Wrath of God Delays Wrath of Man

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Wrath of God Delays Wrath of Man

. Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Yesterday, something completely shocking and traumatic thing happened to Cubs fans, and we'll be dealing with the aftermath all week. The game against the Sox was rained out. What, you thought I was referring to something else? I loved Sammy, and even I'm not naive enough to think he broke Roger Maris's record 3 times on Flintstones Vitamins alone. More on Sammy later today.

Anyhow, this rain-out sucks more than perhaps any other rain-out can. It screws up the entire crosstown series, and deprives us of an intriguing Danks/Zambrano match that I was eager to see. Considering Cubs.com is telling me jack shit, we don't even know when the makeup will be. So now we've got, at best, a two-game series versus the Sox. That is lame as fuck.

To make up for nature's crimes against man, I'm going to take a two-step course of action.

1.) I'm going to go outside, try to find leaded gasoline for my truck, and spend the entire day burning it into the atmosphere via the Kennedy. That will teach this planet to mess with my hobbies. I will then quickly and tearfully apologize, because I'm planning to cook outside this weekend, and I have tickets to Friday's game.

2.) I'm going to show you some pictures that, literally, I have saved for a rainy day. Check them out after the jump.

I found this at Sports World on Monday, when I was in the neighborhood. I feel betrayed. Sports World, how could you? Steve and I buy jerseys from you! You're at the corner of Addison and Clark, for fuck's sake!

Okay, I think I may have overdone it in hyping my love for new-taste/old-taste Old Style. Now begins my "Old Style Sucks" campaign in an effort to drive it back below $6 a 12 pack. And bring back the 30-cubes, you sons of bitches!

People actually pay money for these. If you see any of these people, scream "I NEED AN ADULT!" and run away as fast as you can.

That is so lame - I'm guessing there are rollerblades in the trunk and a Raffi CD in the dash. Would I have so much disdain for a "Cubs Pal" plate? You bet your ass I would.