So Long, Suckass!: Ryan "Crazy Ass" Freel (Bonus Cotts Shout-Out)

Friday, July 3, 2009

So Long, Suckass!: Ryan "Crazy Ass" Freel (Bonus Cotts Shout-Out)

. Friday, July 3, 2009



Oh, son of a bitch. He's throwing the imaginary ball again.

Today the Cubs designated Ryan Freel for assignment. Clearly, the magical dwarf in his head must have died, because he couldn't hit Zombie Anna Nicole Smith with a 5-gallon bucket of fried braaaaaains. Which is a shame, because he managed to hit .298 with the Reds last year. Of course, that's what you happen when you take a castoff from the Orioles. Shit happens. He didn't even earn a WAIW tag during his tenure here. Sam Fuld has one.

Freel's (most likely) final line for the Cubs: 28AB, 4H, 1R, 1RBI. Thanks a lot, crapface. GFY, and the magical midget you rode in on.

The Cubs said "So Long, Suckass" to Freel and Farney after trading for Jeff Baker. Or as I call him, New Freel. Let's just enjoy this brief moment of limitless possibility. You know, before we see him swing a bat like an epileptic Japanese kid in the middle of a 19-hour Red Bull and Pokemon jag.

As for Neal "FUCKSHITMOTHERFUCKINBITCHFUCK" Cotts, it was revealed to me during tonight's telecast that the Duke of Dickbaggery is going to need Tommy John surgery. Or wait, is that the Archduke of Assholery? Whichever. Frankly, I'm not happy to see anyone injured. It's just a game, and surgery is no joke. I am, wondering, if this in any way affected his play with the big league club this year. Lest we forget, he had a good year once. It would be nice if we could get back to that. Not that I'd ever trust him again.

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