Three-Day Weekend Recap: Just Like When We Were Kids

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Three-Day Weekend Recap: Just Like When We Were Kids

. Tuesday, May 26, 2009


I love both Mr. T and America, and for one night softened on my stance regarding 7th inning stretch guest conductors

A long holiday weekend, and a full slate of Cubs baseball. What could go wrong? Looking back, the answer is everything, all at different times. It happens - and has now happened 8 times in a row. Remember last year when it was big news when the Cubs finally lost 3 in a row midseason? Oh, those innocent times. Thanks to no one else being much good, we find ourselves a mere 5 games back. A trifle! A pittance! A laugh! Which isn't to say I'm not worried, but does somewhat validate the fact that this damn team sucks me in now just as well as it did when I was a kid watching us have 17-loss Aprils.

So now, in the spirit of the COI crew, who once exhorted a mini-burger to go and fornicate itself, I'll give you the GFYs of the weekend's games. And as a positive chap, I'll also hit a bright spot. Because we need those, more now than ever.



Friday: Padres 4 - Cubs 0

GFY Aaron Miles, you glorified minor leaguer. You left 5 on base and continue to make the Cardinals front office look brilliant for dumping your one-decent-year ass. You dare wear the number of the late, great Mark DeRosa? Also, Hoffpauir left 5 on base and struck out four times.

However ... it was nice to see Z back. He wasn't killer, but it was a decent enough first step toward a full recovery. He certainly didn't get any favor

Saturday: Padres 3 - Cubs 1

GFY entire Cubs offense. You sucked immensely against Josh Greer, who has this season given up 7 earned runs to the friggin' Astros in a single start.

However ... Randy Wells continues to avoid that diagnosis of ROMS.

Sunday: Padres 7 - Cubs 2

GFY Micah Hoffpauir. Your continued sucking against a not very good Padres team has created a lot of sudden silence in a fan base that was enjoying crapping all over Derrek Lee.

However ... Reed Johnson finally got his first home run, which looked a lot more pivotal at the time than it ended up being.

Monday: Pirates 10 - Cubs 8

GFY Neal Cotts. Seriously. I find it to be true that most people say things on the Internet that they'd never repeat to a person's face. Yet I sincerely believe that even the most trepidatious Cubs blogger would, upon running into you at a White Castle, let you know just how fed up they are with your shitty pitching. I hope to never see you pitch again, even if the Cubs were nursing a 19-0 ninth-inning lead on the Oakland A's.

However ... the entire weekend was redeemed by this, honestly the greatest thing I have ever seen in my life:

Sports Videos, News, Blogs



Dig the excited "Go Cubs Go" ad lib. Can anyone tell me what Mr. T's real name is without cheating? There's a hefty prize (blog respect) in it for you if you can.

7 comments:

Bree said...

“ I was on the Dean’s List… I was had all A’s ”
— Mr. T, talking about getting kicked out college

I watched his bottom-of-the-7th interview three times before I stopped laughing.

John said...

Between Mr. T making me laugh and the Cubs playing like crap, it was 1991 all over again for me. If you ever get a chance, check out Conan's old sketch where he goes apple-picking with Mr. T.

KD said...

I would gladly say "GFY" to Neal Cotts face if given the chance....in fact, it's probably best I stay away from the greater Chicagoland area b/c I just may seek him out......

Anonymous said...

Mr. T is the man. This is so funny. I have him as the voice on my GPS. It’s the real Mr. T and it’s as funny as watching this. I got it from a company that does real celebrity voices for GPS. They have people like Dennis Hopper, Burt Reynolds, Gary Busey… and of course Mr. T. I think the site was called Navtones, or nav-tones. If you like Mr. T as much as I do, you gotta check it out.

I wish I had have been at this baseball game. Mr. T singing live, come on, you can’t beat that!

"You Out!'

John said...

Driving around Chicago is stressful enough. If Mr. T was also yelling at me when I missed a turn, I might evacuate my bowels and curl up into the fetal position in the middle of Western Ave.

GM-Carson said...

More Hardball honors Andre "the Hawk" Dawson's career with an induction in the their Hardball Heroes.

Link- http://morehardball.blogspot.com/2009/05/hardball-heroes-andre-dawson.html

wolfie said...

...And when, just before leaving the booth, he told Len and Bob that he wasn't going to let them down, I shed a tear folks. Oh, wait. No, that's because the CUBS ARE SUCKING ASS!

OK, I feel better now.