to assume since this is an all-time Cubs vs. all-time Cardinals game, and the Cards have a one run lead in the ninth, Bruce Sutter would be on the hill to try and close this one out. Sutter is good, don't get me wrong, but we all know what his kryptonite is. You've got to go with Ryno here, it's a no-brainer. 25 years after the "Ryne Sandberg Game," Ryno takes Sutter deep once again in what I would have to imagine is the "Game of the Week", assuming the Red Sox aren't playing the Yankees on the same day.


When I first saw your question, I wanted to answer with an obscure Cubs player like Rolando Roomes or Steve Christmas. But the more I thought about it, that wasn't the assignment and 9 times out of 10 the obscure player probably strikes out looking and gets sent back to the cornfield. So I came up with my answer and I tried to keep this post-1960. Against a lefthander I'd go with Bill Madlock; against a righthander I'm gonna go with Billy Williams.