WAIW Cubs Blog Roundtable, Week 7: Merciful God, My Ears!

Friday, May 8, 2009

WAIW Cubs Blog Roundtable, Week 7: Merciful God, My Ears!

. Friday, May 8, 2009

We at WAIW are lucky enough to be acquainted with the operators of a bunch of excellent Cubs blogs. Every Friday throughout the 2009 season, we're going to bring as many of them as we can together to share their thoughts on being Cubs fans. This week - the soul-wrenching caterwauling of semi-celebs with stuff to promote:

Denise Richards recently performed what Steve terms a "noise abortion" singing the 7th inning stretch last week. But she's by no means the only celebrity guest to murder that beloved song. Who, in your opinion, is the worst stretch singer of all time, and why?

Chip Wesley

Obviously there are some that come to mind immediately. The Ozzy Osbourne incoherent mumbling version, the Jeff Gordon "I don't know the proper name of the ballpark" version , and more recently Danica Patrick's superduper tone deaf version are all pretty bad.

But rather than single out a couple of the worst, I'll be more diplomatic about it. The worst stretch singer of all time is.....

Everyone Not Named Harry Caray!

The guest conductor thing is ridiculous. You have celebs who are these so-called "die-hard fans" that exploit this tradition to merely ham it up on the camera and get some face time in the pubic eye (I'm looking at you Mr. Belushi). You have the celebs who couldn't even tell you the rules of baseball let alone name more than 2 players on the Cubs roster. These clowns usually half-ass their way through the song and forget words. Then there are the folks guest conducting that are not Cubs fans at all and in fact are big fans of another team entirely. When the line, "Root, root, root for the CUBBIES!" comes along these buttholes remain silent on the 'Cubbies' part. Screw you bastards. You're at Wrigley Field and have been given the privilege of singing the stretch. Swallow your pride for two seconds and play to the crowd dammit.

I would just like to see the whole guest conductor shtick done away with completely. Does anyone really give a shit about who's singing?

"...and the Padres go down 1-2-3, time for the stretch sung today by Phil Donahue!"

Um, yeah, that's getting me pumped up....

My suggestion, and I've been ranting about it to anyone that cares to listen, is at the stretch simply play a recording of Harry Caray singing it. We're beginning to have a generation of young Cub fans that don't even remember what it was like when Harry was around. To me it would be a greater tribute to Harry and a classier way to honor this old Wrigley tradition by hearing him sing it during each seventh inning than some C-list celebrity bimbo/douchebag.

- Chip Wesley is the head bartender/ringleader at Thunder Matt's Saloon.

Ginger Russ

I can't say I've seen a lot of bad singing in person, unless of course you consider that Bush show I went to back in the 90's. So I of course go to my trusty Google and type in "worst 7th inning stretch singer at wrigley." And low and behold, the Chicago Tribune has done a story (well like 20 words and some pictures) on it today. Damn, John, you must be psychic, because you sent me the email on Tuesday.

So the list is: Denise Richards, Jeff Gordon, Danica Patrick (who knew Cubs fans liked auto racing so much?), Ozzy, Mongo, Tony Romo, Barney (the Purple Dinosaur, really, do we need a reason to stop this charade after Barney?), Ronnie Woo Woo, Denis Savard, Jesse Ventura, Da Coach, Dicky V, Cedric Benson, Jalen Rose, Kellie Pickler, Dennis Franz, Randy "Macho Man" Savage, Gracey, and Santo.

Wait, Santo actually does a pretty decent job, and in my opinion should sing every game. Of course Ronny doesn't like that idea, so I guess we will still have to endure the celebrity singer and the horrible interviews that accompany them. In my opinion the worst of all, not for his singing though, was Jeff Gordon, who referred to the Friendly Confines as "Wrigley Stadium". I know Cub fans are known for booing the players, but it was well deserved by Gordon for not even knowing where he was.

I also have to give props to Mongo, for being thrown out of the game after telling umpire Angel Hernandez he would be waiting for him after the game.

- Ginger Russ is from the College of Idiots, where they're still celebrating the news of Manny Ramirez's joyous pregnancy.


Tony Romo. How can such a horrible sound come out of something so delicious-looking?

- Cubbiejulie admires Romo from afar at A League of Her Own.


Didn't John Cusack sing it one time with a White Sox jersey on?

It has to be Jeff Gordon, doesn't it? Wrigley Stadium? Wrigley STADIUM?!?!? Keep driving in the Dayton 400 in your nascart.

- Ace, from The Cubs Brickyard and Bleacher Nation, stands as one with WAIW in denouncing the evil of Cusack's fairweather fandom.


For what its worth, I'd listen to all the Denises, the Ditkas and the Ozzys of the world for every Stretch…if it meant I'd never have to endure the subsequent forced conversation in the bottom of the 7th with the Jeff Gordons ("Wrigley Stadium"), the Kellie Picklers ("They call that the outfield, right?") and the "reality" "stars" squeezing every last millisecond out of their 15 minutes of so-called fame - all of whom know less about baseball than a 5-year-old from Scotland.

But when it comes to an utterly dog-howling, ear-bleeding, butt-clenching rendition - and this could be because the eardrum scabs are still fresh - I've got to give it to Ms. Richards.

- Jen is of Cub Blogging fame. She will be given one warning for placing Ditka in such company. Upon a second infraction, she will be placed in the Thunderdome to face the vengeful ghost of Bea Arthur.



- WPBC edits Waxpaperbeercup, and clearly already had a "favorite" in mind.

Joe Aiello

I absolutely hate the 7th inning stretch. Once Harry passed away, the tradition needed to be retired. The celebrety conductors idea is a joke and has turned into a mockery of something that was really cool about Wrigley. When you bring in morons like Ozzie Osbourne, Kellie Pickler and Jeff Gordon, people who have nothing to do with the city or the team, and have them make a mockery of the stretch, it's sad. I get angry thinking about it. That being said, I will vote for EVERY singer that isn't Harry. Get rid of this garbage.

- VFTB's Joe Aiello officially makes today the most Kellie Pickler references WAIW has ever heard in one day.


I don't care for the guest 7th Inning Stretch singers. It just leads to awkward discussions in the bottom of the 7th with Len and Bob. The guests typically don't know one thing about the Cubs or baseball. It's usually just some actor or musician trying to plug a movie or cd and it's disingenuous. We as Cubs fans deserve more than to have someone take the stage at our temple and then have to read the words from a sheet.

Harry did it best and nobody can replace him. Play a recording of Harry singing. He did it literally hundreds of times, so play a different one every game. When I'm at a game, I can't really see who is up there, nor can I really hear them. I would enjoy singing along to Harry much more than some idiot.

I think they had the right idea by having the guests, but they should have cut it off after the first year.

- Corey posts other good damn ideas over at Ivy Envy.

The Ted Lilly Fan Club

While we imagine that a number of our fellow bloggers might offer up Jeff Gordon for his 2005 rendition at Wrigley Stadium, we are going to jump on the virtual soap box and proclaim that Jim Belushi is our least favorite stretch singer. Why? First off, we bristle at the fact that he is considered one of the Cubs marquee celebrity fans and that he always seems to show up when he has some god-awful ABC sitcom or book to promote. Secondly, he has contributed to the demise of the Blues Brothers franchise with his participation as Zee Blues (tip for Jim: harmonicas are only cool if you are a homeless guy named Boxcar Willie who rides around on trains, singing for his supper). And, finally, third--we've always been a pro-Tom Hanks Fan Club and Belushi's "K-9" is a clear rip-off of "Turner & Hooch".

- The Ted Lilly Fan Club takes requests for Boxcar Willie every day over at their esteemed blog.


Kat said...

Kellie Pickler in my book not only did she sing the wrong words, but she had no clue.

The dumb blonde routine comes naturally to her obviously. I still can't stand to hear her voice.

J.J. said...

I'd rather see a random fan from the audience than some of those "celebrities" they have "singing". If it's going to be awful, at least make it a dream come true for a real Cubs fan.

Ginger Russ said...

I think I actually saw Phil Donahue sing once!

Chip Wesley said...

Yeah I saw Donahue last season at a game in May. That's why I mentioned him of all people.

John said...

If it were a true Donahue experience, someone's incestuous, chair-throwing half brother would have made an appearance.

Chip Wesley said...

"..someone's incestuous, chair-throwing half brother would have made an appearance."

There could've been. However I didn't see any White Sox fans around.

Ace said...

Wow, so I'm the only douche who didn't track down a youtube? And I chose the most obvious one? I suck ass.

John said...

Nah, I found those myself (except for Chip's - he also found Ozzy and Jeff Gordon) and sprinkled them randomly throughout the post like some new media flower girl.