The Sosa Thing: Our First and Last Post on the Matter

Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Sosa Thing: Our First and Last Post on the Matter

. Thursday, June 18, 2009

Sammy and McGwire discuss the usual topics that puffy monsters do: "fire bad," "hit ball good," and, most heart-warmingly, "you ... friend"

We suppose that it is indeed time to address the Sosa thing. While I suppose you might read our hesitance as a sign of emotional conflict or some fancy, Lifetime Movie shit like that, we're sorry to tell you it's more apathy. But we'll play ball.

Sammy Sosa on steroids!?!? That's UNPOSSIBLE!

Now then, he was a big part of our favorite team for a long time. Here are our respective views of the guy, after the jump.


I won't lie, I was one of Sammy's biggest supporters during his glory days - especially 1998. It was my first year of high school, and I bonded with a lot of new people over the Cubs and their ridiculously haphazard (Brant Brown, anyone?) run to the playoffs.

I guess the Wild Card run is what really got me. Having the best-hitting outfielder in the game was just the sort of icing on the cake that I'd never experienced as a Cubs fan. Sure, I'd had Dawson, Sandberg, and Grace, but this was the first time I could experience the Cubs having a dominant, universally recognizable player. I saved whatever money I could to buy a Sammy Sosa jersey. It ended up being one of those weird Cuba-looking road jerseys, because it was cheapest, and even then I was a cheap bastard.

Anyway, I did cheer with Sammy for every hit, even if he did set the mold for Soriano with his late-career defense. I was a big fan. But this doesn't really hurt, because I got over Sammy once I grew up a little and put the pieces together. He anointed himself King Shit of Fuck Mountain (Fuck Mountain = Chicago), and I'm not really sure I dug that. I also came to the conclusion that it's not natural for a grown man to jump a half-dozen helmet sizes and pack on 60 pounds of muscle mid-career. So I didn't grow up to be quite the Sammy fan that my early youth promised.

The man still gave me some good times back when it was a lot harder to be a Cubs fan. If you're being enough of a bitch to need an easily digestible lesson from me, then just think of this - Sammy was an easy to like, rewarding to support, all-star Chicago athlete. He was the gateway drug that got an entirely new base of Cubs fans to graduate to the harder stuff - supporting Ted Lilly, digging Henry Blanco's crazy eyes, and swooning over Mark DeRosa. At least he got a lot of us to that point. Sammy Sosa, gateway drug. There, lesson over.

What we need, for fuck's sake, is some perspective. Al Yellon from Bleed Cubbie Blue wrote the following things in his reaction:

"We now know, presuming the report on Sosa is true, that the joy was indeed stolen from us. The numbers put up were put up by cartoon figures, not baseball players as we had known them for decades earlier. I know, I know, amphetamines in the 50s and 60s, other PEDs, other ways of cheating, ad nauseum.

But we were sold a bill of goods. They all swore up and down that they were honest -- "Flintstone vitamins," Sammy told us with a straight face. Now we know that face was lying to us, presuming the report is true.:

Al, we love ya, but you need a slap like a hysterical woman in an Old West movie.


Sosa has been quite the polarizing figure recently. I believe I was one of the first to turn on the man. I know I starting shitting on John quite a bit when he would wear his prized Sosa jersey because I didn't think he was that good of a player. Hell, the only time he would hustle was when he would run out to right. Something about him just bugged me. It was a couple seasons later that others joined me in my "sick of Sosa" crusade, and I was the first to be the "I told you so(sa!) (HAHAHAHAHA I hate myself, I hate myself) asshole.

All that being said, even if he was juiced up more than Kool-Aid, you still have to give him credit for bringing back baseball. Those years after the strike, attendance was brutal and not many people cared. The home run chase summer was an exciting time, and it brought our favoritepast time back in the forefront of people's minds. So, say what you want to say about that man, and clearly I am no Sosa sympathizer, but he does deserve a lot of credit.

Do I think he should be in the Hall of Fame? I can't say I do. And I honestly don't believe the voters do either.