Yes, They're Charging Money for This

I'm a creature of habit when it comes to clothing. Ask my girlfriend - through the years we've been together, she has witnessed the handful of shirts that I wear in an ongoing 2 1/2 week cycle. But I do, occasionally, peruse the new Cubs merchandise on offer in the various shops of the suburban retail incubator where I work. I've been sitting on a big-ass Dick's gift card for awhile now, so I went down there during my lunch hour. I didn't find anything good, but I did find something bad - amazingly bad. Take a look at this polo shirt.


The new "this shirt was stitched by a fashion school dropout with a mean case of the DTs" style is so very popular.

Innocuous enough in a sea of branded merchandise, no? Let's take a closer look, shall we?


"100 percent Cotton. Sewed in China by shaky-handed meth addicts on the back of a moving dune buggy"

I checked - they're all like that. What you can't quite see is the $45 price tag. If you bought this on eBay, you'd be really pissed when it came. You'd think you'd gotten ripped off by a poor-ass bootleg from Thailand. But no, this is apparently what market research has decided people from the suburbs will buy. And I remain unable to find an all-flannel 1908 throwback jersey. Oh well.