Alderman Wants to Say "So Long, Suckass!" To Street Vendors Outside of Wrigley

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Alderman Wants to Say "So Long, Suckass!" To Street Vendors Outside of Wrigley

. Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Won't someone please think of the children?

Please believe that I tried hard to come up with a much shorter headline. But it works, right? I need constant validation, or I'll start throwing up to look pretty again.


So anyway, this piece of news caught my eye recently. I could recap it for you, but that seems inefficient. Go ahead, click it. I'll wait for you. I'll always wait for you, anonymous Internet audience. While you're gone, I'll cut my hair with kitchen scissors to look like yours, Single White Female style. Join my creepy ass, after the jump.

Ooo, I want the one that's been in the sun all season. It looks vintage.

So Alderman Tunney wants to ban the plethora of shit-sellers around Wrigley, citing the obscure but prescient Clusterfuck Clause. Personally, I've got mixed feelings. I don't feel like people selling unlicensed shirts are necessarily poor, hardworking people getting pushed around by the city. Maybe it's just because of this incident, but I think that they're most likely a bunch of dicks. These are the people who have solid the following slogans for fun and profit:

- Horry Kow
- Cardinals Take It In the Pujols
- Ozzie Mows Wrigley Field
- Cuck the Fardinals
- White Sux

Some are actually offensive, some are just offensive in their stupidity. At the same time, it does add a little something to the gameday atmosphere. An obnoxious something, but something notable. Of course, I've only ever really liked two things they've ever sold - "Support Day Baseball" and "Cub Style." I have purchased neither of these things, but neither did they make me want to punch the seller right in the jean shorts.

"This is so awesome, bro! I can't wait to show it to everyone else in Libertyville. Let's drink Jager and mourn our dead souls."

Where I jump off this train is the idea that it will actually improve the congestion around the park on game day. Am I alone in thinking that suburbanites and tourists will just find something else to gawk at before and after the game? Are we instead opening the way for a further wave of even more obnoxious bucket players?

Don't worry, Crusty Sea Captain Who Retired to Sell Cubs Programs, this won't apply to you

I can see where this would pass through, as the Cubs have a pretty crappy relationship with the vendors after the abovementioned incident. Certainly, the legit businesses in the area have no love for the shit sellers. Alternately, I would suggest this: Shut down Sheffield and Waveland during game day, and instead of the flea market shit, bring in some good food carts, a la Boston. Bring in things that are better for the gameday atmosphere than what's currently there. They've already started that way with the Captain Morgan Club and all that business. Foot traffic is already sort of shutting down the area during games. Might as well make something positive out of it.

Nope, nothing wrong with this. Seriously, though, go fuck yourself

Of course, if you drive around Wrigley right before or after a game, I think you're a tard anyway. Taking away "You Can't Quiet The Riot" shirts won't change that.


Ginger Russ said...

What? No recap?

wolfie said...

I have to admit - I like the skeleton shirt with the little cubby bear heart. (slap! slap! stfu wolfie!!!)

Emily said...

Should have mentioned that one too, Wolfie. That is indeed a sweet one as well. Steve and I both dig. My apologies.

I was at an event last night, and Steve was booting black tar heroin. So neither of us saw the game. Also, we sucked. So I suppose no recap. My apologies. Got the start of a new series of articles tomorrow to make up for it.

Also, before anyone calls me out, I realize it would be a madly stupid idea to close Waveland on gamedays, as there is a fucking fire house there. My mistake. Sheffield though - let us consider.

John said...

And of course that long-ass comment was a fine time to find out that my girlfriend had logged on to Google on my computer. It's a shaky day here for me.

Delusional Cubs Fan said...

I suspect that the reason Tunney wants to ban the vendors is because the owners of places like Wrigleyville Sports pay more to his re-election campaign then do the guys who walk around with t-shirts on sticks. Get rid of the vendors and suddenly there's know congestion in Wrigleyville? That's laughable. More like Wrigleyville Sports and the Cubs themselves are having trouble selling merchandise that costs twice as much as do the street vendors.

Not saying there couldn't be some improvement but I don't want more things like the "Captain Morgan Club" which has the atmosphere of a mall store. Things with real character though, like street vendors, I like.