WAIW Round Table #13: Curse Ye, White Sox!

Friday, June 19, 2009

WAIW Round Table #13: Curse Ye, White Sox!

. Friday, June 19, 2009

Yes, the 13th Roundtable is the White Sox one. I totally planned that.

We at WAIW are lucky enough to be acquainted with the operators of a bunch of excellent Cubs blogs. Every Friday throughout the 2009 season, we're going to bring as many of them as we can together to share their thoughts on being Cubs fans. This week - we're going all high school on the 2009 Chicago Cubs:

Though it's assumed that every Cubs fan hates the White Sox with a fiery passion, generalizing the rivalry tends to take away the nuances that add so much to the annual North Side/South Side fistfight starter that is the Cubs/Sox pair of series. Everyone has different levels of hate, and a few experiences to illustrate it. Here is the definitive WAIW one, all the way from 2003. College of Idiots is way ahead of us on this one, so head over there to enjoy some good ones as well. Enjoy, and let us know how you feel. How exactly do you feel about the White Sox and their fans? Can you illustrate it with an amusing, drunken, possibly false anecdote? Best story wins the undying respect of WAIW, and if you're ever up for a game this summer, a pre-game beer.


My answer is a picture. (And a shameless self-promotion)

More stories, including an especially horrific one, after the jump.


A lot of things suck about living south of I-80. It's boring, backward and quite frankly, it usually smells funny. But once a year at this time I'm reminded of one saving grace - no White Sox fans. Seriously. None - or at least not enough to show up on the radar. But for a few months in 2005 have I had to see a single jersey in Springfield, Champaign, Peoria or Decatur. Hell, even when I hear "Sox" I generally think Red. (But before you city folk pack your bags, it's not all peaches and puppy dogs down here - the hole created in their absence is filled by something equally void of shirt and teeth: Cardinals fans.)
However, I do have a story from a past game that I've worked very hard to repress. As usual, it was a clusterfuck on the L while heading to the game, with no seats available. There was one twitchy gentleman, sporting a stained wifebeater and meth scabs, who decided if there were no seats he'd just crawl around on the disgusting floor of the train - until of course, he stops by yours truly and sparks up a conversation. Most people would have ignored the junkie but oh no, not me - God forbid I be rude to the crazy man CRAWLING ON THE FLOOR OF THE L AT 11:30 IN THE MORNING. He asked if I wanted to go to Lollapalooza with him and I declined (with deep regret, of course) that I was only in town for the game. He said, "Where are you from?" to which I replied, "Springfield". He said "Oh. Never heard of it." and I stifled a bitchy laugh (Well, come on! There's 34.) and replied, "Um, it's the state capital." He blinked a few times and said, "I knew that." Perhaps feeling his intelligence was insulted or maybe an attempt to impress me further, he curled down by my feet (encased in flip flops and trust me, this detail is key) in the guise of taking a nap. I assumed our meeting was concluded until I felt the very undeniable sensation of a complete stranger licking MY BIG TOE. I shrieked, quickly ripped it away, climbed away onto the lap of my friend while the offender giggled to himself and laid his scabby head down on the floor of the train. The tie-in? This toe-licking predator had a very noticeable tattoo on his pasty spaghetti arm (above the track marks) of…the White Sox logo. So, perhaps not Cubs-related violation but still a very traumatic - and not altogether un-stereotypical - White Sox encounter.


I have heard folks from the Windy City wonder if this rivalry is as fierce outside the city. Andy and I discussed this at the local watering hole during Wednesday's game. We are about three hours from Chicago and I know three White Sox fans. One is probably the biggest douchebag I've met. However, he's an ass in all areas of life and I am not sure if the White Sox play a role in that. My brother and my dad are White Sox fans. They follow the team and will defend the White Sox, but are not nearly as passionate about their team as the Cubs fans that I know.

Cubs fans here get wound up for the Crosstown Series, but I think it's due to the media attention the series gets. Obviously, we get WGN TV and Comcast, but we're also able to pick up WGN radio and The Score. So the media rachets things up for the series and we get sucked in like everyone else. So I guess I could say that the Cubs fans I know here have the same hatred for the White Sox that I hear from Cubs fans in Chicago, we just don't really have a good reason for it on a personal level since Sox fans are rare around here.


Adolf Hitler. Charles Manson. White Sox Fans. Some might think that we here at the Ted Lilly Fan Club are being a bit rash lumping the Southsiders in with the man behind the Holocaust and a notorius serial killer but we don't think so. When the White Stockings won the World Series in 2005, we were fully behind our former arch nemesis, the Houston Astros and did everything we could to make our homemade Jermaine Dye and Joe Crede voodoo dolls work but, despite all of this, somehow they won and thus started the Blue Period of the TLFC. Similar to Picasso's Blue Period, ours was marked by severe fits of depression, countless hours speaking to the TLFC in-house psychiatrist Dr. Katz and god knows how many nightmares (not in color...but in ChiSox-friendly black and white). Thankfully, the stars aligned, Ted Lilly signed with the Cubs and all was right with the world but do we hate White Sox fans? "Hate" is a strong word but, yes, we hate them.


I've got a ton of Sox stories, from the time I saw the morbidly obese Sox fan couple in spandex and tank tops at O'Hare to the Sox fans who beat up a father in front of his kids following a cross-town game at the Cell. But for me, Sox fans are best understood by their ideas of "victory decorations" following the 2005 WS.

As the team was making its way towards the Loop for the big celebration at Daley Plaza, they passed through a whole bunch of neighborhoods on the South Side. What struck me most about the "decorations" the fans had strung across their streets and hung from their upstairs windows was that most we made out of sheets. Mind you, these were not new, crisp, white sheets that someone had purchased solely for the celebration. These were people's old, soiled, disgusting sheets. They spray painted misspelled words on them and hung them outside, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Sheets with oily yellow stains where someone's head had been, faded brown blood stains where someone had gotten her period, and God only knows what else.

It was one of the most disgusting displays I've ever seen, and I've never forgotten it. This is why Cubs fans are inherently superior to Sox fans in every way: we would at least buy new sheets.


I gotta plead the fifth on this one. (my better half is a sox fan)

For what it's worth, WAIW's opinion is that Jen's junkie toe-licking incident is the winner. But chime in in the comments section, let us know what you think. I think I saw a tumbleweed in the comments section the other day.


KD said...

Wow. Jen's story was both horrifying and hilarious at the same time. I actually felt violated by the junkie just by reading it. Bless you Jen. :)

Bree said...


a few years back, i was eating fish and chips on a lenten friday (good catholic, duh). a nearby sox-clad "gentleman" in the irish pub told me he wanted to pour malt vinegar (which i absolutely love) all over me and and lick it off. while the image of me dancing in a shower of tangy vinegar humors me (acidic flashdance, anyone?), creepy dude gettin' anywhere near me was frightening.

but he did not lick me. good luck with that, jen.

Jen said...

Jen wins. Hands down. Or should I say Toes down. Eewww!

Jen said...


I'm so glad you all got some enjoyment out of my toe-curling (hey, is that where that phrase comes from?) horror.

J.J. said...

Horrible encounter Jen, and you definitely win since the Sox fan actually touched you. *shudder* But the stained sheets story was pretty gross too.