Crimes Against Commerce Wednesday: The Die-Cast

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Crimes Against Commerce Wednesday: The Die-Cast

. Wednesday, July 29, 2009

With gas prices so cheap in his native Venezuela, he couldn't afford not to get this hummer

Die Cast Promotions Chicago Cubs "Call Me Toro" H2
Price: Was: $99.99 (Now: $39.99)

Limited to only 300 produced, MLB has already become so desperate that they have reduced the price by 60%. Who wouldn't want this limited edition Hummer model that not only features Zambrano's face ruining any possible view for the rear-driver's side passenger, but also has been attacked by Zorro? Per the manufacturer's description: "You can actually see the intensity in Carlos Zambrano's eyes on this model." Not as much as the intensity in the bowel movements in the pants of the individual that green lighted this product as the sales figures trickle in.

How can I show people at work that I love the Cubs AND beat my wife?

Chicago Cubs 2006 1:25 Scale Model MLB Chevy Silverado
Price: Was: $39.99 (Now: $19.99)

No surprise here, another hefty discount. They describe this as a "Vintage vehicle that 'delivers the goods' with style." Does this refer to a right-hook when the Mrs. asks how you like your steak done? (Editor's Note: John does drive a truck, but it is a Toyota, so it seems way less wife-beater-ey). I am not sure who is buying this item, but at 50% off, I can't imagine it is...anyone.

Inexplicably, more examples, after the jump.

The perfect gift for the rare die-hard 'Duel' fan / Soriano supporter

Die Cast Promotions Alfonso Soriano Trailer
Price: Was: $49.99 (Now: $24.99)

Notice a trend here? Another 50% discount, despite the dubious "limited to 300" claim made. I wonder why a Cubs fan wouldn't want to purchase this model truck that celebrates some great years from the outfielder? Wait a minute...2005 and 2006? Shit, that's right, those are the years he played for Texas and Washington. OOOOOOPS! I suppose 2007: 30/10 and 2008: 20/10 doesn't have the same ring to it.

This should be a collectible in memoriam of Erik Estrada's child pornography discussion

Die-Cast Promotions Chicago Cubs Harley Davidson
Price: $79.99

No discount here, kids! For 80 bucks (plus S&H - they ain't runnin' no goddamn charity!), you can get this 8 inch long toy (must. resist. obvious. jokes.). Let's look at this objectively. No adult should have this, and no damn child is getting an $80 model Harley. So who the hell is buying this? I'm fairly certain all of the Hell's Angels spent all their money on bail after shiving too many people at Altamont.


KD said...

LMAO! The Fonzy semi has got to be my favorite! That is some good times right there!