Three-Day Weekend Recap: Just Like When We Were Kids

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Three-Day Weekend Recap: Just Like When We Were Kids

. Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I love both Mr. T and America, and for one night softened on my stance regarding 7th inning stretch guest conductors

A long holiday weekend, and a full slate of Cubs baseball. What could go wrong? Looking back, the answer is everything, all at different times. It happens - and has now happened 8 times in a row. Remember last year when it was big news when the Cubs finally lost 3 in a row midseason? Oh, those innocent times. Thanks to no one else being much good, we find ourselves a mere 5 games back. A trifle! A pittance! A laugh! Which isn't to say I'm not worried, but does somewhat validate the fact that this damn team sucks me in now just as well as it did when I was a kid watching us have 17-loss Aprils.

So now, in the spirit of the COI crew, who once exhorted a mini-burger to go and fornicate itself, I'll give you the GFYs of the weekend's games. And as a positive chap, I'll also hit a bright spot. Because we need those, more now than ever.

Friday: Padres 4 - Cubs 0

GFY Aaron Miles, you glorified minor leaguer. You left 5 on base and continue to make the Cardinals front office look brilliant for dumping your one-decent-year ass. You dare wear the number of the late, great Mark DeRosa? Also, Hoffpauir left 5 on base and struck out four times.

However ... it was nice to see Z back. He wasn't killer, but it was a decent enough first step toward a full recovery. He certainly didn't get any favor

Saturday: Padres 3 - Cubs 1

GFY entire Cubs offense. You sucked immensely against Josh Greer, who has this season given up 7 earned runs to the friggin' Astros in a single start.

However ... Randy Wells continues to avoid that diagnosis of ROMS.

Sunday: Padres 7 - Cubs 2

GFY Micah Hoffpauir. Your continued sucking against a not very good Padres team has created a lot of sudden silence in a fan base that was enjoying crapping all over Derrek Lee.

However ... Reed Johnson finally got his first home run, which looked a lot more pivotal at the time than it ended up being.

Monday: Pirates 10 - Cubs 8

GFY Neal Cotts. Seriously. I find it to be true that most people say things on the Internet that they'd never repeat to a person's face. Yet I sincerely believe that even the most trepidatious Cubs blogger would, upon running into you at a White Castle, let you know just how fed up they are with your shitty pitching. I hope to never see you pitch again, even if the Cubs were nursing a 19-0 ninth-inning lead on the Oakland A's.

However ... the entire weekend was redeemed by this, honestly the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life:

Sports Videos, News, Blogs

Dig the excited "Go Cubs Go" ad lib. Can anyone tell me what Mr. T's real name is without cheating? There's a hefty prize (blog respect) in it for you if you can.


Bree said...

“ I was on the Dean’s List… I was had all A’s ”
— Mr. T, talking about getting kicked out college

I watched his bottom-of-the-7th interview three times before I stopped laughing.

John said...

Between Mr. T making me laugh and the Cubs playing like crap, it was 1991 all over again for me. If you ever get a chance, check out Conan's old sketch where he goes apple-picking with Mr. T.

KD said...

I would gladly say "GFY" to Neal Cotts face if given the fact, it's probably best I stay away from the greater Chicagoland area b/c I just may seek him out......

Anonymous said...

Mr. T is the man. This is so funny. I have him as the voice on my GPS. It’s the real Mr. T and it’s as funny as watching this. I got it from a company that does real celebrity voices for GPS. They have people like Dennis Hopper, Burt Reynolds, Gary Busey… and of course Mr. T. I think the site was called Navtones, or nav-tones. If you like Mr. T as much as I do, you gotta check it out.

I wish I had have been at this baseball game. Mr. T singing live, come on, you can’t beat that!

"You Out!'

John said...

Driving around Chicago is stressful enough. If Mr. T was also yelling at me when I missed a turn, I might evacuate my bowels and curl up into the fetal position in the middle of Western Ave.

GM-Carson said...

More Hardball honors Andre "the Hawk" Dawson's career with an induction in the their Hardball Heroes.


wolfie said...

...And when, just before leaving the booth, he told Len and Bob that he wasn't going to let them down, I shed a tear folks. Oh, wait. No, that's because the CUBS ARE SUCKING ASS!

OK, I feel better now.