WAIW Cubs Blog Roundtable, Week 4: Your Team Sucks!

Friday, April 17, 2009

WAIW Cubs Blog Roundtable, Week 4: Your Team Sucks!

. Friday, April 17, 2009

We at WAIW are lucky enough to be acquainted with the operators of a bunch of excellent Cubs blogs. Every Friday throughout the 2009 season, we're going to bring as many of them as we can together to share their thoughts on being Cubs fans. This week, screw Huey Lewis - we're talking about the power of hate:

Love of the Cubs is driven, in part, by having rivals to hate. There are always the usual suspects - White Sox, Cards, recently the Brewers - but every fan seems to have a team that they unexpectedly hate. John worked with a guy who absolutely hated the Expos, even after they ceased to exist. He's probably still out there somewhere, cursing out an old Marquis Grissom poster. Steve takes part in the American pastime of hating the crap out of the Yankees. All it really takes is one bad experience. What team do you really dislike, even though most Cubs fans would respond with no more than a hearty "eh.."?


The Reds.

I didn't really mind them until Dusty got there, though they had started annoying me years earlier, when I realized what a giant chip their fans have on their shoulders about the Cubs. Then when they got Dusty, they were thrilled; as if his entire run with the Cubs, his base-clogging comments, and the fact that our two brightest young pitchers had their arms thrown off was a huge fluke. When they went out and signed Corey Patterson, "at any price," I locked myself in my room and laughed for two weeks.

I know a lot of people consider the Reds a dark horse this year, but I really don't. Dusty will screw it up, somehow. I hate the city, I can't stand the people who live there, and I hate their stupid STOOPID manager with the blank look on his face and his equally STUPID toothpick.

- CubbieJulie runs for A League of Her Own, which currently has a picture of a bunny drinking Labatt's.


I imagine I'm probably not alone in this one but nevertheless...

Let's say, for argument's sake, that the Florida Marlins didn’t bogart the 2003 World Series. I'd still loathe them. They're a cheerleader-having, money-hoarding, fanless bunch of Dolphin Stadium squatters that make my blood boil nearly as much the birds of prey in St. Louis or socks of filth on the South Side. These fishmongers slithered out from under a rock in 1993 and before they'd even lost their baby teeth, they had as many World Series titles as three of the "Original Sixteen" clubs - the Phillies, the Indians and of course, the Cubs. Instead of using this newfound success to build a fanbase, after any marginal showing of aptitude from a player, the Marlins immediately dump the stock, hoping to instead bring fans to their borrowed grounds with dancing overweight men (Because, what, they couldn’t round up enough midgets?) and hired scantily-clad jezebels (ours come free of charge) to adorn their dugouts. The strike? Nah. Steroids? Nope. The Marlins ruined baseball.

- Jen runs Cub Blogging, which has a spiffy new chat window for in-game cursing and occasional inappropriate thoughts about Cubs players.


The Washington Nationals. I spent three years paying into a season ticket package before I moved away - and they did not once try to put a decent product on the field, and they still aren't to this day.

- Wrigleyville23 had a pretty good back and forth in the comments section over Gordon Wittenmyer's column. We encourage you to check it out.

Ginger Russ

In a word: all of them (okay, that's three words).

In 383 words:

Orioles: They stole the Cubs greatest future star ever, Corey Patterson.
BoSox: Gave us a broken Nomar.
Yankees: There are 210 million reasons to hate this team.
Rays: How was everyone in Tampa (and the country for that matter) already a Rays fan by the end of last year? Really a-holes?
Blue Jays: Why won't the Pepsi machine take my Canadian quarter?
Braves: The chop is retarded. Exhibit A:

Marlins: 450 fans per home game can't be wrong.
Mets: Ask Ron Santo
Phillies: Stole our ring last year. (Okay, so it was the Dodgers, but that should have been us)
Nats: Even Obama won't throw out your first pitch of the season.
Sox: duh!
Indians: Just ask every female Cubs fan why we should hate the Indians.
Tigers: 1945
Royals: I guess I can't hate these hapless f*%ks too much.
Twins: I couldn't figure out there logo (TC) until I was like 15. That goes for the Expos as well, which I never figured out.
Reds: I hate any team that has Dusty as their manager.
Astros: They took away the coolest logo ever.
Brewers: F-in Wisconsin.
Pirates: eh? See Royals.
Cards: duh, part 2.
Angels: I hate LA, no matter what the sport.
A's: Those poor dirty bastards on the other side of the bay seem to always be a contender. WTF?
Mariners: I hate Starbucks, and that originated in Seattle. Does that count? Plus how do you win 116 games on NOT the WS? Who the f$%k was managing that team? Oh yeah...
Rangers: If W would have done better with the team, maybe he wouldn't have ended up our president.
Rockies: F-in Marquis!
Dodgers: F-in Manny!
Padres: Once they give Prior a shot, you will hate the Padres too.
Giants: Thanks for Dusty, a-holes!

And finally the D-Bags. I used to like them, then I moved to AZ. Out of all the teams, this is the one I hate the most. A: Their park and their fans suck! B: They always beat the Cubs at home. C: If that's not reason enough, follow this link and scroll down to the Idiots trips to Chase Field, you will understand.

- Ginger Russ likes to spread the hate over at College of Idiots.


I have always hated the Astros much more than was necessary. Sure, they're in the NL Central, so it makes sense in that regard, I suppose. But the hate has generally extended to the players in such a way that once they have played for the Astros, I always see them in that stupid orange get up, and I spit. Roger Clemens in a Houston Astros jersey is a vision of the Devil, himself.

- Ace writes Bleacher Nation and The Cubs Brickyard. We did not forget his response this time.


This probably has something to do with my age and the old NL East. I hate the New York Mets. I hate everything about them from their team colors to their broadcasters. It doesn't make much sense when you consider the divisions have been realigned now for over 15 years and Cubs games with the Mets mean the same thing as a game with the Rockies or marlins. Still the last two years when they have fallen apart down the stretch, it was a good thing in my mind...

- WPBC has an awesome recollection of Opening Days past on Waxpaperbeercup.


I can't stand the Red Sox, and it goes back before they won the championships. I have no idea why I hate them, but for some reason, they have always been one of my most hated baseball teams. In fact, I've actually grown to be perfectly fine with the Yankees,all the spending and the "Yankee Way". Talk about the Red Sox though and I can't stand it.

- Joe, from View From the Bleachers, has a strange sense of what's evil. We suspect this entry was written by Eoj, the Bizarro version of Joe.

Angry Mike

The D'Backs rank only behind the Cardinals when it comes to teams I hate. Crazy huh? Not if you have lived in the Phoenix area for almost 6 years. You see, D'Back fans are as classless as they are fickle. Then you have the fact that the D'Backs play their best against the Cubs and their worst against whoever our closest competition is. You couple that with the fact that I have a hard time watching Mark Grace embarrass himself repeatedly "analyzing" the local games and you have a recipe for loathing.

I want to preface this rant by saying I am lumping the good fans in with the fucktards to save myself time. There is a hand full of decent fans but they are drown out by the mouthy assfaces I run into at Chase Field. They packed that ridiculously huge stadium in 2001 when they were on their way to a World Series title but look at it this year. They will likely sell the least amount of tickets in the brief history of the organization. This is why I find it so comical when D'Back fans get so riled up at the games. In a sense they are a lot like Sox fans because they only seem to talk shit because they have a massive chip on their shoulders.

Story time.

During the 2007 playoffs my hatred came to a head. We watched the Cubs lose game 1 of the NLDS in heart breaking fashion but we took it in stride. It wasn't until we were walking out of the stadium and one obnoxious asshole repeatedly said, "MAYBE NEXT YEAR, MAYBE NEXT YEAR!" Over....and over....and over....until I finally turned around and politely asked him to shut the fuck up. That touched off a shouting match that ended with me accepting an apology and shaking hands with the guy and our buddy Tony almost rumbling with one of his friends. Good times.

Moving on to Gracie. It is really hard for watch him ham it up for the local dumbasses. This is a fan base that really enjoys their tshirt cannons at a game so just imagine for yourself the stupid shit they get Gracie up to do during games. It's pathetic and I hate watching a Cub icon waste away. You know the guy wants nothing more than to come back to Chicago as an analyst but he is doing nothing but hurt his chances in his current position.

Well, I'm going to leave it at that. I do want to say there are things I enjoy. The Idiots really enjoy frequenting Jackson's on 3rd for pregame (and sometimes postgame) drinking. Cub fans invade that place much like they do Chase Field. Irish car bombs anyone? I need to focus on the good things since the Idiots are prepping to support the Cubs here in AZ in just a couple weeks.

Fuck off Cards! Fuck off D'Backs!

- Angry Mike joins Ginger Russ in consistently bringing the angry over at College of Idiots.

The Ted Lilly Fan Club

While it’d be easy to pick the Brewers (b/c of their city’s creepy “Single White Female” attitude towards Chicago), Cardinals (b/c of their DUI-friendly manager) or Astros (b/c of being the lead city in a state that wants to secede from the Union), if we had to pick one team that we dislike more than any other, our choice? The French.

Sure, it’s not your typical selection and, truthfully, we don't even know if they have a baseball team (probably too busy growing bad, wispy mustaches and/or trying on funny hats). And, to be fair, we do have a soft spot in our heart for Cajun Americans named Mike Fontenot, Zatarain’s Jambalaya but we simply can’t stand those Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys across the pond.

A quick trip to our friendly neighborhood psychologist would probably tell us that this has something to do with the time we got turned away from Beaumont’s but we don’t care. When we need to really fire it up before a Ted Lilly start, we only need to put in a DVD featuring Gerard Depardieu, remember how much sweeter pancakes are compared to crepes and read up on the Wikipedia entry on WWII to put us in the right, super intense, super malicious anti-French mindset.

- The Ted Lilly Fan Club hates the holy fuck out of Bastille Day.


wolfie said...

Re: That video in the Ginger Russ post - My lord, don't they have DCFS in Georgia?

I love that whole post actually. A lot of my friends - Cubs fans included - think I must be the only asshole out there that hates all teams not Chicago (not including, of course, my beloved Boca Juniors). Well, I'm not the only asshole out there.

J.J. said...

Who I hate the second most is hard to call, but I hate the Yankees most of all.

Yankees - not sure why, I just hate
Tied for second:
Dodgers - need I say it?
Cardinals -Tony and Pukehole
Sox - Ozzy
Brewers - fat prince
Astros - whiners