Cubs 7 - Astros 1: Lilly Working on his Night Cheese

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Cubs 7 - Astros 1: Lilly Working on his Night Cheese

. Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Fuku hit the Astros like they were the Yaukult Sparrows. Ho ho ho ho! That is so fitting a Japanese baseball reference. You have no idea.

At the end of this very week, I'll be completing graduate school. I mention this not only for my own ego, but to lend gravity to the statement which I wish to make regarding tonight's performance. And so, from a learned (pronounced ler-NED) and academic perspective, I wish to say this: The Cubs took an absolute Cleveland Steamer upon the Astros this evening. Everything which hadn't worked against the chili-eating AAA roster from the Queen City clicked tonight against the squad from the Gum Cancer City. And as I enjoyed it behind a tall, frosty beer and a pile of cheap buffalo wings (not Hooters), it appeared all the more transcendent. It was the cure for a weekend series win that still felt like ass.

First and foremost - and this is almost getting repetitive to keep writing - Ted Lilly hath become death, the destroyer of worlds. In the words of Professor Steven Hawking, he was all up in the Astros' shit the entire night. Another fine outing - 6 2/3 pitched, 3 hits, no runs, and a shit-ton of Astros in the fetal position. Good work, sir. Though we're fairly convinced you're a cyborg, we hope our adoration will spare us in the coming War With the Machines (TM). Aaron Heilman and Lefty came in for the last 2.1 innings, and aside from one of those shitty left field Minute Maid Choo Choo Train Park home runs, all was good. Eleven more of these in a row, and we might forget that Heilman's season has been an abject failure.

Before you ask - no, D.Lee is not on a step ladder

Special Super Duper WAIW Birthday Wishes to Malibu Mike, who went 4-5 with two runs and an RBI in anticipation of a glut of birthday spanking offerings from the Cub Blogging community.Happy 29th, sir!

"Hey fuck you! This is Hurricane Ike's fault!"

Aside from Malibu, it was a banner night for everyone, with 16 hits spread pretty evenly around the lineup. D.Lee, Fuku, Geo Soto, Andy White, and even Ted Himself got a piece of that sweet, sweet Cleveland Steamer action. I wish we could face Brian Moehler every night - we used to get down on Jason Marquis, but putting Moehler on the mound is literally like purposely putting cancer in your pancreas and hoping it doesn't kill you too bad before you get far. The Astros bullpen gave up another 8 hits and 2 runs, so they weren't great either. But, you know, they're the Astros. Which is fortunate for us.

Tonight was a nice, cathartic kicking of ass. Here's hoping we see a couple more before we come home to face the blandest fanbase in Christendom.


KD said...

Congrats on graduating grad school John! That's awesome! Is that why you used so many big words in this post? ;)

This was a great Cubs win-the kind I expect. Everyone played well. I find it humorous that bloggers everywhere have created this Ted Lilly super human persona...yet he continues to prove us all right. Perhaps he really IS a cyborg...hmmmm....

J.J. said...

Happy Birthday Mikey! (and yes, the Cubbloggers would be more than happy to give you your birthday spanking, right girls?)

KD said...

That's a true story, JJ! ;)

Kat said...

abso-freaking-lutely i'll help with the spankings!